


Slow Down (Make It Last)

by becho_choni



Series: How Do You Feel? [2]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Anxiety, Character Development, Cheryl Blossom Got Her Happy Ending, Cheryl Blossom Loves Hugs, Children, Choni as Parents, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Family Drama, Kid Fic, Kids Fix Everything, Lots of Progress, Miscarriage, Multi, Original Character(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Protective Toni Topaz, Sequel, Soft Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz, Toni Topaz is the Cool Mom, UNTIL THEY DON'T, but still cute, sassy children
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2020-01-05 17:56:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 72,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18371147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becho_choni/pseuds/becho_choni
Summary: Sequel to "How Do You Feel?"6 years after Addyson Blossom-Topaz is born, Cheryl and Toni have the parenting down, or so they think. With the help of their family and friends, they're still learning what life is truly about. But no matter what this world throws at them, they all have each other to help them through it.





	1. Like My Mother Does

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go, the very first chapter of the sequel
> 
> Like my mother does- Lauren Alaina

The black mustang flew down the road, the top down and the newlyweds smiling happily. Jordan "Sweet Pea" Cadenza was in the driver's seat, one hand on the wheel and the other holding the hand of his wife, Veronica, who most people called Ronnie. The couple were on the way home after a two month long honeymoon. They thoroughly enjoyed their time away, but they were eager to return to reality. Sweet Pea was a police officer for the small town. He had been offered the roll as sheriff after many years of hard work when Tom Keller retired, and he had accepted happily. Veronica had her own fashion line and went back and forth frequently from Riverdale to New York. But they made it work. 

The entire group had made peaceful, happy lives after graduating high school.

Kevin and Fangs Keller-Fogarty had married just a month before their friends. Kevin had gotten a job as a teacher at Riverdale high fresh out of college, something nobody thought would happen. And Fangs worked as a deputy for the police station, working alongside his best friend.

Jughead Jones and Betty Cooper had married right out of high school, which surprised no one and stayed married happily through college and were still going strong. Jughead was an author, and had published three books since high school. He stuck around Riverdale, only for two reasons. One, he was and would always be a Serpent, ready to take over once his father officially retired. And two, Betty finally put her Nancy Drew skills to work and had been hired as a detective. That was the first thing Sweet Pea did when he got his position, deciding the law enforcement needed to be better.

Toni Topaz-Blossom had surprised herself when she had also joined the law enforcement team of Riverdale as an officer. Sweet Pea gave her fair hours so she could have time with her wife and daughter. Her wife, Cheryl, had opened a recreation center. She was the proud owner of it; inside the center there were aerobics classes, a fitness center, a gymnasium, an indoor track and an indoor pool. The outdoor area had an outdoor pool, a tennis court, outdoor tracks and her favorite-the archery station. She was awarded the land of Thornhill from her mother and the eight-hundred acre property was where her center was built. And the center had made back the money spent building it before the second year was up. It was now year four. It was their daughter, Addyson’s, favorite place. She often went to work there with her mother after she came home from school and on weekends and helped the best her little six-year-old self could.

Polly Cooper was a teacher for the Elementary school. She was reluctant to put solid roots down in the town, but she stayed. Dagwood adored Sweet Pea and really looked up to him, while Juniper was attached to Cheryl and Addyson. The twins, at eight years old, were entering third grade come fall and she couldn't believe how fast they grew.

Eliana "Ellie" Cadenza had continued to be Nana Rose's caretaker, and when needed, Addy’s babysitter. The oldest Blossom had reached ninety and she was still going strong. Her memory wasn't as well as it used to be, but it was still intact. Ellie also worked part-time at Cheryl's recreation center. Cheryl had allowed her to convert one of Thornhill's still standing barns into a small little house so she could live on the property for both jobs and not feel like she was getting in the way of the little family.

......................................

"I know we're both tired, but can we stop by Thistlehouse before we go home? It's the first day of summer vacation, so they may be home," Ronnie asks.

"Do you want to message them to see of they're home first?" Sweet Pea asks.

"No, I want to surprise them."

Sweet Pea nods and he drives down the familiar roads to reach their former home. He missed the place-they both did. Especially after being away for two months. They were eager to see their best friends and their little niece. She wasn't a niece by blood, but she was their family. They helped raise her. He pulls up the long driveway, parking up by the house between a cherry red convertible and a darker red SUV.

"Cherry! Oh, how I've missed you," he says, running a hand across the glossy red surface.

"You and that car," she giggles, taking his hand and leading him up the walkway. She tries the handle, finding it unlocked. She goes inside and is greeted by the sound of loud laughter. She follows the sound, trying not to trip on the toys littering the ground. She looks into the living room and smiles huge. Addyson and Juniper are running around, laughing. Addyson is trying to catch Juniper, but the older girl stays just out of reach, her longer legs carrying her faster.

"Addy!" she calls after a few minutes of watching. She watches as the little girl skids to a halt and stares at her before screaming  _"Auntie Ronnie! Uncle Pea!"_  and running full speed to them. She launches at them, Veronica catching her and picking her up in a tight hug, holding her close.

"I missed you, little goose."

"I missed you, too. So much. Mama recorded my Kindergarten graduation for you since you couldn't be there."

"She did?"

"Yeah. Mama had to record it cause Mommy was too busy trying not to cry."

Sweet Pea laughs loudly and reaches for the child. "Yeah, that sounds like Red. She's always been emotional."

" _Very_  emotional," the six year old giggles. "It's always happy tears though, she's usually happy. Mama is the grumpy one."

"And that sounds like Toni," Ronnie chuckles. "Are they home? Or are you here with Auntie Ellie?"

"Mama is at the police station. But Mommy's home! She's making lunch. She's making mac'n'cheese. The homemade stuff, _not_  the yucky box stuff."

"You are  _so_  your mother's child," Ronnie chuckles, rolling her eyes a little and kicking her heels off. "I'm going to go say hi."

"Me too!" Addyson reaches back to Veronica. "Juni, come on!"

Juniper runs over, taking Veronica's hand. "Auntie Cher will be see happy to see you, she's missed you both."

"Has she?" Sweet Pea asked. Both girls nod. They enter the kitchen, Cheryl's back to them.

_**People always say I have a laugh like my mother does. Guess that makes sense, she taught me to smile even when things get rough. I have her spirit and she always has my back. When  I look at her, I think "I want to be just like that."** _

"Mommy!"

"Hold on, baby. It's almost ready."

Ronnie puts Addyson down and puts a finger to her lips. She walks quietly to Cheryl and wraps her arms around her shoulders. The redhead jumps and yelps in surprise, swinging around. A smile spreads on her face and she wraps her arms around the shorter girl. "Ronnie!" Ronnie hugs her back as tightly as she can. Sweet Pea walks over to them with a chuckle.

"What about me, Red?"

Cheryl lets Veronica go and goes into his bone-crushing embrace. "I missed this," she murmurs. She sniffles a little. "Damn you both for making me cry."

The couple laughs loudly, Ronnie throwing her arms around the redhead in a group hug. "When does Tiny get home?"

"At three. So a few hours," she wipes a tear off her cheek when she's released. "She's going to be so happy when she sees you. I take it I should keep this a surprise."

"Definitely."

Addyson runs over to them, putting her arms up. Cheryl picks her up, kissing her cheek. Juniper walks over and leans against Cheryl's side.

"Damn, how did you two get so big?" Sweet Pea says, shaking his head. "I remember when you were the little munchkin Cheryl kidnapped while she was pregnant. And you, I remember the day you were born. You were so tiny."

"Yeah, and your mother wouldn't let anyone hold you for like  _two days_."

"She  _still_  kidnaps me," Juniper says at the same time as Addyson says "she  _still_  has trouble sharing me."

"Wow, thanks guys," Cheryl says the Ronnie and Sweet Pea double over in laughter. "You're too cute to share. And you're too cute  _not_  to kidnap. And I know neither of you actually mind."

"I never mind," Addyson sighs, resting her head on her shoulder. Juniper sighs and puts her arms up to Sweet Pea. He tells her she's too big but lifts her up anyways.

"You know, if you straightened Addy's hair, she could be your clone. She's legitimately a mini you. The only thing she  _didn't_  get from you is those curls."

"I love her curls," Cheryl says, fixing her daughter's hair best she can one handed. She gives up and Ronnie goes over and redoes her ponytail. Then she moves past them and goes to finish the food for Cheryl. "I was so worried she'd lose them when she got older like Juniper did. Don't worry Bug, I love your hair just how it is."

"It's okay, my mommy says she misses my curls all the time," Juniper says, shrugging. "It's still wavy at least. I wish it was all the way straight though, like Mommy's and Dag's."

"You're beautiful and perfect just the way you are. You  _both_  are."

"We  _know_ , Mommy. You only tell us that  _every_  day," she says with an eye roll. She wiggles, trying to get out of her hold. Cheryl puts her down with a sigh. She did that sometimes-being what her daughter would call overbearing. She was never loved as a child, and sometimes she overdid it when trying to make sure her daughter was loved. Her child was independent, she was from a very young age. But Cheryl still hugged her sometimes too much, too long. She kissed her cheek too often. She was  _clingy_ . Holding her hand, keeping her within sight. She would tell her how much she loved her too often, how perfect she was. She was  _too much_  sometimes. Times like this were the times she was sad, times the  _old Cheryl_  would show through. But Addyson never knew, because Cheryl had perfected her fake smile back in junior high. She wouldn't make her daughter feel guilty for wanting independence. It was't her fault she was stuck with such an  _overbearing_  parent. But Juniper, she was clingy and ever so observant. So she always caught on, she would see the flash of sadness in her eyes right before her facade went up. And she would reach her arms over and hug her aunt as tightly as she could. Which was exactly what she did.

Sweet Pea, knowing the redhead like the back of his hand, was passing Juniper over before the girl even fully reached her arms out. Cheryl takes her, holding her close. It broke her heart that she would soon be too big to hold. She was small for her size, the only reason she was able to even be held at her age.

"Mommy?" Addyson walks over, tugging on Cheryl's jeans. "Are you sad?"

Cheryl look at her in confusion, then at Ronnie. She’d never asked that before. Ronnie grimaces and touches her cheek, mimicking tracing a tear. Cheryl wipes the back of her hand across her cheek, feeling the wetness. "Damn it."

"Did I make you sad? I didn't mean to roll my eyes. I won't do it again."

Cheryl gives Juniper back to sweet Pea and picks Addyson up. "It's not you, baby. You _never_ make me sad. I was just thinking of something sad." She rubs her hand up and down her back.

"You're supposed to kiss me."

"What?"

"Whenever you hold me you kiss my head. But you haven't yet. You have to kiss me."

"You want me to?" she asks, stroking her cheek.

"Of course I do." She says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world, her chocolate brown eyes staring at her. "You're my Mommy. You're very huggy and kissy, but I never want you to not be. If you didn't kiss me all the time, who  _would?"_

"Your Mama would."

"She's very serious. She's reads really good bedtime stories and she's more fun to play with cause she lets me play by myself on the playground, but your the best at hugs and kisses and how you tuck me up like a burrito at bedtime. So, kiss me."

Cheryl smiles, a real smile, and kisses her temple.

"That was cute, kid," Ronnie says, interrupting the moment.

"Shut up,  _Switzerland_." Cheryl says, but her tone has no bite to it. She just smiles and hugs her daughter.

 .......................................

"Sweets!" Toni shouts, running to Sweet Pea for a hug so hard she nearly makes him topple.

"Jesus, Tiny," he laughs, regaining his balance before he falls and takes her down with him. "You almost made me fall on you."

"I don't care," she mumbles, holding on tightly. "How long have you been here?"

"Long enough to hold two children, watch your wife have one of her moments, watch your child finally realize her mother has moments and manage to fix her, eat lunch, and get my ass whooped by your wife and child in a game of Uno while my wife and child number two just laughed at me getting my ass whooped."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Cheryl had a moment? And  _Addy_  realized it? Is she okay? Are  _they_ okay?"

"Jesus, Tiny. They're fine. Did you miss the part when I said they ate lunch and whooped my ass in Uno?"

She sighs. "Sorry. I have like, built in over-protectiveness for Cheryl. I know things have been going steadily uphill since Addy was born, but I'm always going to worry about her."

"I know. Come on, I need to bring the snacks in before those women hunt me down. Ronnie will want a Toni hug, too."

Toni laughs and lets him lead her to the living room. Ronnie squeals and jumps up, running over and hugs her tightly. "Oh, I missed you girl."

"I missed you too, Ronnie," she sighs, smiling. She missed them both very much. Ronnie releases her and goes and sits on the couch, Sweet Pea passing snacks out then sits beside her. Cheryl is sitting on the other couch with Addyson and Juniper curled up on either side of her. Toni sits beside them and Addy sits up. "Hi, Mama."

"Hey, sweetheart. Hey there, Juni." She toussels her hair and pulls the child on her lap so she can sit right beside Cheryl. Juniper crawls over Cheryl to hug Toni before settling on the redhead's lap. "What are we watching?"

"Spy Kids!" Addyson and Juniper say excitedly at the same time.

"Oh, we're doing an oldie goldie movie today?"

"Uh-huh."

Ronnie hits play and dims the lights. Addyson leans back against Toni, munching on the oreos Sweet Pea gave her, offering the box to Juniper. Cheryl puts an arm around her niece and rests her head on her wife’s shoulder. "I love you, TT," she whispers and Toni smiles, an arm going around her shoulder.

"I love you too, Bombshell."

_**When I love, I give it all I got like my mother does! When I feel weak and un-pretty, I know I'm beautiful and strong because I see myself how my mother does. She's a rock! She is grace! She's an angel, she's my heart and soul. She does it all! I hear people saying I'm starting to look like my mother does.** _


	2. Little Eavesdropper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In My Daughter's Eyes- Martina McBride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I'll be posting just once or twice a week  
> Also me: Posts 2 days in a row because I wrote 3 chapters in one afternoon and it's clogging up my tabs

**_In my daughter's eyes, I am a hero. I am strong and wise, and I show no fear. But the truth is plain to see, she was sent to rescue me. I see who I want to be in my daughter's eyes._ **

"This is so cool!" Addyson all but shouts, running ahead of Toni into the precinct. She goes straight for Toni's desk, sitting on the leather chair. Toni shakes her head with a soft chuckle, following her daughter. 

"Remember, Addy-"

"No running around, no being loud, and mind my own business. You told me a  _million_  times, Mama," she huffs, rolling her little eyes.

"Just making sure. Cause you know, I'm technically not supposed to bring you to work to me. Uncle Pea only agreed to it because  _both_  your Mommy and Auntie Ronnie is out of town  _and_  Auntie Ellie is sick. And because there's no way your mother will let you go to a babysitter."

"She's over protective."

"Yes, she's very over protective. Just don't say that to her."

"Of course not, Mama."

Toni lifts Addyson up and sits, putting the child on her lap as she turns on her computer. "So...when do we do the fun stuff?" 

"I got you today, so no field work. Just paperwork."

"That's  _bo-ring_ ," she sighs. "Can I see what Uncle Fangs and Uncle Pea are doing? Please?"

"I will text them. I'm not letting you run wild, baby. Sorry." She pulls out her phone to text the boys, seeing a text from Cheryl.

**_Babe <3: Are you at work? Is Addyson with you? You didn't leave her with a sitter, did you?_ **

Toni chuckles and Addyson looks at her. "Your mother is freaking out a little."

Addyson peers at the text. "A-are you at wo..work? Is Addyson...that's me! Is Addyson with you? You did...did...what?"

Toni chuckles. " _Didn't._  That says didn't."

"Oh. You didn't l...leave?" Toni nods. "Leave her with a sitter, did you?" 

"Good reading, sweetie," Toni kisses the top of her head. "You're ready for first grade in the fall. So, how should we respond?"

"Send picture proof," Addyson says simply. She clicks on the camera app on the phone, switching it to selfie mode. "Your arm is bigger," she says as she hands the phone to Toni. Toni snaps a photo of herself with her daughter and sends it to her wife. 

**_TT: Relax, babe. Addy is with me at work._ **

**_Babe_  ❤: _Okay, sorry. I hate being away from you both. Give her a hug and kiss for me._ **

**_TT: Of course. I love you._ **

**_Babe_  ❤: _Love you too <3 miss you_ **

Toni puts the phone down and hugs a squealing Addyson and kisses her cheek. "Mama!"

"Sorry baby, your Mommy told me to give you a hug and kiss from her."

"You didn't  _have_  to!" she giggles.

"You know I did. I'll text your uncles now. Who's your first choice?"

"Uncle Pea!" she says without an ounce of hesitancy. 

Addyson wouldn't tell either mother, but her favoritism for Sweet Pea had to do with the fact he kept a stash of snacks and candy in his desk drawer for when she visited, that he had a tablet of kid games to entertain her, and that he'd give her money to go to the vending machines all by herself to get a cherry cola. No, she  _definitely_  wouldn't tell them that.  _Especially_  not Cheryl.

**_Tiny: Hey. Are you busy? Addy wants to know if she can chill in your office? She says I'm boring_ 🙁**

**_Pea: Hahahaha. And my doors are always open to Addy. Send the squirt over._ **

"Okay, you can go to Uncle Pea. And  _never_  tell your Mommy I let you walk to the other side of the precinct all by yourself."

"It's a place full of policemen. It couldn't be safer, y'know."

"Oh _I_  know. Your mother doesn't." Addyson giggles and runs off towards the sheriff's office. "Walk, Addy!  _Walk!"_  She shakes her head as her daughter ignores her, disappearing out of sight.

**_TT: Your child has no patience_ **

**_Babe_  ❤: _How come everytime she does something, she's suddenly MY child instead of ours?_ **

**_TT: Because when she does something it's usually 100% you_ 😂**

**_Babe_  ❤: _You love my spontaneous side, babe_ **

**_TT: I do. But it's double trouble, Cher. She's a mini you. In every sense._ **

**_Babe_  ❤: _Throwing a punch, that huff, her love for leather and obsession with cars and motorbikes are definitely NOT me. That's all you._ **

**_TT: She gets the cute stuff from you_ **

**_Babe_  ❤: _If you call excessive eye rolling cute, then sure_ 😂**

_**Babe**_ **❤** **:** _**Ronnie's freaking out, gotta go. Love you** _ **❤** ****_**tell Addyson I'll call you guys tonight** _

_**TT: Love you**_ **❤**

.............................................

"Uncle Pea!"

Addyson runs over to him and he scoops her up in a bear hug.

"Hey, sweetheart. Your Mama boring you?"

"Oh, yeah. Your office is so much more fun."

He puts her down in the swirly chair he pulled over for her and fishes her tablet from the drawer. "Fully charged and ready for you, missy."

"Thank you. Can I get a soda first?"

He chuckles and pulls out his wallet, pulling a few bills out and handing them to her. "Get yourself your cola and get me a mountain dew."

"Cherry cola," she reminds with a giggle. "And I know-if I see Mama, duck." She slides off the chair and out of the office. She knew the path to the vending machines by heart and had become a pro at using them. She got a bunch of hellos as she passed past desk, and a couple high fives. With her uncle being sheriff, and her other uncle and mother being officers, she was a familiar face to the officers, much like she was even more of a familiar face at Cheryl's recreation center. She made her way to the vending machines. She fed two of the bills to the machine, standing on her tip toes to punch in the numbers for her cherry cola. She fed the rest of the bills, trying to see what numbers to punch for her uncle's drink. 

"Need some help, Addyson?"

She froze and slowly turned around. "Um...hi, Mama." Toni raises and eyebrow. "Can you, um, get me that one for Uncle Pea?" she asks tentatively. 

Toni presses the buttons and the machine gives her the mountain dew. Addyson picks both bottles up and gives her a sheepish smile. "I won't tell Mommy if you don't?"

"Yeah, let's go with that. Tell your Uncle that he'll be the one in trouble if you bounce off the walls later." She turns and walks away, shaking her head. "Kids."

Addyson on the other hand skipped happily all the way to Sweet Pea's office. "So, your mission was successful?" he asks, taking the bottles. He opens hers and hands it back to her.

"Uh huh. Will I bounce off the walls if I drink this?" 

"Do you usually bounce off the walls when you drink it?"

"Uh...no."

"Then you should be safe," he says, taking a sip of his soda then returns to typing. She settles on the chair and pulls a honey bun from her snack drawer. She powers her tablet on, ready to entertain herself for a while.

.............................................

**_In my daughter's eyes, everyone is equal. Darkness turns to light, and the world is at peace. This miracle God gave to me gives me strength when I am weak. I find reason to believe in my daughter's eyes._ **

"Uncle Pea? Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he says, turning to face her. They had been in the office in peaceful silence for hours. 

"I pay attention. I'm only six, but I'm not a dummy."

"Of _course_ you aren't. Now what's going on?"

"My Mommy goes to a doctor _a lot_. And her and Mama kept saying stuff like tests and waiting. But they haven't told me anything. They don't know I listen in on them. Mama says I can be an eavesdropper so I haven't let them know I eavesdropped on them again."

"In your eavesdropping did you find out what's wrong with her?" He takes a nervous sip of his drink.

She nods. "What does _pregnant_ mean?"

Sweet Pea chokes on his drink, coughing. "Wh-they said that...what...um..." he takes a deep breath. "Are you _sure_ that's what you heard?" He didn't know why he asked that, she was six and there was nothing else a child would mistake that for.

"Uh-huh. What does it mean? Is she really sick."

"Uh...no. Nope. Not at all! Which one did you say? Was it your Mama or Mommy?"

"Mommy."

"Okay. Um, well, we'll just have to wait to find out. Don't tell anyone else you know."

"Not even Auntie Ronnie?"

" _Especially_  not Auntie Ronnie."

"Why?"

He leans in and whispers, "because Auntie Ronnie is trying to get pregnant, too."

......................................

"What?" Toni asks.

They had just gone home for the night, and it didn't take her long to realize her daughter's eyes followed her wherever you went.

Addyson shrugs. Toni's phone rings and the child pounces and grabs it before Toni has a chance to. "Addyson!"

"It's Mommy!" she presses the answer button. "Hi, Mommy!"

_"Hi, baby. Why do you have your Mama's phone?"_

"Cause I took it."

_"Can you give it to her for a moment, please?"_

Addyson pouts but hands Toni the phone. Toni leaves the room and Addyson sighs, hearing her voice but not making out words. A few minutes later, although it felt like an eternity to the little girl, Toni returned with a huge smile. She hands the phone back to her daughter. 

"Mommy, I spent the day at the police station!"

_"I saw the picture you sent me earlier. Did you have fun? You were good for Mama?"_

"I did! I hung out with Uncle Pea so Mama could work."

 _"Of course you did,"_ Cheryl laughs. _"Did you eat dinner yet?"_

"Yeah, we went to Pop's. I stole Mama's cherry."

_"Didn't Pop give you a cup of your own cherries?"_

"He did, I just wanted Mama's, too."

 _"Oh, Addy,"_ Cheryl laughs again. 

"I love you, Mommy."

_"I love you too, baby. To the moon and back."_

"And stars. To the moon and stars and back."

_"You want to change it to that? Okay. I love you to the moon and stars and back."_

Addyson smiles big and giggles. "'That's better."

_"Good, baby."_

"Mommy? Can I ask you something?"

_"Of course."_

"I eavesdropped on you and Mama a lot lately. So I heard stuff." 

_"Heard...what, exactly?"_

"What does pregnant mean?"

_**When she wraps her hand around my finger, how it puts a smile in my heart. Everything becomes a little clearer. I realize what life is all about! It's hanging on when your heart has had enough, it's giving more when you feel like giving up. I've seen the light, it's in my daughter's eyes. n my daughter's eyes, I can see the future. A reflection of who I am and what will be.** _


	3. Positive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short, pretty fluffy chapter. Longer, more interesting chapters to come.
> 
> Was going to post this tomorrow but close enough.

**_I remember when you were so little, holding you in my arms. And now, I'm looking out the window, watching you play in the yard. How does the time go bay so fast? Sometimes, I wish I could go back and do it all again, you see because you mean the world to me. I am the one who loved you from the start. You are the one forever in my heart. And no matter where you go, and who you may become, one thing that will never change is: I'll always be your mom._ **

_"Mommy? Can I ask you something?"_

_"Of course."_

_"I eavesdropped on you and Mama a lot lately. So I heard stuff."_

_"Heard...what, exactly?"_

_"What does pregnant mean?"_

Wait. 

That's what Addyson was told. 

Four days. 

Waiting four days may not be that long-but for a curious, and slightly worried, six year old girl, four days was an eternity.

It was the day her mother was to return from New York and she was pacing in front of the door. Toni tried many times to capture the child's attention to no avail. The little girl was waiting for her mother's return and planned to be the first to tackle her at the door. Because, as he had stated just mere weeks ago, nobody could give hugs and kisses like Cheryl could. She was the best hugger and kisser in the world to little Addyson.

After what seemed like forever, she saw the familiar red car pull up the driveway and she swung the door open. "Mommy!" She yells at the top of her lungs, running out of the house and down to the car. "Mommy, Mommy!" 

"Hi, baby!" Cheryl laughs as Addyson launches into her arms. "Whoa, careful, honey."

"Careful? Why careful? Are you hurt? Are you sick?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You sound just like your Mama right now. And no, I am not hurt or sick. I'm just tired right now," she says, carrying her inside where Ton is waiting. Toni smiles and walks up to her the moment she's inside, kissing her deeply.

"Yuck," Addyson says, wiggling to be put down. 

Both women laugh at their daughter's wrinkled nose and kiss again. "Did you get it?" Cheryl asks.

"Get what?" Addyson pipes up. 

"Yes," Toni says and tousles Addyson's hair. "Why don't you go get a snack?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Then go get your Mommy a snack, please."

Addyson sighs heavily and goes to the kitchen. Toni holds up an envelope and hands it to Cheryl. The redhead takes a shuddering breath and opens it slowly. Toni watches with a held breath, which she releases when she sees a smile break on her wife's face. "It...it's positive. It's still positive!" Cheryl says excitedly, wrapping her arms around Toni and kissing her passionately. They already had a positive, months ago when they first began the journey with the fertility clinic, but after some bad cramping and bleeding the redhead insisted on retesting to make sure she didn't lose the baby. And the paper in her hand stated that she was, in fact, still carrying the child. She had gone to be tested before leaving for New York and the wait made it the longest week in her life.

"What's going on? Mommy? Mama?" Addyson asks as she enters the room. She walks over to the excited parents, holding out a cup of black cherry yogurt and a banana. "Here."

Cheryl sits on the couch and Toni copies her, pulling Addyson on her lap. "Okay, baby. You remember what you asked?"

She nods, curls bouncing on her shoulders. 

"Well. What it means is that your Mommy has a baby in her belly. But it's still pretty early, so we haven't told anyone yet."

Addyson cocks her head, looking at Cheryl's stomach. "Where?"

Cheryl laughs. "The baby is only little right now. Like the size of an apple. But it will grow, and the bigger he or she gets, the bigger my belly will get." Toni nudges her and Cheryl reluctantly pulls her shirt up a little to show a small baby bump. "See? Just little."

"Oh. That's why you've been wearing sleep shirts during daytime.  _And_ I asked for a baby sister for my fifth birthday, what took you so long? I'm six and a half now."

Both women laugh, elated. They were worried Addyson would be upset, and ask why they needed another baby, why she wasn't enough. But like most things, the child took things in stride, not fazed and not blowing her. She was stubborn and spirited with plenty sass, but she rarely ever threw tantrums or yelled at her parents. She rarely had any attitude minus her eye rolling. She was overall an amazing child, one they would be forever thankful for. She was smart, sometimes acted well beyond her years. While Toni was not biologically her mother, it was something she got from her-being level headed and calm. 

"It takes time, baby. And we wanted to be sure we were ready, that  _all_ of us were. A baby is a lot of work. And having _two_ kids will be even more work. You know we both work a lot, so we needed time to figure everything out."

"I hope it's a girl. I don't like boys. Boys are _stupid_."

Cheryl laughs loudly as Toni gasps. "Addyson!"

"What? They _are_. Dag is very stupid. And stupid Levi Samuels is the stupidest of them all."

"Hey! One, don't use that word. It's not nice. Two, Dag is your cousin! And three, who's Levi?"

"A stu-an  _awful_ boy who throws dirt at me at recess. Will I be old enough to punch him when first grade starts?"

"No!" Both all but yell.

"You should _never_ punch someone, unless it is self defense. Which you do _not_ need in first grade because a boy throws dirt at you. When that happens, you tell your teacher," Toni instructs.

"My teacher doesn't go to recess."

"Then who does?"

"The recess monitor."

"Then tell them."

"Fine," she sighs. "When will you tell everyone you have a baby in your belly?"

"Soon," Cheryl says.

"How soon?"

"Any day now."

"Can I tell Juni?"

"We'll see."

"That's not a yes or no," she sighs, flopping over.

_**It's a wonder, just watching you grow up. Seeing the world through your eyes. And all the precious things you say and do, and how you make my heart melt when you smile. I know that someday you will leave, you have to go and chase your dreams. But I hope that you will always know **I am the one who loved you from the start. You are the one forever in my heart. And no matter where you go, and who you may become, one thing that will never change is: I'll always be your mom. I'll be there if you shall call in the middle of the night. No matter what is going on, I will try my best to make it right. And I know that I have made mistakes and I'm bound to make some more, but there's nobody on this earth that will ever love you more. Cause I am the one who loved you from the start. You are the one forever in my heart. And no matter where you go, and who you may become, one thing that will never change is: I'll always be your mom.**** _

....................................................

"Are you sure we're ready?" Toni asks that night, after Addyson was asleep.

"Are you getting cold feet on me, TT?"

"Of course not, but are we really ready?"

"Babe, we've been parents for _six_ years. The doctor said I was plenty healthy to have another baby. The fertility clinic did every test in the book. I've already started the process of promoting Taylor to manager so I have the time to stay at home, we have plenty of money-we're the wealthiest family in this town, babe-and we have plenty of room. And we have most of Addy's old stuff. We are _more_ than ready. And this is a pregnancy we can both thoroughly enjoy start to finish. We love Addyson more than anything, but well, you remember how awful that pregnancy was and how stressed we were. This is a good thing. Addyson will have a sibling, we'll have two kids. And I'd say we did a pretty damn good with Addyson so far. Wealthiest family and she's the furthest thing from a spoiled child. She's a healthy, happy, normal child. Rolls her eyes too much, but she's a good kid. She listens, mostly, she's respectful, she has manners. We did good, and we can do good again."

"Fifteen weeks down, twenty-five more to go."

"Or less, I did have Addy four weeks early."

"Let's not hope for that again. You really freaked out," Toni chuckles.

"I did not!"

"You totally did."

Cheryl just huffs, snuggling up against her. "I'm tired."

"Then sleep, my love," Toni murmurs, rubbing her back. "You need it."

.........................................................

"Pea!" Veronica yells from the bathroom. 

He runs in, unsure whether to be excited or upset.  

She holds the pregnancy test out to him and he takes it with a baited breath. He looks and lets out a whoop as he sees the pink positive sign. He lifts her up, swinging her around. "It's been twelve weeks and it's still a positive!"

"I'm so, so excited," she says with happy tears. "We're finally going to be parents!"

He laughs, kissing her happily.

"Oh! I have to call Cher and Betty!" She pulls out her phone.

"Ronnie, babe. It's nearly midnight, they're probably all asleep. Like you should be doing now that you're done stressing."

"Oh, I'm too excited to sleep now."

He chuckles, leading her to bed. "At least lay with me. I missed having my beautiful wife laying in my arms for a whole week. I just want to hold you."

"Okay," she says softly and lets him lead her to bed and pull her against him gently, kissing the back of her neck.

"I love you, Ronnie," he mumbles tiredly.

"I love you too, Pea."


	4. Summertime Planning

_**Time will change you, nothing lasts forevermore, tomorrow's all we're living for. Lights will blind you, illusions keep you wanting more, just look past revolving doors to find what's real. Dear life! Am I doing this right?  Can you see me tonight? Can you help me, dear life? And I know that I can't understand what you hold in your hands for me, dear life.** _

"Can we go now?" Ronnie asks, bouncing in place. Sweet Pea cringes, like the rest of his friends fearing one day she truly would break an ankle from bouncing or running in those heels. 

"Ronnie, wait-" he sighs. 

"What is it?" she asks, worry creeping in.

He hesitated. On one hand, he could tell her what Addyson had told him days before so Ronnie's news isn't minimized by the fact their friends were going to potentially be pregnant with baby number two before she was pregnant-which they had been trying for nearly _two years_  now. Many broken heart moments when she had miscarried twice at just twelve weeks. But they had passed twelve weeks now, and it was still a higher risk pregnancy, but they felt safe enough to tell their family. And if she were to lose this baby, too, she wanted her family to know and help her through it again. But on the other hand, if he didn't say anything and it was minimized, he'd feel like shit. But was it his place to tell his wife Cheryl and Toni's possible news? He wasn't too sure. 

"Nothing," he says reluctantly. "You want to go see them today?" 

She nods. "Of course."

"Come on then," he takes her hand and they leave their house, heading to the car.

...........................................

"Addy, what are you doing?" Toni asks with a laugh. Addyson was standing in front of the air conditioner, face in towards it. The air blew her curls all around. 

"It's hot out!" She whines. "It's like a hundred degrees!"

"Technically it's only ninety-two," Toni says with a small smirk. She hands the tray of food in her hands to Ellie who is by Nana Rose's side. The two of them are also crowded up by the air conditioner. 

"I'm with Addy, it's lethal out right now," Cheryl says, walking into the room. She had her long red locks pulled into a bun and she was in a rather tight tank top.

"Cher, are you sure you want to wear that?" Toni asks. "We haven't told anyone yet and well, you have enough baby bump for people to piece it together."

"I'm not changing. It's too hot out for that," she moans, sitting down on the couch. Addyson runs to the couch and jumps on it, flopping down beside her.

"It's hot enough to melt, Mama!" Addyson says.

"You are both so dramatic. Why don't we go change into swimsuits and hit the pool?" Toni offers to the two redheads who immediately perk up. "You want to come, too, Ellie? Nana seems content."

"I am," the old woman says with a smile. "Go play with the child, you only get to be young once. Enjoy it." She goes back to silence after that, tilting her head back and closing her eyes. 

Cheryl gets up and kisses her Nana's cheek before taking Addyson's hand and going upstairs to get swimsuits on. Toni goes to follow when she hears a knock on the door. "Oh no." She goes to the door and opens it, revealing a glowing Ronnie and Sweet Pea.

"Toni!" Ronnie squeals and grabs her in a hug. "Ellie!" She hugs her sister-in-law tightly after. "Where's Cher and Addy?"

"Upstairs," Toni says, "I'll get them." She takes the stairs two at a time. She goes into Addyson's room, seeing the little girl had already changed into a sparkly red swimsuit. "Where's Mommy?"

"Your room getting changed. She let me change all my myself!"

Toni nods and goes to her room and peeks her head into the bathroom, seeing her wife tying the back of her favorite red bikini. "Babe, Ronnie and Sweets are here."

"Oh?" the redhead muses. "Addy will be happy to see them."

"Cheryl." She gestured at her exposed stomach.

"Oh. Well, guess now is as good a time to tell them as ever." Toni goes to interrupt and Cheryl holds a finger up. "It is in the nineties out, it is way too hot to change into something to hide it, I'm not going to send them away _and_ Addyson is so excited to swim. So we're going to go swim. So you should change, and I'll make sure Addy got into her swimsuit fine and let her go entertain her aunt and uncle for a minute."

She kisses Toni and heads out to Addyson's room. "Addy?" 

"Look, Mommy!" she shouts, running to her, beaming. "Did it right all by myself!"

"You did, baby. Good job," she kneels down and strokes her cheek. "Guess what. Auntie Ronnie and Uncle Pea are downstairs."

Addyson squeals and hugs Cheryl quickly before bolting to the stairs. "Uncle Pea!" She screams, running over to him. He scoops her up and gives her a big kiss on her cheek.

"What am I, chopped liver?" Ronnie asks.

"Join the club," Ellie laughs as Sweet Pea says, "Jealous, ladies?"

"Can I have a hug, Addy?" Ronnie asks, reaching her arms out. Addyson lets Sweet Pea pass her over happily, giving Ronnie her best hug. "That's my girl. You give the best hugs in the world."

"I give the second best. Mommy gives the best hugs _ever_."

"Yeah, I guess she does." The three laugh. 

"Hey, Ronnie, Sweets." The couple look up to Cheryl coming down the stairs, Toni following her with towels. And Ronnie's eyes zero in on the fact her best friends stomach is not as flat as it should be. 

"Uh, Cher...are you...?"

"She has a baby in her belly!" Addyson yells excitedly before Cheryl has a chance to respond. "I'm going to have a sister!"

"We don't know if it's a boy or girl yet, Addy," Toni says.

"It _better_ be a girl," the child responds. 

"I suddenly don't want a boy anymore," Toni whispers in Cheryl's ear. The redhead covers a chuckle with a cough.

"Well, um, congratulations." Ronnie says, shifting her weight. "I am, too. Again. But we, um, made it past twelve weeks this time."

"Oh, Ronnie, that's _great_ news!" Cheryl says, moving to hug her friend who reciprocates the hug tightly. "I'm so happy for you."

"I'm kind of scared," she mumbles against her neck.

"You have all of us. You'll be okay. You _both_ will."

"I hope so, Cher, I really do." She stands up straighter and says in a normal voice, "so, we're going swimming?"

.........................................

Addyson's high pitched squeal of joy pierced the air as Sweet Pea threw her several feet in the air. Cheryl watched with a held breath everytime her daughter was airborne, but Toni kept a calming hand on her arm as they talked with Ellie.The three girls were sitting on the edge of the pool, legs dangling in the water. Sweet Pea and Ronnie were in the water, playing with Addyson. This was the first year the child was able to be in the pool without her life vest being able to swim without any trouble at all-but Cheryl made her wear one the second Sweet Pea went to throw her the first time. Addyson sighed but put it on to put her mother's worry at ease. Sweet Pea was doing the heavy lifting while Ronnie stayed near them, taking it easy.

"They'll make great parents," Ellie says with a smile. "And I'll be an aunt to _three_ kids! One of you have to have a boy. We can't have four girls running around."

"Oh right, Addy keeps asking if she can tell Juniper. I want a boy, but Cher wants another girl. Why, I don't know," she laughs. "Guess Juni and Addy aren't enough."

"Hey, I just prefer little tiny girls running around. They're cute!"

"And boys _aren't?"_ Toni asks through her laughter. "Oh man, if it's a he, he'll have a sister who'll want to ship him off to Alaska, isn't that bad enough? Be nice."

"Ship him off to Alaska?" Cheryl chokes out.

"I dropped Jordan off at the post office when he was a baby. I was about Addy's age then. I didn't care _where_ he went as long as it wasn't back at our trailer. I asked for a puppy and they brought _him_ home."

By that point all three girls were doubling over in laughter, holding their sides. They just laughed for a good several minutes before calming down. Ellie glances at them. "I know they haven't asked, but, um...you think that you could give them some practice once she's further along and not at too much risk?"

"Practice?" Toni asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Let them take Addy for like a week or something. They get to play uninterrupted parents. And you two-go on a mini vacation or something child free before you're saddled with _two_ kids."

"A week without her?" Cheryl asks worriedly. "And out of town?"

"She'd be fine, Cher. It'd be good. You just went out of town week without her, anyways."

"But she was with _you_."

"And she'd be with Sweets and Ronnie. They may not be her parents but they have been here since long before she was born and lived with us until she was nearly five. They'd be fine. And we're talking about the possibility, babe. Nothing is set in stone. So don't worry, that's not good for _this_ baby," she says, putting a hand on Cheryl's stomach. 

"I know," she sighs. "I'm sorry. I just worry about her so much."

"You're her mother, that's your job. You're the overprotective Mama Bear."

Cheryl cracked a small smile and nods. Toni pushes off the edge into the water and takes Cheryl's hand. "Toni, don't!" Toni smirks and ignores her, tugging her hand and pulling her forward. Cheryl lets out a yelp as she falls into the water. Ellie laughs loudly and jumps in after them. Cheryl surfaces, sputtering. "Toni!" She whines with an annoyed huff. 

Toni just laughs, swimming backwards away from her annoyed wife. She feels little arms wrapping around her neck and legs being thrown around her waist. "Hi, Addy."

"Hi, Mama! You made Mommy fall in the water," she giggles. "She's all grumpy now."

Toni turns her head to look at her daughter. "Very grumpy now, huh?"

"Uh-huh. I want the vest off."

Toni pulls her around the front of her and unbuckles the life vest and tosses it onto the edge. "There you go. Go get Mommy!" She gives her a push and Addyson swims over to Cheryl. She smiles and follows. Addyson finds herself sitting on Cheryl's hip, arms around her neck. 

"We're all wet now," Addyson says. 

"We are."

Ronnie swims over to them then stands besides them. "That was a lot of fun, wasn't it little goose?" 

Addyson nods, her wet curls splashing Cheryl in the face. "Hey!" the older Blossom laughs.

"Sorry, Mommy," Addyson giggles. "Auntie Ronnie and Uncle Pea played shark with me after he was done throwing me."

"Shark, huh?" Cheryl asks.

"Did you know that your Mommy once touched a-hey!" Sweet Pea said, Cheryl splashing him before he could finish. "No fair, Red. A shark. She touched a real great white shark in the ocean once!"

 _"Really?"_ Addyson shrieks. "I want to do that, too!"

"No!" Cheryl and Toni say at the same time. "No sharks for little girls. Closest you'll get is going to an aquarium," Toni says.

"Okay. When are we going to an aquarium?" Addyson asks. 

Cheryl turns to look at Toni, raising an eyebrow. Toni shrugs sheepishly. Addyson looks between the two impatiently. 

"We can make a family day out of it! All of us, we can bring Nana Rose, too, and Auntie Polly can come with Juni and Dag! Auntie Ronnie used to tell me about an aquarium in Boston, and that's not too far from here! Just like, some hours. Please, Mommy, please!"

Cheryl gives Toni one last look before sighing. "Guess we have some planning to do, don't we?"

_**Love will change you. No matter if you stay with them, you'll be the same again. You showed me magic, highs I've never felt before, memories that I thank you for from deep in my soul. Dear life! Am I doing this right?  Can you see me tonight? Can you help me, dear life? And I know that I can't understand what you hold in your hands for me, dear life. I'm a survivor! Sometimes, it hurts you. Maybe it's a lesson learned, to bring my feet back to this earth to find what's real. Dear life!** _


	5. Aquarium Adventure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My 5 yr old asked me why I was typing so much and I told her I was writing a story. I mentioned it had sharks in it. I had to listen to her sing "Baby Shark" on a loop for HOURS. For those of you who have no idea what Baby Shark is, you are very very lucky people. If you have kids and don't know what it is, prepare yourself because you eventually will. I had Little Einstein theme song stuck in my head for two years, now I have baby shark. Little Einstein was less annoying 😂

_**The dawn is breaking, a light shining through. You're barely waking and I'm tangled up in you. I'm open, you're closed. I'll follow where you'll go. I worry I won't see your face light up again! Even the best fall down sometimes! Even the wrong words seem to rhyme. Out of the doubt that fills my mind, I'll somehow find that you and I collide.** _

****"We're here! Juni, Dag, look!" Addyson shouts excitedly. She was in the backseat of Ronnie and Sweet Pea's car with Juniper and Dagwood. Polly wasn't able to go, she had plans with her sister and brother-in-law, but she happily sent the twins along. Cheryl, Toni, Ellie, and Nana Rose were in their SUV just ahead of the car. The elder Blossom had been ecstatic to learn she was going to the aquarium. It had taken a few weeks of planning-mainly because Veronica's doctor had insisted she waited until she was further along to spend an entire day on her feet-but the older woman's smile when Addyson talked hours on end to her on how they were all going to see real sharks was enough incentive for the Blossom-Topazes, and Ronnie used looking forward to the trip as incentive to keep herself on bedrest for three weeks, much as she hated it.

The two vehicles found parking spaces relatively close together. Ronnie and Sweet Pea got the kids out, keeping them from bolting into the busy parking lot while the other three women got Nana Rose out of the vehicle and into her wheelchair. "Ready, Nana?" Ellie asks, taking position to push the chair.

"I am," she says, her voice quivering with excitement. 

Ellie pushed the wheelchair over to where the other couple were holding the children back from the parking lot. Once they reached them, Addyson reached a hand out, taking Toni's in her own. Juniper took advantage of Addyson's choosing Toni and glued herself to Cheryl's side while Dagwood was holding both Ronnie and Sweet Pea's. "Everyone ready?" They got a chorus of excited yeses. They crossed the parking lot to the aquarium's entrance, the kids all bouncing excitedly.

"Sea lions!" Addyson yells at the exhibit by the entrance. "Mama, Mommy, look!" The three children press their faces to the glass as they observe the mammals in awe for a bit before the adults eventually herd them inside. They entered the lobby to get their entry tickets and stamped hands, which the children loved. Then they were free to roam.

"I want to see the sharks!" Addyson said.

"I want to see the jellyfish!" Dagwood said.

"I want to go to the area where we can touch the starfish and stingrays and baby sharks!" Juniper said.

"And we'll see them all, but let's stick together, okay? We'll see them one at a time," Cheryl says. She hands Juniper a guide.

Juniper opens it. "Exhibits. There's a marine show of the sea lions! Penguins, there's a shark and ray touch tank, Addy! The giant ocean tank, that's where the big fish and sharks are probably. Olympic Coast. What's that?"

"We'll find out," Cheryl says. "So...where should we go first? No fighting."

"Penguins are closest," Dagwood says with a sweet smile. 

"Yeah!" both girls say excitedly. 

They went on their way to the penguins. Toni picks Addyson up so she could catch up to be side by side with Cheryl. She leans in and whispers. "Dags just saved us a bunch of arguing kids. Boys aren't that bad, huh?" 

Cheryl chuckles softly. "Never said I don't like boys, and if we have a son, I'll love him just as much as I would a girl. I just want another girl."

"Hm. I'll love a girl, but I want a boy. We need a boy. If it's a girl, we'll just have to have a third, or fourth kid to get a boy."

"Yeah, I did number one and two, you can have a turn at pregnancy for three and four."

"Yeah no, I'm good," she laughs.

"Tiny, Red, care to share your thoughts with us?" Sweet Pea calls from behind them. 

"Mommy wants another girl, Mama wants a boy! Mama said if I have a sister then Mommy just has to keep having babies til I get a brother and Mommy told Mama that she can have the next babies but Mama said no, that she's good," Addyson answered for them. 

"She's a parrot," Toni says, pointing at the child in her arms. 

"Well, you are holding her while we were having that conversation."

"Right." Toni puts her down, taking her hand once again. The walked in comfortable silence until they reached the penguins. Then Addyson pulls away from Toni to run to the glass and Cheryl lets Juniper follow. Dagwood follows them. Cheryl and Toni stay a bit back and let the children enjoy themselves. Sweet Pea and Ronnie stand beside them as Ellie finds an open spot by the kids at the glass so Nana Rose can watch the little birds excitedly. 

"I can't believe this time next year there'll be two more to the mix," Toni says softly. "Five kids. Two of them _ours_."

" _Maybe_ five," Ronnie sighs. "My body might not be able to carry this baby. You know that if I don't miscarriage there's a good chance of early stillbirth? Or way too early labor?"

"Ronnie. If you keep stressing over every bad possibility, then you _will_ miscarry. You can't stress yourself out, it's not good for the baby or for _you_. You need to try to be as stress free as possible. Toni reminds me that every moment she has to after a scare we had a couple days before New York."

"How do I be stress free after all the possibilities the doctor told us?" She asks worriedly. "We're on a daycation with these amazing kids at this amazing place, but all I can think about is if I'll lose my baby today."

"Look at the kids. That's what I do. It's hard to worry when you listen to their excited voices and see those huge smiles. Carry Addy around today if you have to, she's probably my greatest stress reliever. Little miss independence has been more than happy to be carried around lately since she learned her only child days are numbered. She kind of realized that having a sibling means no more complete undivided attention, that she'll have to share it with a baby soon enough."

"Look at that," Sweet Pea speaks up. "Cheryl Blossom being the one giving advice, not receiving it." The three girls laugh at that. "So...about what Addy parroted earlier. Was the third and fourth baby a joke or are you subconsciously admitting you want more than two?"

"I always wanted four kids growing up," Toni muses. 

"Two girls, two boys," Sweet Pea says. "I remember."

"I never wanted any kids. Before Addy, I didn't want kids _at all_. Cheryl Blossom, being a parent. My family. I never wanted children being born into a family I so _desperately_ wanted out of, I couldn't bring a child into a life like that. But now, we're onto child number two because we have a good, happy family. I wouldn't mind three or four kids now. Though, for three or four you have to at least have one of them, TT. I'm onto pregnancy number two and I am so not looking forward to giving birth number two."

"You'll have to update me on every step of the pregnancy and such soon, Bombshell," Ronnie says.

"I will," Cheryl promises as the kids run back over to them. 

"Sharks now!" Addyson says and the twins nod.

..................................................

"Whoa," Addyson says, hands on the glass. They were at the ocean tank, the massive four story tall roundabout hosting hundreds of aquatic life from plant life, to over eight hundred species of fish, the legendary green sea turtle along with other smaller loggerback turtles, moray eels, a few barracuda, and Addyson's favorite-a few tiger sharks. "The shark, Mommy, look!"

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Cheryl says, standing behind her daughter. 

"Do you think, after you don't have a baby in your belly, we can go to the island you touched a shark on? Kids can go in the shark cages, right? I want to see a great white up close. A big, big one."

"We'll see, baby."

Addyson puts her arms up and Cheryl picks her up and they go back to staring into the tank. "Mama loves the sea turtles."

"I do," Toni says with a smile. You know the really big one we saw a few minutes ago has been here since 1970."

"Is that really old?" Addyson asks.

"It is. She's been at the aquarium for 55 years, and she may be even older than that. But sea turtles can live over a hundred, the average is about 80 years."

"How old do people live?" the child asks, looking over to Ellie and Nana Rose. Cheryl and Toni follow her gaze.  

"People um, they can live a long time," Toni says, nodding. "Some people can make it over a hundred, too."

"What's the average?" Addyson asks slowly, trying to determine what the foreign word meant. 

"Older than Nana is, don't worry," Cheryl lies. "Now, how many types of fish can you find?"

"Uh... there's a blue one. A red one, a green one. That one looks like Dory, and there's a Nemo! That one is funny, he looks squished up like a pancake," she giggles. "That one has a lot of teeth. And that...is that a sea snake?"

"That would be a moray eel," Toni laughs. "They're kinda like sea snakes."

"Don't eels have elec...electricity?"

"Some do, but not this kind."

"Okay. Look, there's another!"

The group stayed at the ocean tank for a while. Then they ventured off to find the Olympic Coast section. That section hosted several smaller tanks. There was the tidepool section hosting different types of crabs, including hermit crabs, starfish, sea cucumbers-the kids all laughed at that name-snails and different types of small plants. There was the tank that hosted a giant Pacific octopus. There was the tank of the jellyfish. And tanks hosting several types of fish and some eels. The area was open and didn't have many visitors so hands were let go with the promise that the children wouldn't wander out of eyesight of the adults, which meant they had to keep at least one of the adults in their family in sight. Cheryl was very reluctant but Toni promised it would be okay, that Addy knew better to take off and the twins _never_ strayed. 

Cheryl ended up finding herself behind her Nana's wheelchair, wheeling her over to look at the jellyfish. She angled the chair so the older Blossom could put a quivering hand to the glass. They were silent for a bit before Nana Rose spoke. "Come in front of me so I can see you, child." 

Cheryl sets the brakes of the chair and moves around in front. "I'm 23, Nana. I'm hardly a child anymore."

"You'll always be my grandchild, Cheryl, no matter how old you get. Same as that child," she points over to where Addyson is pulling Ronnie over to the octopus tank, "will always be your baby."

"Yeah. She will."

"You make me proud." Cheryl turns back to look at her. "Do-do you remember the speech you gave? At your father's will reading?"

"No more blood, no more madness, no more horror," Cheryl says quietly. "Considering our family tree, that was a lot to ask."

"I am so happy I have lived long enough to see you turn your words into truth. Seeing you...you married, had children away from the blood and madness and horror. You aren't your mother."

"Speaking of mother..."

"I know, child. Dear Eliana told me." 

Cheryl gives a tight-lipped smile. "I never want to be like her."

"You are not. And you won't be. You have good company in Antoinette, Eliana, Jordan and Veronica. You have been a marvelous example to Juniper and Dagwood and our beautiful little Addyson. And you will be to that baby inside you."

"You aren't telling me this because you're...?"

"I'm an old woman, Cheryl. I've lived a long life. I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon, at least not until you have that baby, but you never know my dear."

Cheryl wipes a tear that rolled down her cheek. "I haven't told Toni, but...I don't want her in my life-in our life, and she doesn't deserve to know Addyson, but a part of me wants Addy to know her. Or at least meet her."

"Tell your wife. Nothing bad comes out of being honest, Cheryl." 

Cheryl takes a deep breath and nods. "Okay." She takes a deep breath and kneels down so she can hug her. "I love you, Nana."

_**I'm quiet, you know. You make a first impression, but I've found I'm scare to know I'm always on your mind!  Even the best fall down sometimes! Eve the stars refuse to shine! Out of the back, you fall in time and somehow find you and I collide.** _

"Ready?" Cheryl asks Addyson and the child gives her a devilish grin. 

"Ready."

They both stuck their hands into the water, Addyson being he first to make contact with a small nurse shark. She gasps. "Mommy!" She giggles, letting another shark brush under her fingertips. Cheryl lets her hand glide over the back of a small manta ray. 

"It's so smooth, Mommy. I thought it'd be rough, but sharks are so smooth."

"Slimy?" Toni asks, kneeling by Addyson's other side.

"Nope. Just smooth." The little girl says. "Mama, you touch one."

"No thanks," Toni chuckles.

"Mommy's touching one, you have to, too."

"Yeah, babe. I'm touching sharks _and_ manta rays, you can touch a shark. Just one. _You're_ the one who convinced me to go diving that time with the sharks and got me over my fear in the first place."

"Seeing and touching are very different things," Toni says and Addyson gives her the very best puppy eyes she can muster. 

"Please, Mama? We're supposed to be making good family memories."

Toni shudders and moves over to Cheryl. The redhead takes her hand and puts it in the water. Toni sucks in a breath when a sharks glides beneath her hand. "Whoa. Okay, it is smooth. Not slimy. Can I be done now?" 

Both redheads laugh at her reaction and Toni shakes her head at them. "What am I going to do with the two of you?"

"Love us," Addyson says simply. 

And that's what both of them did, every day. They loved each other, loved their daughter and their unborn child. They just loved.

They ate lunch in the lovely cafeteria, then watched the sea lion show that had all three children on their feet in excitement. Then they visited the gift shop. They left the aquarium, Nana with a beautiful snow glove picture frame that she wanted a photo of Addyson put in, until the baby was born then she wanted a photo with both children. Juniper had a pink stuffed manta ray, Dagwood had a red stuffed jellyfish, and Addyson had a stuffed shark. Every person left with a pound of candy. Cheryl and Toni had given each child a few pieces for the ride home, keeping the bags of candy in the SUV instead of Sweet Pea's car. They dropped off sleepy twins to a grateful Polly, making sure Polly was given the candy bags so the children didn't give themselves sugar highs-or make themselves sick. Then they went home. Sweet Pea helped Ellie get Nana Rose inside and to bed and Toni carried a sleeping Addyson to her bed. They all bid each other goodnight, Sweet Pea walking Ellie to her home before heading out. 

As Cheryl and Toni drifted to sleep, they heard their door creak open and felt someone get onto their bed. They felt the little six year old body squeeze between them and they both had matching content smiles on their faces. Yes, this was the kind of love that they fought for, every day. 

_**Don't stop here, I lost my place, I'm close behind. Even the best fall down sometimes! Even the wrong words seem to rhyme. Out of the doubt that fills your mind, you finally find you and I collide!** _


	6. From Five to Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deleted the note chapter, but I saved every one of your suggestions to consider.
> 
> Also, sorry guys, but here's warning: This is the first non happy chapter, and it's a bit intense.

  ** _She thinks I walk on the water, she think I hung the moon. She tells me every morning they just don't make ones like you. She thinks I've got it together, she swears I'm as tough as nails. I don't have the heart to tell her that maybe she don't know me that well. She don't know how much I need her, she don't know I'd fall apart without her kiss, without her touch, without her faithful loving arms. She don't don't know it's all about her, she don't know I can't live without her. She's my world, she's my _ _everything._**

"How much longer?" Addyson asked for what felt like the millionth time.

It was the 20 week ultrasound, putting the redhead already halfway through her pregnancy. She hadn't had an ultrasounds since her ten week one, slacking a bit unlike she did when she was pregnant with Addyson. Her stomach had nearly doubled in size in just a few short weeks, and Cheryl complained that she felt like she was as fat at five months as she was at eight months with Addyson. And Toni couldn't even deny it.

"Soon," Cheryl says, shifting again. The plastic of the ultrasound table crinkling a little with every movement.

"Why does Mommy keep moving?" the annoyed child asks Toni and Cheryl bites back the _I'm right here_ that's at the tip of her tongue.

"Because the baby in her belly makes it hard for her to get comfortable sometimes. This being one of those times."

"Oh."

The child didn't get the chance to say anymore as the ultrasound technician walked in. "Hello, there," she says with a smile. With Cheryl's luck, she had the same ultrasound technician throughout her pregnancy with Addy and now again with this baby six years later. "Oh, my, is this little miss Addyson?" the technician asks with a bright smile.

"It sure is," Cheryl says with a smile.

"Hi," Addyson stands up, offering a hand to her. "I'm Addy."

"I'm Delilah. I took pictures of you when you were in your mother's belly. And what a fine young lady you became."

Addyson giggles. "You're gonna take pictures of the baby? I hope it's a sister. Can you tell me if it's a sister?"

"I can tell if it's a boy or girl, but it's up to your mother's if I can tell you," she says with a smile and goes to Cheryl. "You know the drill."

Cheryl rolls her shirt up and Delilah puts the cool gel on her stomach, chucking as the redhead winces slightly at the cold. Toni gets up and goes to stand by her, taking her hand gently. Addy follows peeks over the table at Delilah moving the wand over her mother's stomach.

"Is the baby alright?" Cheryl asks, brow furrowing as Delilah studies the screen silently.

"Yes, the _babies_ are okay."

"Babies? As in more than one?" Cheryl asks softly after a long moment of shock passed.

"Congratulations, you have twins." She turns the monitor, letting the family see the very obvious twins.

"Boys or girls?" Addyson pipes up.

Delilah looks to the women for permission and they both nod, so she turns back to study the images. A few moments later, she smiles. "Twin A," the touches the screen gently, "is a girl. And twin B, is a boy. You have one of each."

"So...I have a sister and a brother?" Addyson asks excitedly.

"Yes, Addy," Toni says with a laugh, picking her up. "We just went from two kids to three."

"You did say you wanted four," Cheryl says.

"I did, didn't I?"

..................................................

"Twins?" Ronnie asks, a huge smile plastered on her face. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you! _Three_ kids. Wow," Cheryl chuckles, hugging her best she can.

"I made it to sixteen weeks and Noah's going strong so the doctor is becoming more positive of making it to term."

"That's wonderful news! And Noah?" Cheryl asks gently.

"We picked a name the moment it was confirmed I was pregnant. After we lost the other two, I just didn't want this one to die without a name. But...I'm _actually_ becoming hopeful. So...do yours have names?"

"We had a boy and a girl name chosen for either sex weeks ago. We have one of each so both have names."

"What are they?"

"Not saying. You'll find out when they're out in the world." She laughs at the look on Ronnie's face.

"No! Not again! I want names _now!_ Mine is Noah Anthony Cadenza. Now spill yours."

"I'm waiting to reveal the names, I don't know why. I just want to."

"Cheryl! I need names," she whines. "Come on, give me a reason to be less stressed. Baby names always make me happy."

"That's not fair," Cheryl shakes her head but Ronnie looks at her impatiently and Cheryl chuckles dryly. "Fine. But you better not tell anyone else, not even Pea."

"I promise," she says, holding her pinkie out. Cheryl laughs and hooks her pinkie to hers.

"Jason and Avery, that's what we chose. You have to wait until they're born to learn their middle names though."

" _Avery_ , I take it Toni chose that one? And I can wait for middle names. Noah, Jason and Avery. They will make six when they join Addy, Juni and Dags."

"From five to six.. _. twins_, Ronnie. I have two little humans growing inside of me." Cheryl is still trying to wrap her head around the news.

Ronnie laughs, wrapping her arms around Cheryl. "Twins."

...............................................................

"I don't need another baby shower, Ronnie. I still have most of Addy's old stuff."

"But Addy's a girl. You're having a boy, too. We can do a joint one, cause I sure as hell need one. _Please_." Ronnie gives her the best pout she has and Cheryl rolls her eyes.

"I don't know, Ronnie. I didn't want to even have the first one-don't get me wrong, I loved it, I did. But you know how reluctant I was."

"But that was a different time, different circumstances! You have no boy stuff. Sure, you have Addy's old crib and carseat but you don't have _two_. You're going to need two of everything."

"I am more than capable of buying a crib and carseat!" Cheryl sighs heavily, running a hand through her hair. "I'm sorry, Ronnie. I know how important this is for you."

"So you'll have one with me?"

"I'll have one," she says reluctantly.

Ronnie smiles. "Great! Ellie's already going to plan mine, I'll tell her it's a joint one now. At your place, obviously. Maybe Betty can help her, she's been having a hard time since she got the news she can't have kids. She's been pestering me about having a shower, guess she wants to live motherhood through me."

"She can always adopt, or have a surrogate," Cheryl says. "I know it's hard for her, not being able to have kids, but-"

"No, you _don't!"_ Ronnie snaps. Cheryl flinches at her tone. "You're just miss perfect, with a healthy baby and pregnant with twins. You get to walk around without a care in the

world. You get to go to work everyday. You just don't _get_ it! Betty can _never_ have children! I've lost two babies, Cheryl! _Two!_ While I was going through the loss of my baby, both times, you were running around obliviously with your child, and it's _not_ fair. You were raped and still had a perfectly healthy baby, and it's not fair! You can't have a baby with your wife so you had to have a stranger's sperm put inside of you and you have two healthy babies. Yet me and my husband, who love each other very much, who _can_ make babies, have so much trouble keeping a baby! I worry every day whether I'm going to lose Noah. I can't sleep at night, I just lay there worrying. Everytime I get a stomachache, I call Sweet Pea home from work because I'm terrified. I can't go to work anymore, I can't go on long walks without consulting my doctor, I can barely get out of my goddamn bed some days! So _no_ , Cheryl, you _don't_ get it."

Cheryl just stares at her silently. She wants to apologize, she wants to hug and comfort her friend. She wants to do something. _Anything._ She knows Ronnie was hurting, that she just needed to get it off her chest. She knows her words weren't meant to lash her like her mother's belt did. She knows that it's just a fucking sensitive topic to Ronnie, and Cheryl had just carelessly said that their friend-her _cousin_ -could just adopt like it was something simple. And Cheryl knew she couldn't understand. After all, Ronnie was right. Cheryl _did_ have a healthy daughter and healthy twins inside her, she _did_ walk around without worrying because the doctor had no worries and said that moving around was healthy for them, she _did_  still go to work. But she couldn't tell Ronnie that-she couldn't tell her that she was right and how sorry she was for being insensitive like always. She couldn't move. She was frozen, because for a moment, when her friend was yelling, she was teleported back to a time where she was constantly yelled at, where she was always hurt. Angry yelling was a trigger for her, and she _hated_ herself for it, hated that nobody could get angry and yell around her without sending her into a flashback episode. Because it wasn't _fair_. _Ronnie_ was the one hurting, the one needing comfort, and here she was, being _weak_ and _ broken_, making it all about her. Like the world revolved around her. But broken or not, a part of her knew she was at least a little bit justified being hurt, because nobody had made her felt guilty about being a mother until now. 

She was brought out of her trance by a cold hand on her cheek. "Cheryl?" She looked up to see concerned brown eyes.

"I'm sorry, Ronnie. I-I have to go. I'm going to call Ellie, have her come stay with you until Sweet Pea gets home from work." She gets up, pulling away from her friend's grasp.

"Cheryl, don't go, please! I'm sorry!"

The redhead doesn't listen, or maybe she just doesn't hear her being in her own head, and she's gone. Ronnie sinks to the floor, leaning against her bed, breaking down in heart-wrenching sobs. And that's how Ellie finds her no more than ten minutes later. The older girl sits besides her sister-in-law and wraps arms around her, pulling her close.

"Ronnie, sweetie? What's wrong?"

"Baby shower, we-we were talking a-about having a baby shower. H-How did it go so...so w-wrong? I just c-couldn't st-stop. I just have b-been h-holding everything in a-and I snapped, I y-yelled at her. I'm not mad at Ch-Cheryl but she probably h-hates me now."

"Oh, honey," Ellie rubs her back soothingly, pressing a kiss on her head. "Cheryl doesn't hate you. There's nothing you could say to ever make her hate you."

"I t-told her it wasn't fair she had A-Addy. I b-brought up that she was r-raped and told her it wasn't _fair_. It wasn't f-fair she had a baby from th-that and had to get help to have these ones but me and my husband can't have a baby."

"She doesn't hate you. She might be upset, but she doesn't hate you. I bet by this time tomorrow she'll be on your doorstep ready to talk and you two will be hugging it out."

"Can you make sure she made it home okay? She shouldn't have driven while she wasn't in her right frame of mind. I tried to stop her, but I couldn't." She sniffs, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand.

"I'll tell you what. You get into bed and I'll text Toni while I make you some food and get you a cup of tea," Ellie bargains, helping her up. Ronnie nods and climbs into bed, pulling the comforter up around her. "I'll be right back." Ellie goes into the kitchen and turns the stove on. While it pre-heated she pulled out her phone and typed a quick message to Toni.

**_ Ellie: Hey. Apparently C and V got into a fight or something. C left upset. V wanted to know if she made it home in one piece. _ **

Once the stove beeped, she pulled chicken nuggets-Ronnie's current craving-out of the freezer and put them on a tray, sticking it in the oven and setting the timer. She filled the kettle with water and put it on the stovetop.

**_ Topaz: She's home. _ **

**_ Ellie: Is she okay? _ **

**_ Topaz: You'll know when I know. _ **

**_ Ellie: T? What's going on? _ **

Ellie sighs in frustration as the minutes went on and she got no answer. The kettle began to scream and she turned the stove off, pouring the hot water into the mug, tea bag inside. Then the oven beeped and she took the nuggets out, plating them. Her nose wrinkled when she put ranch dressing onto the plate. With the nugget craving came the crave to dip them into ranch, something the raven haired girl would never do if she was not with child. She brought Ronnie her plate of food and tea. She sat up in bed, reaching for the plate hungrily.

"Thanks, El. Did you text Toni?"

"I did," she forces a smile. "Cher made it home safely."

"Good. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to her because of me."

"Hey. If anything _did_ happen, it wouldn't be your fault. It was a shitty situation, but it _wouldn't_ be your fault. You didn't make her leave, and you should be able to rant to your best friend."

"I _yelled_ at her."

"So? People yell. It's not your fault she can't take yelling. Not her fault either. It's neither of your fault. But she's fine, so stop worrying about her and focus on you and your baby."

"Noah."

"What?"

"His name is Noah."

Ellie smiles. "That's a beautiful name. I love it. He's going to be a beautiful, strong little boy. The strongest of them all. We need some strong boys, with all these girls running around. Dagwood barely makes appearances because Juniper and Addyson are _a lot_ to deal with on a good day when they're put together. But with Noah, and Cheryl and Toni's boy, it'll tie them up. Three against three."

"The girls will still win," Ronnie says with a crooked smile. "They always do."

Ellie laughs and lays beside her. "They always do, don't they."

They stayed in that position for a while, Ellie subtly peeking at her phone to see if she had any new messages from Toni every now and then. Sweet Pea arrived home three hours later. He peeked into the room anxiously and sees both girls. He beckons Ellie over and she carefully gets up to not disrupt Ronnie who's now sleeping. She follows her brother to the kitchen.

"She's alright?" was the first thing he asks. "Ellie, is Veronica alright?"

"Hey, voice down. She's sleeping. And yes, she is perfectly fine."

"I heard her and Cheryl had some sort of argument."

"From Toni? You talked to Toni?"

"I just got off the phone with her."

"Oh god, are they okay? Are the babies okay? I've been waiting for _hours_ to hear back."

"I don't know."

"Cheryl? Is _she_ okay?"

"I don't know." He walks around her and goes to his room. He sits on the bed beside his wife, putting a hand on her finally showing baby bump. The only thing he cared about in that moment was that _she_ was okay.

  ** _Sometimes she cries on my shoulder when she's lying next to me. Buts he don't know that when I hold her, that she's really holding me. She don't know how much I need her, she don't know I'd fall apart without her kiss, without her touch, without her faithful loving arms. She don't don't know it's all about her, she don't know I can't live without her. She's my world, she's my everything. The funny thing is she thinks she's the lucky one._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to the person who requested that Toni/Veronica develop a better friendship, I wrote this and the next chapter a week before I posted the note. But don't worry, no relationship inside the Trailer Lot is over, just a lot of strain atm.


	7. Light Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just making it clear: I can one hundred percent guarantee that no babies are dying in this, so don't worry too much. All 3 babies will be okay.

  ** _I'll say it one last time for you, then we really have to go. You've been the only thing that's right in all I've done. And I can barely look at you, but every single time I do I know we'll make it anywhere away from here. Light up, light up as if you choice! Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear._**

"It's not her fault, TT," Cheryl mumbles, pulling the blanket tighter around her.

"She _knows_ yelling triggers you, Cheryl. And she still yelled. _At you_. About something you have no control over, it's not your fault she had two miscarriages or this one is high risk. It's not her fault either, it's _nobody's_ fault. Yet she still yelled at you like it was."

"She's _hurting_ , Toni. She had to get it off her chest before it ate her alive."

"She can yell at anyone, anyone but you. You could have lost the babies-fuck, you almost _died_ , Cheryl."

"But I'm fine now, Toni. Doctor Stevens isn't even worried anymore, she said once I'm up to it I can resume my regular routine. _I'm_ the one choosing to stay in bed. I'm just tired. Really tired. But not hurting. If I feel even the slightest bit off, I'll call you right away."

"You shouldn't have to _call _me. Sweet Pea taking time off means I have to step it up, and he's not the one with a wife who just spent ten days in the hospital for close monitoring."

"No, he's the one with a wife who has a high risk pregnancy, who has to have someone with her around the clock just in case, and who's been even more stressed than usual since _someone_ won't let her see me or even call me to make sure I'm okay," she says with a pointed look at her. "How long do you plan on keeping me away from everyone?"

"You can see anyone but her. Not that I'm blaming her, Cher. I'm _not_. But between the two of you, there are too many unstable emotions and that almost cost us greatly. So yes, I am keeping you separated from her because I do not want either of you having a harder pregnancy than you already do."

"Baby shower."

"What?"

"I promised her I’d have a joint baby shower with her, if she still wants to that is."

_" Hell no."_

"I pinkie promised her, TT. I can't break it. It's a solid oath."

"Damn it," Toni sighs, flopping backwards on the bed. "I'll keep the two of you on separate sides of the room."

"Toni! Stop being so overprotective."

"I'll stop being overprotective of you when you stop being overprotective of Addy."

"I'm your wife. She's our _daughter_. Difference in over-protectiveness."

"Must I list all the things I've had to watch you go through in just the first two years of knowing you?" Cheryl sighs and shakes her head. "Good. Because I will _never_ stop being overprotective of you because I never want to watch you go through another bad thing again. _Ever_. Okay?"

"Okay. Try to ease up on Ronnie and Pea though, please?" Cheryl turns best she can and cuddles up against her. Toni wraps an arm around her, kissing her forehead.

"I’ll try. I love you." She rubs a hand over her wife's stomach. "And I love both of you."

"And me?" a small voice asks from the doorway. They both look up to see Addyson poking her head in. Toni smiles. "And you."

Addyson runs into the room, climbing onto the bed. She looks for a spot to lay and decides on just laying right on top of Toni. "Mommy's belly is in the way of laying between you two."

"You got a brother and sister in here, it's kind of hard to keep it out of the way," Cheryl laughs tiredly and strokes her daughter's cheek. "And I'm taking a nap now, because I'm really tired."

"You're _always_ tired, Mommy," Addyson complain, sitting up.

"She has two babies inside her, Ads. Growing babies is _a lot_ of work. She's working really, really hard to make sure your baby brother and sister grow big and strong in there. So that means she has to get lots of rest."

"Like when I spend all day in the center with Mommy and work really hard, and then I get really sleepy cause I used all my energy?"

"Exactly. She uses a lot of energy. She has the weight of two babies in her belly she has to carry around, and it makes her back hurt sometimes so laying down for a nap helps. Like when you carry something heavy for a long time and you complain it hurts your back, but she can't put her belly down so the only time she gets relief is when she's laying down. And when she eats food-you know food gives you energy, right? That’s why we tell you to eat to grow bit and strong-well it goes to the babies too, so that makes her tired. When she had you in her belly, she was tired a lot too, and you were just one baby."

"So double the tired?"

"Double the tired."

Addyson looks down. "She's sleeping already." She lays back down on Toni and reaches out, gently poking Cheryl's cheek. "Night night, Mommy."

"I gotta get to work, baby," Toni says, getting up and laying Addyson back down beside Cheryl. "Do you want to come with me or stay here with Mommy?"

"And Auntie Ellie?"

"No, Auntie Ellie isn't here. Auntie Betty is going to come over to help out with Nana Rose and Mommy today."

"I'll stay and help with Mommy," Addyson smiles. "I'm a big girl! I can do it."

"Yes you can, baby." Toni kisses her cheek and grabs her boots, leaving the room quietly. Addyson turns to face Cheryl, just staring silently. She hears the door shut, signaling Toni had left. She reaches a little hand out and puts it on her cheek. She just stayed like that until she heard the door open again and voices downstairs. Her brow furrows and she slides off the bed and tiptoes down the stairs. She smiles when she sees not just Betty, but Sweet Pea and Ronnie too. She runs over with a huge smile on her face, jumping on Sweet Pea.

"Oh God!" he startles and chuckles. "You usually scream to announce your presence."

"Mommy's sleeping and I don't wanna wake her. Mama said she's not allowed to see you guys."

"Did she now?" Sweet Pea asks, although he very well knew it. He had argued on the phone with Toni for _hours_ on multiple occasions, but the woman hadn't budged. So that's why they had waited until after she went to work to come, knowing it was risky. After all, Addyson was a _parrot_. But without her best friend keeping her spirits up, his wife’s health wasn’t as well as it should be, so he decided that keeping his wife-and by extension, his unborn son-happy and healthy was work the risk of Toni’s wrath. "You can't tell your Mama we came here, little goose."

"I can't lie to her."

"You won't be lying, you just won't be saying anything."

"That's lying by omission, Uncle Pea."

"I was really hoping you didn't know what that was," he sighs and kneels down to her level. "Your Mama's just mad, and if she stays mad then you won't be seeing us for a very long time. So we either hope she gets over being mad or we sneak here. Which is it?"

"I'll try not to say anything," she sighs, putting her arms up. He picks her up.

"I'm going to go check on her," Betty says, going up the stairs. Ronnie glances at them before slowly following Betty up the stairs. Betty tentatively goes into the bedroom and walks to the bed, sitting on the edge of it. She reaches a hand out and gently shakes her cousin's shoulder. Cheryl's eyelids flutter and she slowly opens her eyes. "Hey there."

"Betty?" she mumbles. "What are you doing here?"

"Keeping an eye of you, the munchkin and Nana while Toni's at work. And I brought a guest for you, but you can't tell Toni about it, okay?"

"Why?" the redhead groggily sits up and Betty rearranges the pillows behind her.

"Hi, Cher." Veronica's voice answers for Betty. She makes her way over to the bed, waving Betty off when she tries to assist.

"Ronnie," Cheryl chokes out, guilt flooding over her. After all, it was her fault the other girl had blown up that day. Ronnie sits on the bed beside her as Betty backs to the doorway to give them time together. "I'm so so-"

"No, don't," Ronnie says, pulling the redhead into a hug. Cheryl clings to her, burying her face in her friend's shoulder. "I'm the one who's sorry."

"You had to get it out, I was insensitive and you snapped. Anyone else would have, too."

"I shouldn't have yelled. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I'm sorry that it did. You shouldn't be afraid to yell around me, nobody should. I shouldn't still be so messed up about that. Nothing bad has happened since Addy was born, I don't know why I can't stop it from happening," she sobs.

"Healing takes time, Cher."

"Is he okay? Your baby? Is he okay?"

"He's okay, Cheryl. Getting out a lot of the shit I was holding inside helped me out, though I’m _so_ sorry it made things hard on you and the twins."

"But we're okay, the twins are okay. They're fighters, all three of them." Cheryl pulls back, wiping her cheeks. " _Oh_ , she woke up! Does Noah kick you yet?"

"Not yet, he moves but I haven't felt any kicks yet. How about yours?"

"With Addy, I didn't feel the first kick until I was over halfway through. But these two started weeks ago. Here," she moves Ronnie's hand to one side of her stomach, where she immediately felt a kick. Ronnie laughs. "That's Avery. She loves hearing people talk and moves around when she hears voices, and like Addy, when I get upset she kicks around. She’ll be little miss center of attention for sure. Over here," she moves her hand over to the other side, "is Jason. He doesn't kick often. He just likes to curl up. Right on my bladder." Ronnie laughs loudly, then gasps. "Ronnie?"

"He just..." she smiles brightly. "He kicked, he did his first kick! Pea!" Ronnie yells happily. Despite the happy tone, he still raced upstairs to the room.

"Ronnie?"

"The baby, he kicked! He kicked!" He smiles as she guides his hand over her stomach. He laughs when he feels a very soft yet still very much there kick.

"He's a strong little man," he says.

"The strongest," she agrees.

Addyson runs into the room and launches onto the bed, Betty following her in. "Having a party in here?" she laughs.

"The baby's kicking for the first time," Ronnie tells her friend excitedly

"Can I feel?" Betty asks tentatively and Ronnie ushers her over. She puts a hand on her stomach and feels the flutter of the kick. "Wow. That's...that's amazing."

Ronnie smiles sadly. "I'm so sorry, B."

"It's okay, V. We've decided to adopt. We did the paperwork, we just have to wait to get picked."

"Boy or girl?" Addyson pipes up.

"We don’t care, as long as it’s a healthy baby," Betty says.

"So. We'll eventually have a seventh joining the pack." Ronnie says, smiling.

"The pack?" Betty asks through her laughter. "You call the children a _pack?"_

"Cheryl calls them a horde of little demons sometimes," Ronnie tells her and Cheryl swats at her.

“Mommy!” Addyson gasps, but she can’t hide her giggle. "Hey! Wanna see something awesome?" she asks them once the laughter eventually dies down.

"Sure, kid. Show us."

She sits on Cheryl's lap and taps Cheryl's side. "Girl, kick!"

"That's not how that...works." Ronnie says, trailing off at Cheryl's _ow_. "That's just coincidence, goose."

"Has the stupid boy been kicking today?" Addyson raises an eyebrow, ignoring Cheryl's _hey!_ for calling the baby stupid.

"No, your Mommy says he doesn't kick much."

"Stupid, kick!"

"No, no-ow!" Cheryl gives Addyson a less than satisfied look, making the others burst out laughing again. “Can you not have him punch my bladder, Addy? And can you please stop making him think his name is stupid?"

"They like me," Addyson giggles, shrugging innocently.

" _Clearly_."

"And, Mommy, if you told me their names, I'd stop calling him _stupid_."

"If I told you their names, the entire _world_ would know their names by the end of the day."

**_ To think I might not see those eyes makes it so hard not to cry. And as we say our long goodbyes, I nearly did. Light up, light up as if you have a choice! Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you, dear! Louder, louder! And we'll run for our lives, I can hardly speak, I understand why you can't raise your voice to say._**

They had lost track of time, a short visit had turns into hours. The group had stayed in Cheryl's room, and Sweet Pea had even brought Nana in to join in with the conversations and laughter. He only left the room when he had brought lunch up. And before they knew it, it was nighttime, and they heard the door to the house open.

"Uh-oh," Betty says. "Someone's gonna get yelled at. And that someone is gonna be me."

They heard footsteps on the stairs, approaching and the door to the room opened. "What the _hell_ is going on in here?" was the first thing out of Toni's mouth.

"We're visiting. Because we want to. Because we _can_." Sweet Pea is the first one brave enough to speak. "You can't actually make us stay away from your wife. She's our _family_ , too, Toni. It's not fair to her, or to us, or to _Addy_."

Toni just stares at him. "So...you decided to just go behind my back about it instead of saying that up front?"

"I tried, _multiple_ times. You hung up on me everytime, remember?"

Toni sighs, running fingers through her hair. She sits on the end of the bed and Addyson crawls onto her lap. "Don't be mad, Mama. They made Mommy happy today and she stayed in bed and got rest. And we made sure she ate for her and the babies so she'd have energy." There was a collective chuckle at the child's words and Toni sighs, holding her tight.

"Take it easy, please. _Both_ of you," she says, looking at Cheryl and Ronnie. "I don't want either of you in the hospital until you're in for to term labor."

"Is that your blessing to let us be around each other again without having to sneak around?" Ronnie chuckles. "You know, I thought Cher was overprotective of Addy but you take the cake for most overprotective."

"I just want her safe. I want _all_ of us safe."

"And we are, TT. As safe as we can be. Shit happens, but all we can ask is we're there for each other when it does. We can't stop bad things from happening but we can help each other through it when it does happen." She reaches a hand out to her and she moves up to her, bringing a giggling Addyson with her. She sits beside her, Addyson back on her lap, an arm around Cheryl.

"Have you eaten dinner yet, babe?"

She shakes her head. "Sweets was just about to go get something."

"They both are craving Pops," he chuckles. "Care to come help me pick up the food, T?"

Toni kisses Cheryl's temple and transfers Addyson from her lap to Cheryl’s, getting up. "Yeah, let's go. I’ll be right back, my loves." She follows him down the stairs to his car. She gets in silently, looking out the window.

"Don't be mad at us, Tiny. _Especially_ not at Veronica."

"She was in the hospital for _ten days_ , Sweet Pea. They were discussing taking the babies out at only twenty-one weeks along, because they were worried if they didn't calm down they'd _kill_ her. And they almost _did_. All her stats were through the roof, she was panicking so much she couldn't breathe, it was a mess. Do you know how scared Addyson was? Polly had to pick her up from the hospital, but not before she saw a _tube_ being put down her mother's _throat_ to help her breathe easier because the oxygen mask wasn't doing shit. The twins settled, of course. And the doctor isn't too worried of anymore complications but says she needs to avoid as much stress as possible and take things easy. And yeah, I know that's what you have to go through daily, always scared and worried about Veronica losing your baby like she has in the past, and I can't compare this scare to all of yours. But at least through all your scares you didn’t have to worry about losing your wife, too. And you _cannot_ say I'm overreacting. Cheryl cannot take another hit. I watched her go through being emotionally and physically abused by her mother, I watched her through the aftermath of conversion therapy, I watched her go through the aftermath of being raped, I watched her cry for weeks because she found out she was pregnant, and watched her spend months hurting because she wanted the baby even when other people-myself included-told her to just get rid of her. So I will _not_ watch her lose these babies or go into labor this early or lose her own life, so if that means keeping her away from anything and anyone who triggers her, I will do that. I don't _want_ to. But if anything like what happened last week happens between them again, I _will_ keep them apart until the babies are born, no matter who, if anyone, was at fault. And I am sorry if that will cause harm to your wife, but my priority is _my_ wife."

"Understood," he says and starts the car and drives away from the house. They drove to Pop's in silence, Sweet Pea knowing better than to push his friend. He knew she was stressed, more so than him and even Cheryl were. Toni couldn't help worrying about her wife, wanting to shield her from the world. She was more laid back with _Addyson_ than she was with Cheryl. He was there for Cheryl through nearly as much as she had been, as was Veronica, but he didn't think pointing that out would help his case much. So he just stayed silent. They got the food and returned back to Thistle House, still in silence. Toni got out first, carrying the bags of food while Sweet Pea brought the trays of milkshakes up. Once in the safety of the bedroom, they handed everyone their orders. Sweet Pea passed out the milkshakes. Strawberry for Cheryl, Addy and Nana. Vanilla for Betty. Chocolate for himself, Toni and Veronica. Toni passed out the food before taking her spot beside Cheryl again, pulling Addyson back onto her lap.

"Everything okay?" Ronnie asks.

Sweet Pea looks at Toni and she from her spot holding her wife and daughter, she finally gave him a tentative smile. So he nodded. "We're all gonna be okay."

**_Light up, light up as if you had a choice! Even when you cannot hear my voice, know that I'm right beside you, dear. Louder, louder! And we'll run for our lives. I can barely speak, I understand why you can't raise your voice to say...light up, light up. _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to have this chapter be part of the missing ten days, but I figured that it would be too dark. If it is wanted, I can have it pop up as a nightmare sequence or flashback in a coming up chapter. Trying to keep this story more light than dark unlike "How Do You Feel?"


	8. You Are Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a filler chapter, setting up for bigger events in coming chapters. I have up to twelve written, and the story took quite a turn from what I originally planned. Shouldn't be surprising, cause that happened like five times during the span of "How Do You Feel?"  
> Also, next chapter, which will be posted on the weekend, will be the flashback chapter to the ten days.

**_For all those times you stood by me, for all the truth that you made me see, for all the joy you brought to my life, for all the wrong that you made right. For every dream you made come true, for all the love I found in you. I'll be forever thankful! You're the one who held me up, never let me fall. You're the one who saw me through it all! You were my strength when I was weak, you were my voice when I couldn't speak, you were my eyes when I couldn't see, you saw the best there was in me! Lifted me up when I couldn't reach, you gave me faith cause you believed! I'm everything I am because you loved me._ **

"Can't we cancel the plans?" Cheryl whined as Toni zipped up the last suitcase.Toni shakes her head with a chuckle.

"No, babe. We've been planning this for _weeks._ This is our last chance to go on vacation." 

"But-"

"No buts. You're six months pregnant with _twins_ , you get any more pregnant and you won't be able to enjoy a vacation. Dr. Stevens has cleared you, finally. She said she sees no reason you and the twins won’t be fine. Thanksgiving is just around the corner, then there's Christmas and New Year's, and right after that is your due date. It's now or never, and don't you dare say never." 

Cheryl sighs. "Can we bump the due date back?"  

"Whoa." Toni puts a hand to Cheryl's forehead. "You always ask if you can move it forward."

"I know. But then I remembered how much it _hurt_ and how _long_ it took giving birth to Addy, and then I remembered this time I'll be giving birth to _two_ babies. Double the pain, Toni.

"Cher, Dr. Stevens said births after the first can go much easier and smoother than the first since your body has already been through it and knows what to do this time around. And you're better prepared and she said that's plays a huge factor."

"She said _can_ , not _will_ ," she huffs.

"Babe," Toni sighs and Cheryl ducks her head and mumbles a _sorry_.

"I don't want to leave Addy, Toni. She's never spent more than a weekend away from us, and even then we were minutes away, not on the other side of the _country_."

"Cheryl, she'll be okay. Ronnie and Sweets will take great care of her. Polly will take her to school and bring her back. Ellie, Betty and Jughead, Fangs and Kevin are all close by if they need help. Addy is going to be _fine_ , I promise. Please don't worry, it's not good for the twins." Cheryl nods reluctantly and Toni kisses her. She grabs the suitcases. "Don't bring yours, you shouldn't be carrying anything too heavy." She rolls the suitcases out of the room, heading to the stairs. "Addyson, are you packed?" She calls over her shoulder.

"No!" She hears the yell. "I want Mommy to help me!"

She sighs when she sees Cheryl leave their room and head to their daughter's. She proceeds to lug the suitcases down the stairs. If Toni had her way, Addyson would be staying with Polly, or with Betty and Jughead, or even home with Ellie and Nana, but Cheryl had been adamant if she was leaving her child for a week, it would _only_ be with Veronica and Sweet Pea. Toni was on speaking terms with them again, and they saw the other couple often in the weeks that followed that fateful night, but Toni just felt off with them. She didn’t hate them or anything, she just wasn’t sure how to get things back to how they were. Sweet Pea had been her best friend since they were babies, but she had a wife and children now. _They_ were her priority, and sometimes she felt like she was turning her back on her Serpent friend, and she felt so guilty for it, but she could never, _would_ never, put any friendship over her wife and children. And as of late, it had been hard on her. But every time she felt like she was being a bad friend, she reminds herself of how _his_ wife was the one who hurt _hers_ , and how he had gone to her wife and daughter behind her back, and it made her angry all over again. But it makes her feel less guilty for icing them out and the awkwardness that ensued from her part. Cheryl, on the other hand, she had jumped right back into friendship with the two like nothing had ever happened. Cheryl, who spent her life emotionally starved, so _of course_ she took whatever love she could get. Toni wished she could be more like her-the so eagerly forgiving part.

..........................

Cheryl enters her daughter's room and sits on the edge of the bed, a hand on her already aching back. "What do you need help with, baby?"

"Nothing. I packed it all. Just need my blanket and pillows." She climbs onto the bed, throwing herself at Cheryl, arms locking around her neck. She starts to cry. "I don't want you to go!"

"I know, baby. But it'll be alright."

"What if you or the babies die when you're gone? What if they have to do that scary tube thing to you again? I don't want to lose you," she sobs.

"Oh, Addy." Cheryl held her close, rubbing her back. She had no idea her child was still struggling with the fear. After the initial scare and several days of tears, the child had gone right back to herself once Cheryl was home. But after suffering many traumas in her life, she should have known that her daughter wouldn't be over a scare like that so easily. Cheryl knew all too well what shoving fears down and having them resurface was like, and Addyson _was_ her daughter.

"I will be fine, Addy. The babies will be fine. Everything will be fine, baby. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep!" the child yells loudly, letting her go and hitting her shoulder. Cheryl grabs her little wrist so she can't hit her again. A moment later, Toni enters the room after hearing the yell.

"What's wrong?" she walks over to the pair. Her eyes flit between her upset wife and daughter, to the hand gently yet firmly holding the child's wrist, and decided that Addyson was the one most likely to talk to her. "Addyson, what's going on?"

"Why can't I go with you? I don't want you to leave!" She slaps Cheryl's hand, prying her wrist free.

Toni grabs her, swinging her to face her. "Do _not_ hit her! You don't hit _anyone!_ You know better than that, Addyson Roseanne."

"Then don't leave me!" she screams at the top of her lungs. "Mommy could die all the way over there and I'll be all the way here. You can't go, you can't take her away from me!"

"Hey, hey! Nothing is going to happen to her or your siblings, I promise. And I have never broken a promise and I damn well won't start now. You're a big girl, aren't you?" Addyson sniffles and nods, wiping furiously at her cheeks. "Good. I have a mission for you. You're staying here cause Uncle Pea needs help taking care of Auntie Ronnie. She hasn't been feeling so well. You took _such_ good care of Mommy these past few weeks so they need your help with Auntie Ronnie while Uncle Pea goes to work. It's going to be a really big job and lots of work, do you think you can do it?" She nods, trying to stop her tears. "Good. So you take care of Auntie Ronnie, and I'll make sure to _extra_ good care of Mommy, okay? And we will call you every night, we can even video chat, and you can tell us how Auntie Ronnie is doing and we'll tell you how we are. And you can still talk to the babies through video chat. Mommy will try to keep the babies from kicking too much so you don't miss it."

"'Kay," she finally says, reaching back to Cheryl. Cheryl takes her, standing up so Toni can strip the bed of Addyson's blanket and pillows. Toni brings them down while Cheryl takes her time walking down the steps. She can't see her feet anymore, so she is careful not to miss a step and fall, especially while carrying her child. Addyson doesn't mind-she'll take every second she can get in her mother's arms. She tightens her grip when they reach the car.

Toni tries to take her from Cheryl, to save her wife from needing to bend down to put the child in the car. "Addyson, let go." She has to pry her arms from around Cheryl's neck, sighing in annoyance. "Addyson, I mean it!"

"Toni, give her a minute," Cheryl says softly, rubbing the child's back.

"We don't have time, babe. We have four hours to get her to Sweets', make sure she's settled, drive to the airport-which is an hour drive in itself, and get situated at the airport for the flight. We have to go _now_. Let go, baby, please." She pulls Addyson gently and the child finally lets Cheryl pass her over to Toni. Toni straps her into the booster seat; while she's doing that, Cheryl gets into the passenger seat. Toni get into the car and they drive the ten minute drive to Ronnie and Sweet Pea's, Cheryl playing the kids’ songs CD in the car to try to put Addyson in a better mood.

Toni pulls into their driveway and gets out to get Addyson. "I want Mommy to bring me in," she pouts, kicking her legs aimlessly. Toni helps her out of the car and kneels in front of her.

"Will you let her go when it's time for us to leave?"

Addyson nods and Toni lets her grab onto Cheryl's leg. Toni picks her up, handing her off to Cheryl and helps lead her up the steps to the house. She opens the door, walking in. "Pea!"

Sweet Pea appeared, going right to them. He hugs Toni, albeit awkwardly, then hugs Cheryl. "I'll get Addy's stuff."

"I'll help," Toni follows him out. Cheryl wanders to the living room where she finds Ronnie curled up in front of the TV. Ronnie sees them and smiles brightly.

"Cher! Addy!"

"Mama said I'm here to take care of you," Addyson says. Cheryl carefully sits with Addy on her lap.

"Yeah, I really need the company and assistance," Ronnie says immediately, playing along. "You up for the job?"

Addyson nods. "Mommy pays me for my regular job."

Ronnie looks at Cheryl with a raised eyebrow. Cheryl just laughs. " _Allowance_. She helps me with some set up at the center and picks up after herself at home so she gets allowance."

"How much does she pay you, kid?"

"I get ten dollars a week if I work _really_ hard."

"She hangs around all day, and helps out, so she gets some spending money. Mostly on ice cream and little toys," Cheryl says. "Six years old and she knows how to earn what she wants, she’s going somewhere. And hey, Addy, once you turn sixteen, you can get a real part-time job. Now that's like twelve an _hour_ , at least."

"How much does people who work real jobs at the center get?" Addyson asks.

"Seventeen dollars an hour. Manager gets paid more." 

"I thought you were manager and owner?" Ronnie asks, confused.

"I officially took maternity leave from it. Obviously it's practically in my backyard so I'll still check in, but one of my employees gets the job of substitute manager until April."

"I didn't think you'd _ever_ take it," Ronnie chuckles. "Guess you had to, you can't see your feet anymore."

"I got two kids in here, blame them," Cheryl laughs, rubbing her stomach with the hand not holding onto Addyson.

"Who are we blaming?" Toni asks as her and Sweet Pea enter the room. He puts Addyson's suitcase inside a room. Toni passes him her blanket and pillows to do the same.

"The twins, they make it so I can't see my feet anymore."

Toni smiles. "You can't blame them, they're our perfect little ones in there."

"Perfect little ones, huh?"

"They _are_ our kids, so they'll obviously be perfect," Toni jokes, earning a laugh from everyone but Addyson, who looks down.

"I'm your kid, too," she says softly. _Tell me I'm yours, tell me I'm perfect_ the child thinks.

"Yes, you are. And it's time to say goodbye, we gotta get going." She kneels in front of them, tucking a stray curl behind Addyson's ear. "I see that look, missy. You're our daughter, and you are the most perfect thing in this entire world. Even when you roll your eyes and act all dramatic just like your Mommy."

Addyson giggles and wraps her arms around Toni's neck, hugging her tightly. Toni turns her head, whispering into the child's ear. "You may not have my blood but you are just as much mine as your siblings are. Family isn't always blood, it's who you choose. _Never_ forget that, baby."

"I won't," Addyson whispers, tightening her grip. "I love you, Mama." She lets go and grabs a hold of Cheryl one last time. "I love you, Mommy."

"I love you, too, baby."

Toni helps Cheryl stand and the two hug Sweet Pea and Ronnie. The trio follow them out. Addyson stands on the porch, watching until the red car fades out of sight, chocolate brown eyes glistening with tears.

**_You gave me wings and made me fly. You touched my hand, I could touch the sky. I lost my faith, you gave it back to me, you said no star was out of reach! You stood by me and I stood tall. I had your love, I had it all! I'm grateful for each day you gave me. Maybe I don't know that much, but I know this much is true: I was blessed because I was loved by you._ **


	9. I'm Not Giving Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the flashback chapter. For those who do not want to read it [it is as detailed as any other chapter is], then you can skip down to get the second half which is present time. About three-quarters the way down. The flashback is all in italic, so it should be fairly easy to get past it. Or just go to the second song part in bold. The present day part is like 90 percent fluff.

**_ I will fight, I will fight for you. I always do until my heart is black and blue. And I stay, I will stay with you. We'll make it to the other side like lovers do! I reach my hands out in the dark and wait for yours to interlock, I'll wait for you. Cause I'm not giving up, I'm not giving up, no not yet! Even when I'm down to my last breath! Even when they say there's nothing left! So don't give up. I'm not giving up, no not me! Even when nobody else believes! I'm not going down that easily! So don't give up on me. _ **

**_ FOUR WEEKS AGO _ **

_ Cheryl entered Thistle House, slamming the door with a ragged breath. Addyson runs full speed over to her, excited. Her mother wasn't due home for hours, and the child was happy to have her early. "Mommy, Mommy!" _

_Cheryl puts a hand out, halting her approach. "Addyson, go get Mama, _please _."_

_ A million questions are at the tip of the child's tongue, but even at her young age she could sense the urgency so she turned on her heel, running up the stairs. "Mama!" She burst into her mother's room, startling Toni.  _

_ "Addyson!" _

_ "Mommy's home," she pants. _

_ "Already?" _

_ "I think she's hurt." _

_ That was all the Serpent needed to hear. She got up from her chair and ran out of the room, down the stairs, over to Cheryl. The redhead had sunk to the floor, a hand gripping the side of her stomach, head tilted back against the wall, eyes shut tightly as waves of pain rolled through her. "Cheryl!" She puts hands on either side of her wife's face. "Babe, can you open your eyes for me? Please?" _

_Eyelids flicker open, and Cheryl looks at Toni with a distressed look. "It _hurts _," is all she croaks out._

_ "Cher, baby, what happened?" She strokes her hair back, a palm still against her sticky cheek. _

_"Had a...f-fight with Ronnie. Everything _hurts _, Toni. So bad. Please, make it _**stop** _," she begs._

_ "Addyson!" Toni shouts, pulling her wife to her feet, supporting most of her weight. "Addy!" _

_ The child races over to them, looking slightly terrified. "Ads, get the door. Open, baby." Addyson opens the door and Toni helps Cheryl through it. Addyson shuts it, following at their heels. "Get in the car, Addy." Toni helps Cheryl into the passenger seat as Addyson climbs into the back, fumbling with her seat-belt. Toni jumps into the drivers seat, starting the car anxiously. She speeds away from Thistle House after making sure Addyson is strapped in. She drives towards the hospital, it taking everything in her not to floor the car. But everything in her broke when Cheryl lets out the first cry of pain, and her foot slams on the pedal. "Hold on, babe. Just hold on. We're almost there." _

_The car screeches to a halt minutes later in front of the hospital. By this point, Cheryl is struggling to breathe, the pain and anxiety weighting down on her like a thousand weights. She doesn't hear Toni's terrified, frantic voice. She doesn't feel cool hands on her face. She doesn't hear the sobs coming from the little body in the back. She doesn't hear Toni tell their child to be strong, to watch over her while she gets a doctor. _

_The sky was blue. That's all she saw as her body was taken from the car and laid on a gurney. The blue sky, fading in and out of focus. _"Mommy!" _ She hears the scream, but it's muffled, like is was the day she floated beneath the ice of Sweetwater River. _

_The faded blue sky turns into the circular lights of the hospital ceiling, everything moving super speed and in slow motion at once as the gurney is rushed down a hall. Beeping, voices, a distant scream. She struggles against the hold on her, something sharp piercing the skin of the crook of her elbow. Something cold flows into her veins. Her vision is covered, just for a moment, before a mask is pressed over her face. She tries to pull it off. She wants to scream. _Toni! Where is Toni? _ Brown eyes dart around, but all she can see is the damn ceiling. The mask puffs air into her screaming lungs, but it's not enough. She's drowning, she's back under the water, everything cold and suffocating and darkening. Sweetwater was peaceful, numb, she was just floating into the abyss. This, this was _torture. _She was scared, she was trying to breathe-why couldn't she _breathe?! _ And she was on fire. It was as if someone had lit a match on her stomach, as if a red hot blade was stabbing into her and cutting her open. She tried to scream. She tried. But she couldn't bring in enough air to. She was frozen, screaming but no one could hear._

_..................................... _

_ "Mommy!" _

_"Ma'am, you can't be in here with a child," a doctor tells her. They're surrounding her wife. Her monitors are beeping insistently, and not in a good way. She tries to pick the thrashing child up. She called Polly, Polly was on her way. She just needed to get Addyson to her, and she could be back with her wife._

_"No, _stop _ it!" she hears her daughter scream. "You're _hurting _her!" Her eyes flit up to see what had her child screaming. The mask is pulled off of her wife's face, a metal tool being skillfully shoved in her mouth to open it as another doctor starts feeding a tube down her throat. She puts a hand on Addyson's head, shoving her face into her shoulder so she can't see anymore. She leaves, heading to the waiting room with the terrified child. "No, no. Mama, no! Don't leave her, they're hurting her! You have to help her!" _

_ "Shh. They aren't hurting her baby, that tube will help her breathe. They're saving her." _

_ Polly runs into the room at that moment and moves swiftly to the pair. "What happened?" _

_ "I don't know, something's wrong with Cheryl. I need you to take Addy for a while, please." _

_Polly nods, pulling Addyson away from Toni. She kicks and hits, screaming hysterically. "Mommy! Mommy, _Mommy! _ Mama, don't let me go! Mama, don't _leave _me!" Toni stands as Polly walks away. She stands frozen, as Addyson's screams fade and fade until she can't hear them anymore._

_ She's brought out of her numbed state by her phone vibrating.  _

**_ Eliana Cadenza: Hey. Apparently C and V got into a fight or something. C left upset. V wanted to know if she made it home in one piece. _ **

In one piece, _ Toni thought bitterly. She shakes her head, hot tears finally making their way down her cheeks. _

**_ Toni Topaz: She's home. _ **

_ It was a lie. But she wasn't telling them Cheryl was in the hospital. She didn't want to see any of their faces at the moment. She couldn't guarantee she wouldn't punch any of them in the face. Cheryl went to keep an eye on Ronnie for one afternoon, and now she's in the hospital and they have a traumatized six year old.  _

**_ Eliana Cadenza: Is she okay? _ **

**_ Toni Topaz: You'll know when I know. _ **

**_ Eliana Cadenza: T? What's going on? _ **

_She decides to ignore her, pocketing her phone and making her way to where Cheryl is. Because Cheryl, her beautiful, amazing Cheryl, was one of the two people in the world that meant more to Toni than life itself. She finds the room easily, the frantic doctors were gone and it was just Cheryl. She was pale, too pale for Toni's liking. She was attached to a ventilator, the machine breathing for her. She puts a shaking hand on her forehead. _

_ "Please be okay." _

_............................................. _

_ "You want to take the babies out?"  _

_ "If your wife's condition worsens anymore, we risk losing both her and the babies." _

_Toni had been hurt in so many ways in her life. She'd been beaten-concussions, broken ribs, broken bones, loss of blood and covered in bruises. She was in a gang, and all that came with the territory. But none of it could compare to the gut wrenching pain the news caused her. The fear, the absolute, heart-breaking fear of not only losing the twins, but losing _Cheryl _ too. The terror or losing her wife was the worst. She loved those babies so much, but they could always try again if they lost them. But _Cheryl? _ She could never replace Cheryl-she couldn't bare to lose the love of her life, and Addyson could not lose her mother. _

_"Okay," Toni nods. She takes the clipboard from the doctor, signing it shakily. "Only if you have to. If...if you can only save Cheryl or the babies...make sure you save her. We have a daughter who can't lose her mother, and I cannot raise three children on my own. So please, do everything you can to keep her alive."_

_ "We'll do our best, Mrs. Topaz." _

_ "Blossom-Topaz," she says quietly. _

_ "My apologies, Mrs. Blossom-Topaz." _

_.............................................. _

_Two days. That's how long she had been sitting in that hospital room with Cheryl. Her wife had yet to wake up, and she was yet to breathe on her own. It scared the hell out of Toni. She sat there, holding onto her cold hand tightly, trying-and failing-to keep the tears at bay. She was being monitored carefully, and Dr. Stevens or a fellow Peds doctor kept constant watch on the monitor for the babies. Toni kept comfort in that monitor, being able to sit there, holding onto her wife and be able to watch the babies on the monitor. The night Cheryl was admitted, she had given Sweet Pea the bare minimum in a quick call. He had been calling nonstop, and she had ignored every call. She couldn't talk to him, or look at him. It may have been selfish of her, but she blamed Veronica for her Cheryl's condition. She didn't know what went down-she wasn't going to call Veronica and Cheryl wasn't conscious to tell her. All she knew was that Cheryl went to her friends, and then ended up in the hospital barely clinging to life. _

_Polly called a few times. She answered her every call. She wanted updates of her cousin, and Toni needed updates on her daughter. Polly told her Addyson constantly switched from screaming to crying to becoming lifeless. She needed Toni, she needed comfort Polly nor her twins could provide. But Toni couldn't leave Cheryl's side, and she didn't want Addy to see her mother like this. "Your daughter needs you, Toni. I know you want to be by Cheryl's side, but you need to be by your daughter's side, too."_

_ That's how she found herself at Thistle House for an afternoon, Polly staying by her cousin's side for a few hours, promising to call with any update, no matter how big or small. _

_ "I want Mommy," Addyson cried as she clung to Toni as if her life depended on it.  _

_ "Mommy's asleep, baby. And she still has the tube, you don't want to see her like that." _

_"I do! I won't scream, I promise. Just let me see my Mommy," she sobs into Toni's neck, tightening her grip. "Please, Mama. Please! Please, please, please. I just wanna see her, I just wanna see my Mommy."_

_ "Okay, baby. Okay. But you need to calm down for me, alright? You need to be brave if you want to see her." _

_ "I'll be the bravest," Addyson promises, using her sleeve to wipe the tears and runny nose.  _

_ Toni carries her to the SUV and straps her into the booster. She drives to the hospital, occasionally watching Addyson through the rear view mirror. They arrive at the hospital, finding a parking space. She carries her in, bringing her to Cheryl's room. She pauses outside the door. "Okay, baby. There are lots of machines in there, and a tube breathing for Mommy. It's scary, but it's all helping her, not hurting. Okay?" _

_ "Kay," she nods. Toni opens the door and enters. Polly stands when she sees them.  _

_ "I thought you wanted to keep her away from here?" _

_ "She wouldn't calm down, she needed to see her for herself. I was wrong to keep her away." Polly gives her a soft smile. She hugs her cautiously. _

_ "I'll be in the waiting room until you're ready for me to take her back." _

_"Thank you, Polly. So much."_

_ Addyson squirmed and Toni put her down. She walked over to Cheryl cautiously, reaching a hand and touching her hand. "Mommy? Wake up, Mommy. We need you." _

_............................................... _

_Three more days went by. Polly brought Addyson to the hospital every afternoon, and the child sat beside the hospital bed chatting away. Toni wasn't sure if Cheryl could hear their daughter, but she hoped she could. She hoped she wasn't trapped inside her head, or reliving a nightmare she couldn't wake from. She hoped the child gave her peace. She hoped that _she _ gave her peace, sitting there by her side, never leaving. She left once, and that was to go home to shower and get changed out of clothes she wore for days, and Polly and Addyson stayed by her side then. Cheryl had someone with her every second of every day. She wasn't alone, and Toni hoped she _knew _ that. Even when she slept, she had her hand in Cheryl's and her head resting against her shoulder. She promised Cheryl she'd never be alone again, and she had every intention of keeping that promise._

_ She had fallen asleep in the chair, exhausted. She tried to stay up all the time, not wanting to be asleep when her wife woke up. She woke up to what sounded like choking and Addyson's loud voice. _

_ "Mommy! Mommy, don't. That's helping you breathe, it's a good thing. It's scary, but it's good!" _

_ Toni sat up so fast she nearly tipped the chair right over. Her eyes zeroed in to her daughter, who had climbed onto the bed, trying to calm her mother. Then it hit her like a ton of bricks. Cheryl was  _ awake _.  _

_ "Cheryl! Babe, it's okay, it's okay." She moved swiftly to her side, grabbing the hand that was clawing at the tube coming out of her throat. "Cher, baby. Look at me." Wide, terrified eyes met her. Toni stroked her cheek gently. "You're in the hospital. You were having trouble breathing, so they put this tube to help you. You've been asleep for a couple days, but you're okay. The babies are okay, too. You're all okay." _

_ Cheryl whimpers, trying to pull her hand from Toni to grab at the tube again. "Addy, can you press that button?" She gestures to the nurse call button. Addyson gladly presses it before curling up against Cheryl's side. "Just hang on, Cher." _

_ Moments later, a nurse came in, and she checked Cheryl's chart and looked at the monitors. She paged the doctor. Toni stayed at Cheryl's side, one hand holding hers, rubbing soothing circle on Cheryl's hand with her thumb, and combing fingers through Cheryl's hair with her other hand. She was doing her best to keep her wife calm until the doctor arrived. And it was working. Before too long, the doctor came in.  _

_ "Let's see if you can breathe on your own, shall we?"  _

_ Cheryl coughed and gagged as he carefully removed the tube from her throat. Her hand immediately went up to grab her throat, Toni's hand ready to pull it away if need be. Cheryl gulped air in for a moment, before settling. She was breathing on her own. Toni, and the doctor, sagged in relief.  _

_ "T..." _

_ "Shh. Don't try to speak, baby. I'm right here. You're okay. We're okay." _

_ They kept her for four more days for close monitoring. She only improved, slowly but surely. Addyson stayed for the afternoon after she got out of school until Polly picked her back up for dinner. Juniper had stayed with her one of those days. Toni finally felt like she was able to breathe again, for the most part.  _

_ Sweet Pea had been persistent. Toni had been dodging his calls for days, and he eventually gave up on her answering and started calling from other people's phones. He called on Ellie's, and she had answered, and eventually hung up after he pleaded with her to let Ronnie see, or at least talk on the phone with Cheryl. Then he called from Jughead's, and she had answered. And after she hung up on him again, he called from Fangs'. He was always persistent, it was something that Toni always loved about him when it came to the gang-he never gave up, and it always helped them. But at that moment, she hated him for it.  _

_ On the eleventh day, Toni and Addyson finally brought Cheryl back home. _

**_I will hold onto you, no matter what this world will throw, it won't shake me loose. I'll reach my hands out in the dark and wait for yours to interlock, I'll wait for you. Cause I'm not giving up, I'm not giving up, no not yet! Even when I'm down to my last _ _breath! Even when they say there's nothing left! So don't give up. I'm not giving up, no not me! Even when nobody else believes! I'm not going down that easily! So don't give up on me._ **

** PRESENT DAY **

Toni was the first one awake of the two, which would usually be concerning if Cheryl wasn't pregnant. But she was, and she tended to sleep in when she was. Trying to find a comfortable position often gave her restless nights so Toni let her sleep in as late as possible on nights she actually slept soundly. At this particular moment, she was propped up on one elbow beside the sleeping redhead, staring down at her with a soft smile. She loved watching Cheryl sleep-some might find it odd, or even creepy, but Cheryl found it endearing. She loved waking up to Toni watching over her like a guardian angel, looking softer than ever. This was their first day of their week long vacation in California.

Cheryl's eyelids flutter as she begins to come to. Toni gently strokes her cheek, her heart warming at the smile forming on her sleepy wife's lips. Her eyes open, meeting Toni's.

"Good morning, my love." Toni presses the softest of kisses to Cheryl's lips.

"Morning breath," Cheryl whispers and Toni chuckles, gently pulling her upright. She kisses her again.

"Are you hungry?" Cheryl nods, stretching. "How's your back, love?"

"Sore, but no too bad." She swings her legs over the side of the bed, letting Toni help her up. "I can't wait until I can see my feet again. Just three months left."

"How about you take a nice hot shower while I call food service?" Toni offers, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"How about we both take a nice, hot shower and then you can call up food service?" Cheryl asks tentatively, as if she'd say no. Toni's brow furrows a little and she leads her to the bathroom. Toni turns the water on and tries to help Cheryl remove her clothes, but the redhead hesitates.

"Babe? What's wrong?"

Cheryl shrugs, avoiding her eyes. But she lowers her hand that stopped her, signaling her wife to continue taking her clothes off. She keeps an eye of Cheryl, trying to figure out why the sudden hesitancy. "I don't look the same," she finally whispers. Toni's eyes widen.

"Cher, baby. Of _course_ you don't, you're pregnant with our children. Which is a beautiful thing." She kisses her forehead, her nose, her lips. She kisses her shoulder, her hands on her stomach. "You are still my beautiful wife, and nothing changes that. _Especially_ not the fact you are pregnant. So what if you may have stretch marks? That's just a sign of the fact you carried three beautiful babies inside you, it's a mark saying that you gave us our _family_." She kisses her softly, and Cheryl leans into the kiss with a content sigh. "If I have to tell you that every day for the rest of our lives, I will."

Toni removes her own clothes and leads Cheryl into the shower. "Watch your step, love. Don't want you slipping." Cheryl rests her head on Toni's shoulder as the hot water cascades down her back, sighing as Toni's hand runs up and down it. Toni gets to work on Cheryl's hair, nails scratching her scalp as she lathers her hair with her shampoo and repeats the process with her conditioner. While she lets it sit, she washes her own hair. Once the two are finished with the shower, Toni grabs them their towels and robes. Toni picks out outfits for the two, Cheryl commenting she didn't care what she chose for her. Toni ended up with Black shorts and a purple tank top and Cheryl with a red sundress. It was no surprise that Cheryl kept style, even with maternity clothes. The red button up sundress had one inch sleeves and was loose fitting around her ever growing baby bump. Toni put the clothes on the bed, changing into hers but telling Cheryl to hold off on changing. Toni called food service, ordering for the two of them, and sits back on the bed.

"Lay down, love." Cheryl glances at her curiously but listens, laying down. Toni pulls her wife's robe down, exposing her tense back. Her hands got to work, massaging her back to relieve her best she could. She knew it was working from Cheryl's hums of contentment. She worked on Cheryl's back, humming a tune with a smile on her lips, for the entire half hour until their food arrived up. Toni pulled her robe back up when she heard the knock on the door. "I'll continue with that massage after we eat, babe."

Toni gets up and gets the food, bringing it in. Cheryl sits up, stomach growing at the smell of food. "I'm not sure who's hungrier, me or the twins."

Toni laughs. "Probably the twins, they're _always_ hungry."

"Probably," Cheryl chuckles. She props up the pillows to lean against as Toni hands her her food. Toni settles beside her, placing their drinks on the bedside table. "Thank you, TT. For _everything_."

_** I'm not giving up, I'm not giving up, no not yet! Even when I'm down to my last breath! Even when they say there's nothing left! So don't give up. I'm not giving up, no not me! Even when nobody else believes! I'm not going down that easily! So don't give up on me. I will fight, I will fight for you. I always do until my heart is black and blue. ** _


	10. Boardwalking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter! 2 chapters in 2 days, we're on a roll. Here's a chapter that's mostly just cute Choni. 
> 
> TW: Cliff hanger that I'm pretty sure is like 200% abuse/neglect and definitely illegal [involving a child]

**_Hands, put your empty hands in mine. And scars, show me all the scars you hide. And hey, if your wings are broken, please take mine so yours can open, too. Cause I'm gonna stand by you. Tears make _ _kaleidoscopes in your eyes. And hurt, I know you're hurting, but so am I. And love, if your wings are broke, borrow mine so yours can open, too. Cause I'm gonna stand by you! Even if we're breaking down, we can find a way to break through. Even if we can't find heaven, I'd walk through hell with you! Love, you're not alone. Cause I'm gonna stand by you._ **

The cool ocean water splashed against bare ankles as Cheryl and Toni walked along the shoreline of the beach, hand in hand. It was day three of their vacation, and the two had been soaking up the sun and just enjoying their relaxation. The first day, after a long back massage and breakfast in bed, the couple had done some sight seeing-although they had mostly stayed in the rented vehicle. The second day, they had opted to just stay in most of the day. But today, the redhead was finally up to being up and about. The ocean was just a short walk from the beach side hotel, and the two had been walking down the shoreline to the boardwalk. Cheryl had wanted to feel the cool salt water on her swollen ankles, so Toni held their shoes in the hand not holding onto Cheryl's.

"I swear, next person to ask me when I'm due will get punched in the face."

Toni laughs, rubbing her hand with her thumb. "They're just curious, babe. They all think you're ready to pop."

"I don't know how many times I've had to say I'm only almost seven months along with _twins_ in just, like, two hours. It's nobody's business, anyways. What's with people? This is worse than when Addy was a baby and every single person we passed on walks stopped to stare at her and ask how old she was. This time I'm asked how far along I am _and_ if I have any other kids, and then I get the _'you're too young to have a six year old'_ looks _and_ comments. Yeah, just shy of eighteen is young to have a baby, but it's not like I _wanted_ to have a baby in high school. Oh, and don't forget the looks we get when from the homophones when I say that _we_ have a six year old. I can't believe some people just can't accept that two women can be in love and have a family together."

"Just ignore them, babe. We love each other, we've been married for six years, we have a six year old daughter and in a few months we'll have another daughter and a son. That is all that matters. Ignore what some strangers say or the looks they give. _They_ don't matter. You, me, Addy, Avery and Jason are _all_ that matters."

Cheryl nods, smiling. "It's almost complete-our family."

_"Almost_ complete?"

"We said four kids, didn't we? Obviously we are _so_ waiting until the twins are at least three. By that time, Addy will be ten and will be more than capable of helping with the twins for baby number four. And I know I said that I was done, but if you truly don't want to be pregnant, I'd do it again for us."

Toni stops walking, turning Cheryl to face her.

"TT?"

"You truly are sensational, Cheryl Bombshell." She pulls Cheryl in for a deep, passionate kiss. "I love you, so much."

"We also need a dog," Cheryl says once they pull apart, earning a laugh from Toni.

..................................................

Cheryl leaned against the wall, smiling as she watched Toni playing the arcade game, a determined look on her face. Toni had lit up like a child on Christmas when they reached the arcade, and it took no convincing to get Cheryl to agree to take a detour. Cheryl loved seeing Toni happy, and if that meant playing a game of ski-ball or watching her play Mario Kart in a salty ocean smelling arcade, then she would happily do so.

"Hey, babe. Why don't you have a turn?" Toni asks, looking at her wife.

"I don't know, TT..."

"Come on, it'll be fun." She reaches a hand out and Cheryl sighs dramatically, taking it. "Here, sit." Cheryl sits in the seat, Toni standing beside her. She puts her hands on the wheel. "So, you're objective is to race against-"

"Toni, I _know_ how to play Mario Kart. Sweets was obsessed with it for, like, forever."

"Right," Toni laughs. "You need to kick that ones," she taps the screen, "ass."

"Wait-so you can't beat them, so you wrangled me in here to try to defeat them for you?"

"Yes."

Cheryl laughs and shakes her head, hitting the start button. Toni leans against the chair, watching as Cheryl skillfully turned the wheel, avoiding every obstacle. Cheryl wasn't one for video games, but she was the only one to ever beat Sweet Pea, who prior to convincing Cheryl to play was an undefeated champion. So she held high hopes for her wife. And of course, as per usual, Cheryl lived up to the expectations when she did indeed kick the computer foe's ass. Toni watched in awe, nodding happily. "I should've had you play for me from the beginning, Cher."

"I hate video games," the redhead says and Toni chuckles.

"I know. You're still a champion at them, though."

Cheryl chuckles and hands Toni the tickets from winning that comes out of the machine.

"A few more games?" Toni asks Cheryl.

"Of course, my love." Cheryl follows her, grabbing her hand. Toni slows her pace so she can stay by her wife's side.

"Does your back hurt, babe?"

"Just a little," the redhead admits.

"Okay, we have plenty of time to come back here another day. We can go get you your ice cream and head back to the hotel."

"No, TT. I'm fine, _honestly_. My back's going to hurt every other day, don't let it ruin your fun. I don't mind staying for a few more games."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. If it starts to ache more or anything else hurts, I'll tell you. I promise."

"Okay," Toni says reluctantly, leading Cheryl over to the PAC-man game. "But sit, I can do the game from the side."

Cheryl rolls her eyes halfheartedly, sitting in the chair ad Toni stands at an angle in front of the screen. Toni and Cheryl take turns playing the game, both laughing and thoroughly enjoying themselves, backache forgotten. The two spent a good amount of time challenging each other, trying to beat each other's high score. After several games, Toni calls it time to go and they cash in the tickets, earning a big stuffed tiger to bring home for Addyson.

"Okay, ice cream time," Toni says, the tiger under her arm as they leave the arcade hand in hand.

"Avery likes the sound of that," Cheryl laughs, rubbing her side. "She's just as bad, if not worse, than Addy was at kicking, I swear."

"Well, she _is_ a Blossom-Topaz. She's gotta be a tough little one, and she has the toughest, bravest big sister as an example."

"And little Jason will probably be the protective brother. Quiet, but fiercely loyal to his twin."

"And Addy will be so bossy with them. And when they get older they'll tag team against her, because she may be bigger and stronger but there will be two of them."

"We better be ready for lots of _he-said-she-said_ moments. _Especially_ from the girls."

"Hey, you're the one who wanted a house full of girls," Toni laughs, kissing her cheek. She leads her into the ice cream shop.

Toni steps up to the counter, thankful for there being no line. She orders a bowl of black cherry ice cream and a bowl of moose tracks. She pays and the two move to the side as they wait for their treat. They only waited a minute before she was handed the ice cream. She grabs two spoons-a red and a pink-and hands Cheryl her bowl.

"There's some seats right outside, TT. Can we sit out there?"

"Of course." The two found a small table outside the shop and sit, eating the cold treat. "Is it good?"

Cheryl nods. "Very." She offers a spoonful to Toni. Toni hums and nods, offering Cheryl a bite of her chocolate treat. "That's good, too."

"We'll have to _Skype_ Addy when we get back," Toni says, taking a bite. "Hopefully she'll tell us that her art project got a good grade. She was so worried about it last night."

"I've always been there to help her," Cheryl sighs.

"You did a great job helping her on video chat, babe. It looked amazing."

Cheryl nods. "I guess it did."

"It _did_ , Cher."

...........................................

"I want one like _that_ ," Toni says, pointing at a German Shepard puppy that was being walked their way. Cheryl shakes her head.

"Toni, those things get _ huge_."

"Compared to a Saint Bernard or Great Dane, Shepards are tiny. They make great protective family dogs, babe. And they aren't as boring as a Golden Retriever."

"Why can't we get a little dog?"

"An _ankle biter_ around babies?"

"Right. Well, there’s a happy medium dog out there somewhere, isn’t there? Australian Shepards aren’t huge. I had one as a kid...where are you going?"

"I'm going to see if I can pet the German Shepard. You coming?"

She shakes her head. “I’m just gonna sit for a few more minutes. Go get puppy love out of your system.” She smiles as Toni squatted down to pet the excited pup after getting permission from its owner. She tried to picture them having a dog-she knew Addy would _love_ one, she just wasn't sure if they would be able to handle a pup and two newborns at the same time. But she _was_ the one who brought up having a dog to Toni. She was suddenly distracted by a sound, something so small that any passerby wouldn't really hear. It was as if there was a rope tugging at her, trying to pull her to the direction of the sound. She gets up from the wall, following the sound as it got louder and a wave of nausea rolled over her when she realized what the sound was.

Toni looked up from the pup and to the chair her wife was sitting in, freezing when she saw it bare minus the tiger on the table. She gets up shakily and walks to it. "Cheryl? _Cheryl!"_

"Toni!" She hears her wife call from behind the shop. Toni's brown furrows and she follows her voice, walking jogging around back. She finds her wife on her knees by a dumpster and she speeds up.

"Cheryl! What are you doing? Why are you digging around in the trash?"

"It's not trash, Toni," she whispers, looking down at the tiny bundle in her arms. "It's a _baby_." She looks up at her. "Someone stuffed baby in a trash bag and threw her in the dumpster."

**_You are all I didn't know I needed, and the heart, sometimes it's unclear why it's beating. And love, if your wings are broken, we can brave through those emotions cause I'm gonna stand by you. Truth, I guess truth is what you believe in. And faith, I think faith is having a reason. And love, if your wings are broken, borrow mine so yours can open, too. Cause I'm gonna stand by you! Even if we're breaking down, we can find a way to break through. Even if we can't find heaven, I'd walk through hell with you! Love, you're not alone. Cause I'm gonna stand by you. _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there was a article I came across of police finding a baby in the dumpster, and it actually happens. And it gave me an idea, so the ending of this chapter and the next several were born.   
> And I'm sorry to say you'll all get to go back to hating Sweet Pea next chapter. Oops.


	11. Love From Within A Dumpster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love how in last chapter's comments, there were no questions about the baby, everyone just like automatically assumed they were keeping the dumpster baby. 
> 
> Also, not sure if this is in need of a trigger warning or anything, but just in case:  
> TW for physical punishment of a child

**_I've watched those eyes light up with a smile, river in the not good times. You taught me all that I know. I've seen your soul grow just like a rose, made it through all those thorns. Girl into the woman I know. And it's killing me to say "I'm fine," when I really mean to say: You're my all and more, all I know you taught me! You're my all and more, but I need room to breathe!_**  

"Uncle Pea, Uncle Pea!" Addyson burst through the front door, running into the house. A frazzled Polly follows her. She runs to his office. "Uncle Pea!" 

Sweet Pea sighs, looking up. He had no idea how Toni and Cheryl did this. He loved Addyson, so much, but she was so  _ time consuming _ . He looked forward to when the child was at school, because once she returned he didn't a second of peace and quiet until she was asleep-and  _that_ was a hassle. "Yes, Addy?"

She puts her art project on his desk. "I got a hundred!" she shouts excitedly.

"Inside voice, Addyson."

"Sorry! I just...I got  a _hundred percent_ on it!"

" _Everyone_ gets a hundred on art projects in the first grade," he says, handing it back to her. "Now go play, I'll be out shortly once I finish this paperwork."

"Oh..." she looks down at the sheet of cardboard. The cutouts she _oh so carefully_  cut with scissors while Cheryl watched and explained patiently through Skype the night before, how she glued it to the paper at the perfect angle. The glitter she painstakingly scattered on as to not make a huge mess on her aunt and uncle's table. She nods and walks out of the room. She runs over to Polly, grabbing her tightly. "I want Mommy!"

Polly kneels down and lifts her chin, wiping a stray tear off her cheek. "Your Mommy won't be home for five more days, sweetheart."

"I want her now!"

"Addyson, don't yell at me."

"Can't I stay with you until Mommy and Mama come home?" she pleads, clinging to her. 

"Aren't you here to help your aunt and uncle?"

"They don't want me! They're always busy." She stomps, throwing the art project. 

"Your Auntie Ronnie has a baby in her belly so she needs lots of rest and Uncle Pea works, baby."

"Mama works and Mommy has  _ two _  babies in her belly and they have time for me!"

"They won't have a lot of time for you once the babies are born, Addy."

Addyson holds up three fingers. "I got three months left of their attention before I have to share it!"

Sweet Pea comes out of his office, running a hand through his hair. "Addyson, I said inside voice, honey. Auntie Ronnie is sleeping upstairs."

"I don't care! I want Mommy! I want Mama!" She screams. Polly winces. The woman had never seen the child act up. She had had her overnight plenty of times, she had been over Cheryl and Toni's mane times, and she had never once seen the child purposely misbehave or as much as raise her voice at anyone. The only time the child was loud was if she was excited or playing. 

"Stop acting like a spoiled rotten brat, Addyson. I mean it!" Sweet Pea says. Sweet Pea had lived with them the first five years of the child's life, and he hadn't seen her act up before either. Of course, she had done things she shouldn't have and cried, but she had never made a scene, not even as a baby or toddler. She had always been the most well-behaved, respectful child he had ever met. He wondered how on earth Cheryl and Toni had let her get this bad in just a year and a half. But the truth was, they _hadn't_. Because she was still the little angel she had always been at home with her mothers. 

"Pea?" a groggy voice asks from the doorway. The three turn to see Veronica leaning against the door frame. "What's going on?"

"Addyson is throwing a temper tantrum," he says, walking over to her. "I'm sorry she woke you."

Addyson sits on the floor, arms crossed. Polly reaches for her and she smacks at her hand. "Don't touch me!" Polly pulls her hand back. "Alright, honey. I need you to calm down, though. No more screaming. I'll call your Mommy and you can talk to her so she can calm you down, okay?"

"No," Sweet Pea says. "Don't reward her for acting up."

"I’ll be good, I just want Mommy!" She cried and Polly shoots him a look. 

"Being a parent is all about compromise," Polly says, a warning in her tone. "And it's not rewarding her for throwing a tantrum. It's incentive for her to calm down. She's been very upset since Cheryl was in the hospital, yelling at her will not help, it'll only upset her more."

"I'm the one in charge of her, not you. And I said _no._ She has to learn how to behave. She will talk to Cheryl and Toni tonight before bed per usual."

Addyson screams. "I just want Mommy! I want my Mommy!"

"She's lucky I'm pregnant and can't lift her easily, or else I'd be putting her over my knee and beating her ass," Ronnie mutters. "My parents never let me get past the  first scream of a tantrum, and our son sure as hell won't be allowed to once he's over the age of two, either. My parents hit me as a child and I turned out just fine."

Sweet Pea glanced at her. "She's not lucky. You may be pregnant, but  _ I'm _ not." He walks over to the sobbing child and picks her up. She kicks and hits, trying to get out of his hold. 

"Leave me alone, don't touch me!"

"Are you putting her in time out?" Polly asks and he ignores her, carrying Addyson to the spare room she was staying in. Ronnie disappears from the doorway, going back to her bedroom. Polly turns to leave with a sigh, picking up Addyson's discarded project. Then she hears Addyson scream louder, four loud smacks following. A moment later, Sweet Pea exits the room, shutting the child in. "Did you just  _ hit _  her?" She asks in horror. 

"Mind your own business, Polly."

"Cheryl and Toni have  _ never _  laid a hand on that little girl!"

"Well, maybe they should! Now get out of my house."

Polly shakes her head angrily and leaves, slamming the door as loudly as possible. "When that child gets out of school tomorrow, she’s coming home with me," she says to herself as she gets into the car.

**_ I found New York laying in your arms, we'll melt into the bedroom floor. Never knew I'd stay for so long. And this truth cuts, not through one but both of us. It's deeper if I hold on. And it's killing me to say "I'm fine," when I really mean to say: You're my all and more, all I know you taught me! You're my all and more, but I need room to breathe! _ **

"Fuck!" Toni hisses, stating at the newborn in her wife's arms. The child's mouth is latched onto Cheryl's finger, sucking desperately. 

"She is so fucking small, Toni. She's  _ too _  small. She can't be more than a few hours old. And she's  so hungry, Toni.  _ So hungry _ . Fuck, who would throw a baby out like trash?"

"We need to get her to a hospital."

"Toni, we're over a half hour walk away from our rented car, and who knows how far from a hospital. She won't make it, she's starving and her skin is so raw."

Toni unties her flannel from around her waist. "Lift her up." She wraps the flannel around the infant when she does so. "You have to nurse her, Cheryl."

"Wh-what? I can't."

"Cheryl, you started producing colostrum already. Like you said, she's starving. You need to feed her so she can make it to a hospital." She helps Cheryl up. "Come one, there was a bathroom in the arcade. It's just a few minutes down the walk." She puts an arm around Cheryl, leading her away from the dumpster. Cheryl tightens her hold on the newborn as she's guided to the arcade. She sighs in relief when the arcade is in sight. Toni leads her in and to the back, entering the bathroom. Toni locks them in the handicap stall. "Okay, babe." She unbuttons the front of Cheryl's sundress, unclasping her bra and moving it out of the way. 

"Okay, little one." Cheryl pulls her finger from the babies sucking. She lets out a croaky wail. Cheryl guides the baby to her breast, doing her best to help the baby's mouth find it. The baby finally finds her nipple, latching on and suckling desperately. Cheryl lets out a hiss of pain and Toni rubs circles on her back. She was so  _ sensitive _  there.

"I know it hurts, love. But you're doing amazing, you're saving her." She kisses her wife's temple.

"Y-you know babies bond with their mother by nursing, and are less likely to take to formula after breastfeeding. But I'm not her mother, so what will happen after this?"

"That's for social services to figure out," Toni tells her, "Not us. Even if they find the birth mother, she won't get her back. She'll most likely be adopted out once she has a clean bill of health."

Cheryl nods. Toni wipes the unexpected tears off her wife's cheeks. "S-sorry," Cheryl chokes out. "Blame the hormones."

Toni brings Cheryl to the toilet and helps her sit. "Just focus on breathing, babe. In, and out. There you go. Good girl."

Several minutes later, the baby lets her go, eyes closed as she sleeps. Toni buttons Cheryl's dress up again and helps her up, Cheryl holding the baby close to her. They begin the walk back to the hotel. Cheryl shields the baby from the sun, and from passerby's. 

It took a half hour to get to the hotel, and by the time they got into the car, the baby began to cry again. Cheryl winces as Toni assists her again to allow the hungry baby to nurse. Toni turns on the GPS, searching for the closest hospital. Once the babe is finished, Toni tells Cheryl to hold the baby tightly and she drives away, following the GPS. "Just fifteen minutes, Cher."

Toni wanted to race to the hospital, but she didn't know the route, and there was a newborn with nothing but Cheryl's arms keeping her safe, so she drove carefully. They arrived in fifteen minutes, Toni running to the passenger side to help Cheryl out of the car. They made their way into the hospital, going to the front desk.

"We have a baby that needs help," Toni says anxiously. All it took was one look at the raw newborn skin for a doctor to be paged immediately. They heard a quiet whisper of  _ "call social services, immediately." _

A doctor walked over to them, reaching for the baby. Her eyes glance at Cheryl's obviously very pregnant body, then she glances at Toni who very obviously did not just have a baby. "This isn't either of you child, is it?"

"We found her," Cheryl chokes out. 

"Found her  _where?"_

"In a trash bag in a dumpster, behind Henri’s Ice Cream Shoppe."

"Irene, call Oceanside PD," she tells the receptionist. "You two, follow me please." Cheryl and Toni follow the doctor, Cheryl clinging to Toni's hand tightly. "How long ago did you find her?"

"Just over an hour ago," Toni tells her.

"I nursed her, twice, I had to," Cheryl says softly.

"Good. That probably saved this child's life." She went into an elevator with the baby, hitting a button. "I'm Dr. Whitney Satori. What are your names?"

"Toni Blossom-Topaz, and this is my wife, Cheryl."

"How far along are you?" 

"Nearly seven months," Cheryl whispers.

"Twins by any chance?" She asks, watching the numbers on the elevator rise.

"Y-yeah."

"First pregnancy?"

"N-no. We, um, have a six year old daughter."

The elevator opens and Dr. Satori exits swiftly, the two following her. She goes into a room, placing the baby on the infant cot beside an incubator. She unwraps the flannel from around her and a nurse jogs over, taking over. 

"Our receptionist has called the police and they should be here soon, they'll want to talk to you. Social services are on their way, too. Today has been quite an exciting day for you, hasn't it?" They both nod tiredly. "Mrs. Blossom-Topaz, who's your doctor?"

"We aren't from here, we're from Riverdale. It's a small town on the East Coast, right by New York," Toni answers for her unusually silent wife.

"Alright. I'm head of the Peds department. Do you mind if I take a look at your babies before the police arrive? I don't want to send you into an even more stressful situation without making sure you can handle it."

Cheryl nods and lets Dr. Satori lead them away, casting one last look at the baby. She finds herself in a room on on an ultrasound bed. Toni helps Cheryl roll the dress up and Dr. Satori puts the cool gel on her stomach, rubbing the wand over it. "Ah, there they are. Healthy babies. Are you aware of the sex?"

"Boy and girl," Cheryl says, above a whisper this time.

"Girl's heartbeat is strong," she ups the volume so they can hear. She moves the wand. "And the boy's is, too. Good heartbeats, both babies are healthy and comfortable. You are good to go."

..........................................

They had a long talk with the police. They were surprised to learn that just ten minutes before the hospital called, the police had been notified about the baby by the mother. The mother was a terrified seventeen year old, who said she didn't want the baby. The child's birth father had been called, and he didn't want her either. Neither parents wanted the child. So the rights were signed away, and the mother had found herself in juvenile detention for discarding the newborn in the dumpster. Social services had a long talk with the couple as well, and with the doctors. 

Toni, and especially Cheryl, were relieved to hear the baby's damage was minimal. They wanted to monitor a few days before social services took her. Cheryl had pleaded with Toni to let her see the baby again before the headed back to the hotel. Toni very reluctantly agreed, not wanting her wife to get attached. 

"May I hold her?" Cheryl asked, looking at the baby. She couldn't see Toni shaking her head. The nurse lifted the baby, now with a diaper and wrapped in a hospital issued baby blanket, placing her in Cheryl's arms. "Did her...did the girl who had her at least give her a name?"

"No," the social worker says. 

"A baby should have a name," she murmurs. 

Toni inhales deeply through her nose. 

"You found her, so would you like the honors of giving her a name?" The social worker asks and Toni'd eyes snap open.  _ Oh no _ _,_ she thinks.  _ So much for not getting attached . _

"Aivah," Cheryl says softly. "A beautiful name for a beautiful baby."

Toni's heart clenched when she saw her wife's face fall as the nurse took the baby- _Aivah_ -back. She couldn't believe she was about to ask this. They would have newborn twins in three months. They had a six year old already. They wanted a dog.

"Will she be up for adoption? Or will she be put in a foster home?" Toni asks, for her wife's sake.

"She's a healthy baby, she should adopt out quickly. I don't see her being put in the system."

Toni drew a breath. _This was it. There was no going back._  

"What would be requirements be to adopt her?"

**_Gotta breathe for me, it's now or never. I should leave, cause you deserve better. Gave you my all and more, but I need room to be me. You're my all and more, all I know you taught me! You're my all and more, but I need room to breathe! Gotta breathe for me, it's now or never._**  


	12. My Little Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters back to back, something that I don't usually do. Well, I do it a lot in this story. Twelve chapters in just under 2 months!

**_Gotta hold on easy as I let you go, gonna tell you how much I love you, though you think you already know. I remember how I thought you looked like an angel, wrapped up in pink, so soft and warm. You had me wrapped around you little finger since the day you were born. Beautiful baby, from the outside in. Chase your dreams but always know the road that will lead you home again. Go on, take on this old world, but to me you know you'll always be my little girl. _ **

"Auntie Polly, Auntie Polly! Look!" Addyson yells excitedly, leaning forward in her booster. Juniper and Dagwood look lean over to look. "It's Mama's car!"

"Yeah...it is." Polly says, confused. They weren't due back for a another two days. She parks her car, getting out. The kids all unbuckle and jump out of the car excitedly, Addyson running as fast as her legs can carry her to the car. "MAMA!" She screams when Toni gets out, launching at her. Toni laughs loudly, picking her up in a tight hug. 

"You're back early," Polly says, walking over to the pair, twins hands in her own. "Where's Cheryl?"

"Home. Something...came up."

"Is Mommy okay?" Addyson asks, concern lacing her voice. 

"Yeah, she's okay baby. But, well...Polly, can we go inside?"

"Oh, yeah." Polly unlocks the door and the twins run in, the two women following. Toni sits on the couch, putting Addyson beside her. "Would you like a drink?"

"Please," Toni says. Polly disappears and returns a moment later, handing Toni a can of sprite and a juice box to Addy. 

"Okay, what's going on?" She sits on the other side of Addy.

Toni sighs. "Three days ago we found something. Well,  _ Cheryl _  did. She found a black trash bag in a dumpster behind an ice cream shop. And inside the trash bag, was a baby." Polly gasps and Addyson looks up at her wide, confused eyes. "The baby was still  _ alive _ . Cheryl had to nurse her because she was barely clinging to life, and of course she ended up getting attached to her. She loves _too_ deeply sometimes. We got the baby to the hospital and they let her name the baby. Anyways, turns out the baby's mother was a scared high schooler who was afraid to be a parent and instead of telling her parents or even dropping her off at a hospital or police or fire station, she threw her out like trash. And neither of the baby's biological parents, nor their families, wanted her, so social services took her. They were putting her up for adoption. There's a waiting list to adopt-you know that, of course, since your sister is on one, but considering the circumstances and the fact that the baby had bonded with Cheryl...they made a rare exception. There's still paperwork being faxed to social services here, but it's pretty much finalized."

"Are you saying...you don't mean...did you seriously  _ adopt _ _a baby_ barely  three months before being saddled with  _twins?"_

Toni nods sheepishly. "We did."

"You...can you handle  _ three _  newborns at once?"

"I know we can."

_"Three?"_   Addyson asks, still confused. Toni turns to face her. 

"Addy, the baby we found, we brought her home. She had nobody, so we adopted her. Which means, she's our daughter now...she's your  _ sister _  now."

Addyson stared at her for what felt like forever, then, "I was supposed to have _three months_ left!" she shouts, kicking her feet against the couch in frustration. “It’s not _fair!”_

"Hey, hey! I know. I know this wasn't fair to spring on you, and it is a lot to take in. But baby, you  _ don't _  yell at me."

She flinches and shrinks back against Polly. "Are you gonna hit me for yelling?"

"What? Of course not. We've never hit you and we never would. Why would you ask that, baby?"

Addyson shrugs. "When am I gonna meet the baby?" She asks, changing the subject. She stays leaning against Polly.

"As soon as you're ready. I already got all your stuff from Uncle Pea's when I stopped there to pick you up. He said you were sleeping over here at Juni's tonight. So if you want to stay here tonight, you can. You don't have to come home right now if you don't want to."

"I do wanna go home!" she says, lurching forward and clings to Toni's arm. 

"Okay, baby. Can you thank Auntie Polly for all her help before we go?"

"Thank you, Auntie Polly," she gets off the couch and hugs her tight. "I already thanked Uncle Pea and Auntie Ronnie, cause I was gonna stay here for a few days. So I don't need to see or call them."

"Okay," she gives her a weird look, taking her hand. They said goodbye to the twins and went to the SUV. Polly takes Addyson's booster from her car and gives it to Toni who puts it in hers. Addyson climbs in and buckles herself. 

"Give Cher a hug from me," Polly says. She hesitates and walks closer to her, lowering her voice so the child couldn't hear. "Addy hasn't seen Veronica and Sweet Pea in two days days." 

"What? _Why?"_

"She threw the mother of all tantrums one day, no idea why but she was screaming and hitting and just didn’t want to be touched. It kind of reminded me of Cheryl when she’s having one of her attacks. Sweet Pea wouldn't let her call you guys after school to help calm her down. Instead they, well...they punished her."

"Punished her  _ how?" _  Toni asks slowly, voice dangerously low.

"Spanked her. _Hard._ I had to keep her home from school the next day because she was still so upset, and the fact that I wasn’t going to embarrass her by sending her with a cushion to sit on in front of all her classmates."

"I'm going to  _ kill  _ him," she seethes, clenching her fist.

"Just focus on Addy and Cheryl and that baby right now, Toni. You can deal with them when the time comes. But for now, Addy needs you. Her little world just changed a lot earlier than she expected." She hugs her tightly. 

"Thank you, Polly, for taking care of her." She holds her for a moment, taking a steadying breath.

"Of course." 

Toni gets in the car, glancing back at Addyson before driving the five minute drive back to Thistle House. Addyson stays unusually quiet for the drive. Toni parks the car and gets out. She opens the backdoor. "Addy?" Addyson unbuckles and puts her arms out. Toni picks her up and carries her inside the house. "Cher?"

"In here," she hears her voice call from the living room. She goes into the room, finding Cheryl sitting on the couch, baby in arms, Ellie beside her with a huge smile. 

"She's so precious," Ellie coos.

"Mommy! Mommy, Mommy!" Addyson squirms and Toni puts her down. 

"Can you take her?" Cheryl asks Ellie, passing her the baby so she can give her oldest the attention she so desperately needs. Ellie nods and takes her carefully. Cheryl reaches her arms out to Addyson who happily climbs onto the couch and into her arms. Cheryl sighs in relief that she climbed up instead of jumped on her. Addyson wraps her arms tightly around Cheryl's neck. "I missed you  _ so much _  Mommy."

"I missed you, too, baby."

Toni sits down beside them. Ellie hands her the baby so she can go check on Nana. Toni looks down and bites her lip. She felt nothing looking at the child, nothing at all. She was staring at a stranger. A stranger that, once the paperwork was processed, was officially her child. She glances at Addyson and Cheryl, smiling softly at how they held each other. Addy meant the world to her, but she knew the child would always choose Cheryl over her. She didn’t have high hopes of being a favorite of this child’s. She hoped it would change-that, like Addyson, she would grow to love the child. She could only hope that when the twins were born, she would have a relationship with one of them like Cheryl had with Addy-she wasn’t sure it was possible for a mother and daughter to have as strong a bond as Cheryl and Addy did, though.

And then came the question of how she would tell Cheryl about what had happened with Addyson. She wasn't sure how her wife would react. She knew that Cheryl had been  _ very _  adamant on never physically punishing their children unless absolutely necessary after her childhood of abuse. And Toni had agreed with her, because like her wife, she had suffered her fair share of abuse growing up. And whether Addyson had been a little terror or not, she didn't believe  _ anyone _  had the right to physically punish her daughter, even if did get spanked her at home-which she absolutely _didn't._ That little girl had never had a hand laid on her out of anger. The child had always responded just fine to time outs or being sent to her room and talking about it once she had calmed down. A tiny part of her was worried about Addyson-her Uncle Pea had always meant the world to her, and she wondered if their relationship would be strained after that. Part of her hoped it would be, because she knew that she wouldn’t be comfortable having the child around him anytime soon and she didn’t want to be the bad guy that separated them. She hoped that Addy understand.

"Addyson? Auntie Polly told me what happened at Uncle Pea's."

Addyson peeks a look at her. "Go away!"

"Hey!" Cheryl says sternly, giving her arm a gentle squeeze to get her attention. "Don't be rude to your mother."

"She has a right to be upset," Toni sighs. 

"What happened?" Cheryl asks, eyes flitting between her wife and daughter.

"According to Polly, she threw a really bad tantrum although Polly thinks it was more than that, Pea wouldn't let her call you to help her calm down, and he hit her." Toni's eyes search Cheryl's face, but her expression was unreadable. 

"Are you going to make them stay away again?" Addyson asks in a small voice.

"I sure as hell am keeping them away, at least until the urge to stab your uncle goes away." Addy's eyes widen. Toni lets out of a soft sigh of relief when Cheryl nods, in complete agreeance with her.

Addyson lets Cheryl go and settles down between them. "What's the stupid baby’s name?" She points at the baby.

“Addyson...” Cheryl says in a warning tone.

“Sorry. What’s her name?”

"Aivah," Cheryl says quietly, coming finger through her daughter’s hair.

Addyson leans into her touch and holds her arms out. "I wanna hold her."

Toni carefully puts the infant in Addyson's arms. "Be nice to her. And make sure you support her head-there you go, good girl." 

Toni gets up and creeps to her bag, getting her camera out. This moment deserved a camera, not a quick cell phone shot. She points to camera at them, adjusting it until she had the most perfect shot. She clicked a few photos, smiling. She moved beside Cheryl, showing her the one she loved best on the screen. Addyson sitting on the couch in her frilly red skit and white leggings and white graphic tee, long red curls over her shoulders. Her eyes cast down, nose wrinkled and her smile showing teeth as she giggled. The baby, clad in a purple onesie and soft pink blanket, eyes closed and snuggled in Addy's arms. 

Maybe,  _ just maybe _ , she wouldn't mind sharing her mothers attention with all the little ones.

**_When you were in trouble, that crooked little smile could melt my heart of stone. Now look at you, I've turned around and you've almost grown. Sometimes when you're asleep, I whisper "I love you" in the moonlight at the door. As I walk away, I hear you say "Mommy love you, more." Beautiful baby, from the outside in. Chase your dreams but always know the road that will lead you home again. Go on, take on this old world, but to me you know you'll always be my little girl._ **

The sound of a newborn pierced the house. Toni groans and rolls over, looking at the alarm clock. 2:05 am. 

"I forgot what it was like getting up through the night with a baby," Cheryl groans.

"Stay in bed, babe. I'll bring her in here," Toni yawns and gets up, going to the nursery. She freezes in the hall when the sound of crying suddenly stops. She opens the door, concerned. "Addyson, what are you doing in here?"

"Making her stop crying," she says with a shrug.

Toni moves quickly to the crib and glances inside. She lets out a breath when she sees the baby is perfectly fine, staring up at them with drowsy eyes. "She was  _lonely_ ,  Mama. She doesn't like sleeping alone."

Toni lifts her from the crib. "Lonely, huh?"

"I am, too. Can I please sleep in your bed?"

"Of course." Typically Toni would try to convince her to go back to sleep in her own bed, but with a sudden new baby and two more on the way, the last thing she wanted was a jealous Addyson. 

They went back to Toni's room, Addyson climbing onto the bed and Toni slipping in beside her. "Here, babe."

Cheryl takes Aivah from her. "How will I be able to nurse three babies when I have the twins?" she asks tiredly. She glances at Addyson sprawled out on the bed and looks around. Toni hands Cheryl a baby blanket. Cheryl gives her a grateful smile, covering herself and Aivah as she nursed. 

"Do you think Avery will look like me when she's born?" Addyson asks, rolling over to curl up against Toni's side. "I hope she does. I hope they both have hair like me."

"You want them both to have curly red hair?" 

"Yeah. I want Avery to look like me and Mommy. But Jason has to look like you, Mama, just with red hair."

Toni chuckles. "Considering those Blossom genes, I bet they will both be little redheads with pretty brown eyes."

"I have Mommy's eyes, so they can have your eyes, Mama. Your eyes are a lot lighter brown, like caramel. Me and Mama have dark brown eyes like chocolate."

"What if they don't have red hair or have Mommy's or my eyes? Will you still love them?" Toni asks cautiously.

"I'll love them not matter what they look like. They can have red hair or brown hair or yellow hair. They can have blue eyes or green eyes or brown eyes. They can really pale skin like Mommy or darker skin like you or in the middle like me. I'll love them the same no matter what."

"When did you grow up so fast, huh?" Cheryl asks, tearing up a little as she reaches over, running a hand down her little back.

"Since I have you and Mama as my parents."

"Well damn kid, you're going to make me cry, too," Toni laughs quietly. "And what about Aivah? You think you'll love her?"

"I already do. You told me, Mama. You told me that family isn't always blood. So even though Mommy didn't have her and you just brought her home, she's still as much my sister as Avery is, even if she is very annoying with crying and I thought about throwing her out my window once or twice-I would never do it, though. Just like you have always been as much my Mama as Mommy is."

Toni wipes a tear that finally escapes. "You truly are a little miracle, Addyson." She pulls her closer, hugging her tightly. "Oh, baby girl."

Toni didn't think she could ever love a child as much as she loved Addyson, but this little girl gave her hope. Hope that she would be a good mother to the twins. And hope that she would grow love the child in her wife's arms soon.

**_My beautiful baby, from the outside in. Chase your dreams but always know the road that will lead you _ ** **_home again. Go on, take on this old world, but to me you know you'll always be my little girl. Gotta hold on easy as I let you go, gonna tell you how much I love you, though you think you already know..._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll get a pissed off Toni/SP insisting he wasn't wrong scene next chapter


	13. Forgiveness and Trust, Or Lack Of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter you'll have to deal with SP, at least for a little while. 
> 
> Here's the Choni (mostly Toni)/Sweet Pea confrontation you've all been waiting for, for like 2 chapters.

**_ I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand. You felt so good in it, no bigger than a minute. How it amazes me you're changing with every blink. Faster than a flower blooms, you grew up all too soon! So, let them be little! Cause they're only that way for a while. Give them hope, give them praise, give them love everyday. Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle! Just let them be little.  _ **

 

"TT?" Cheryl carefully made her way down the stairs. She had woken up from a much needed nap and Toni had been missing. Neither Addy or Aivah were upstairs either. Toni greets her at the bottom of the stairs, putting a finger to her lips and beckons her to follow. Cheryl follows her to the entrance of the living room with a confused look. A smile formed on her lips when she looks into the room.

Addyson sat cross-legged on the floor, as adorable as could be in her favorite red t-shirt and overalls, curls neatly tied into two braids. Laying on a play mat on the floor was little one week old Aivah, on her back, clad in a purple and pink onesie.

"Now, remember the rules. You can _only_  scream quietly until Avery and Jason come. Cause if you scream loud, then I won't tell Mommy and Mama you can stay in my room until the other babies come so you don't get lonely at night. You can only cry, and not too loud, when you get hungry or you need a new diaper. So that's like, only a couple times at night. So you promise? Here, you can't break a pinkie promise, it's a sacred oath." She gently takes Aivah's hand, hooking her little pinkie with her own. "There. The deal is struck. Now, there are other rules in the house. You gotta clean up after yourself, but you probably can't do that until you're like a year old. And no yelling at Mommy or Mama, but you don't have to worry about that yet, either. And when you learn to talk, you can't say _stupid_. It's a bad word. You can't say the f-word or c-word or the s-word, even if Mommy and Mama say it a lot."

The two women cover their laughs, sharing a guilty look.

"You're gonna be happy here. We have the best Mommy and Mama in the _entire_  world. Mommy is the best for hugs and kisses. She'll cuddle you all day long and be by your side every single second when you don’t feel good. She makes the best mac n cheese in the entire world, and it's real, not stuff from a box. The box stuff tastes pretty good-Auntie Polly makes it _a lot_. But I like Mommy's recipe best. Mommy's cool, she can shoot stuff from far away with a bow and arrow like Merida! And Mama, she lets me play by myself at the park and doesn't get bored pushing the swing for hours. And she reads the very best bedtime stories. She's really cool too, she has a motorcycle! But she says I can't ride on it with her til I'm older. Like, _ten years old_  at least. And Auntie Ellie is here always, and she sneaks me candy all the time and let's me drink soda over juice and she watches me a lot. She's like my babysitter. And then there's Nana Rose, she loves getting kisses and she gets so happy when I read to her. I can read a little now. She can't walk, but that's okay, cause she is as old as a _dinosaur_."

Cheryl's jaw drops and Toni is unsuccessful at holding back her laughter this time.

Addyson gasps and looks up at them. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to know you have a new roommate," Cheryl says, elbowing Toni who is still trying to stop laughing.

She walks over, sitting on the couch by them. She checks her phone when it vibrates. "Hey, Addy. Polly wants to know if you want to sleep over at hers tonight or if you want Juniper to sleep over here."

"Juni come here! She'll love Aivah!"

Cheryl chuckles and sends the message off the Polly. A few minutes later she gets one back. "She's just packing her overnight bag then they'll be over. So like, ten minutes baby."

"Okay," she says excitedly. "Can I bring some toys downstairs?"

"Go ahead."

She gets up and runs out of the room and up the stairs. Toni chuckles and sits beside Cheryl. "You know, I was expecting a jealous Addy or an angry Addy. Instead, she's attached to the baby. In a week she went from saying she wanted to throw Aivah out her window to asking to move her into her room."

"We'll see how she feels when there's three of them," Cheryl chuckles. "She's either be trying to find new homes for them all or she'll be a baby hoarder. It could go either way."

"My money's on baby hoarder," Toni laughs. "It's such an Addy thing to do."

Addyson returns to the room, a box of _Go Fish!,_ two Nerf bow and arrow sets and a few stuffed animals in her arms. "That's quite an assortment of things, kiddo."

"We get bored easily. By the way, she needs a diaper change I think."

"Is she stinky?" Toni asks. She grabs a diaper and a package of wipes off the coffee table.

"No, just wet. Can I change her?"

"Be my guest," Toni hands her the items. The doorbell rings and Toni turns to Cheryl. "I'll get it. Cher can you help Addy if she needs it?"

"Of course. Can you just put her on the couch first in case she needs help?"

Toni nods, picking Aivah and her blanket up, laying her on the couch beside Cheryl. Addy walks over with a determined look on her little face. Toni heads to the door. She opens it. "Hey, Pol....what do _you_ want?"

Sweet Pea holds up a paper. "Really, T?" She glares at him. "I get it, you're angry at me. But seriously, Toni. Cashing in all your sick days-and yeah, you got like months worth of them-all at once shortly before maternity leave? You couldn't have told me in person instead of faxing it? I’m still your boss."

"You hit my kid, so no, I couldn't tell you in person without wanting to punch you. And if I were you, I’d step away because that’s exactly what I want to do right _now_."

"I _spanked_  her, wasn't like I beat her."

Her fist clenches again, hot anger coursing through her. "You know very well we don't condone physical punishment on our children. You want to spank your son when he's born, then go ahead, I can’t stop you. But nobody has the right to lay a hand on _my_  children. You know how easily just hitting a kid once can turn into beating a kid! Just look at how my uncle was with me, or the Blossoms were to Cheryl! After _everything_ we went through as kids, did you _seriously_ think we'd ever be okay with someone hitting our child?"

"Toni, what's going on?" Cheryl appears behind her, Aivah in her arms, Addyson hiding behind her. _"Oh."_

"What's this?" Sweet Pea snaps, nodding to the baby.

"None of your concern."

Toni tries to close the door, but he puts a hand out, stopping it. "We have to talk. Or yell-go ahead and yell at me. I don't care, anything's better than you icing us out again."

"She said she wanted to stab you," Addyson pipes up, peeking from behind Cheryl.

"Please don't do that," he says to his friend.

"Give me a good reason why I _shouldn't_ ," she tries to slam the door on him again. He doesn't let her.

"I'm not leaving until we talk and work this out," he grunts.

She lowers her voice so Addyson can’t hear. “I don’t care that you’re the sheriff. You are not above the law. And the law states you are trespassing, so get your arm out of my way or I’ll cut if off, and know the only reason I _haven't_ broken your nose yet is because my little girl is behind me and I have made it a clear point that violence is not an answer. So as much as I'd like to beat the shit out of you for your clear disrespect, my need to be good example for my daughter comes first.”

He glares at her, but she isn’t intimidating despite the huge height gap. “Hey, Addy.”

“Don’t talk to her,” Toni snaps.

He ignores her. “Ads, do you really want me to go away and never see you again? Because that’s what you’re mother wants.”

“No!” Cheryl grabs at Addyson’s arm but she isn’t quick enough. Addyson runs over into Sweet Pea's arms, her previous wariness forgotten.

Toni huffs in anger and frustration. Sweet Pea stands up, holding her. "Now you have to talk to me." He looks behind him when he hears a car pull up. "Great, it's Cooper."

Polly and Juniper get out, Polly fixing him with an icy glare. "Juni!" Addyson yells. “Put me down!” Sweet Pea puts her down as the older child runs up the steps. Addyson grabs her hand. Juniper tries to pull her away, but Addyson digs her heels in, wanting to see what happens with the adults. Sweet Pea moves inside to give Polly room to enter. She brushes past him and walks to Cheryl, giving her a hug.

"I missed you. And this must be little miss Aivah!" Toni gives Polly a look and the blonde nods. Cheryl gives her wife a worried look before Polly pulls her into the living room with the baby.

"You have ten minutes," Toni snaps and stalks to the kitchen, Sweet Pea following. “Addyson, go upstairs.” She sits and he sits across from her. “You had no right to use my daughter to get me to talk to you.”

“It was the only way to get you to talk. You’re too hard-headed, Topaz.”

"You _hurt_  my daughter. I don't care what she did, you had _no_  right to hit my child!"

"She wouldn't stop screaming and hitting, Toni. She was out of control-"

"There _ had_ to be a reason!" Toni shouts. "You've known her since the day she was born, and she has never acted out that way. She’s had tantrums, all children throw tantrums, but that was something more! You should've tried talking to her, or put her in her room until she calmed the fuck down on her own, or let her call Cheryl!"

"And reward her for acting out?"

"Children don't lash out like that for no reason! Kids have _feelings_ , they have _emotions_ , and they’re allowed to express them without getting hurt! We told you before we left that she was struggling with the fact we were leaving! You _knew_  she was going to have a harder time than usual and you said you could handle her! We _trusted_  you with her!"

"She is _a lot_  of kid! When she wasn't acting up, she was being up in everyone's business and demanded undivided attention!"

Toni slams her fist on the table, not even registering the pain radiating through it. "She's a _child!_  Children are time consuming, Pea, they _all_  are! God, what are you going to do when Veronica has your son? When that child wakes you up every night crying because he needs to eat and be changed every few hours? What are you going to do if he goes through a faze of separation anxiety when you try to put him in daycare or leave him with a sitter? Or when you spend all your free time for months trying to potty train him? Or when he throws a fit because he doesn't want to eat his vegetables? Or when he colors on the wall or dumps a box of cheerios on the floor? When he starts walking and you have to pay a close eye on him because he has yet to learn boundaries or right from wrong? What about when he gets sick and wants you by his side twenty-four seven and ends up throwing up all over your shoes? What about when he needs help reading and doing homework every night? Or when he talks to you nonstop, and wants to show you every drawing and ever A-plus he gets? What about when he wants to go to the park, or go swimming and you need to take him? What about when Veronica is flying back and forth from New York and he screams everytime she tries to go out the door because to a child, being gone for a week is like a lifetime? How are you going to manage that when you can't deal with a six year old acting out because she misses her mothers after she almost lost one of them?! You want to be a dad so badly, but you don't know the first thing about being a parent!" Her voice rose with every word. She didn't even realize she was shouting until she felt a hand squeeze her shoulder.

"TT, this fighting is scaring the kids."

"Sorry, babe." She draws in a steadying breath and gives Cheryl's hand a tight squeeze.

"You don't realize how hard parenthood is until you have a screaming six year old on the kitchen floor while your pregnant wife is upstairs," Sweet Pea tries.

“You think that’s hard?" Cheryl asks, tightening her grip in Toni’s. "I had a newborn baby in _high school,_ which was hard. I raised a _toddler_ while attending college full time, which was hard. I am a parent to a six year old and a one week old while helping cook, clean, and helping with homework while being seven months pregnant with twins, while being woken up every few hours all day and night. So, a screaming child? That’s nothing compared to what you’ll be faced with when you have a newborn in four months. Welcome to parenthood, where _everything_ is a challenge. Raising a child is _hard_ , convincing them to eat all their food can be a challenge especially when they throw green baby food across the room, bath time makes you want to pull your hair out, and don't get me started on bedtime. Word of advice: there's no _true  _break from being a parent. Once you have a kid, they'll always be yours and for eighteen years, your _entire life_  is dedicated to them. And, maybe not for us, but for a lot of people their kids don't just go away once they turn eighteen. You're stuck with them 'til the day you die. Being a parent means _forever_. Just ask Nana-she was stuck with my mom for like forty something years, and she's still stuck with me. And another piece of advice: don't be afraid to ask for help if you can't deal with something, whether it's your own kid or someone else's your caring for. Because if you ruin your relationship with a child, it will be something they’ll always remember. And every hardship is worth it, every time you see that child's smile or hear that infectious laugh. But you can't have the smiles and laughs if you can't do the crying the messes.”

He sighs, running a hand through his hair, realizing he wasn’t going to win this one. So he tried to apologetic approach. "I really am sorry about what happened. I can't believe I lost my temper like that."

"You can't snap and hit kids whenever you get frustrated-"

"Toni, I think he gets it," Cheryl says, cutting her off when the rushing sound begins in her ears. She needed this conversation to be _over_. "It won't happen again."

"Oh, I know it won't, because she isn't going to be alone with her again."

"Toni-" Sweet Pea tries.

"No. Addy may have forgiven you because you threatened her with disappearing on you forever, but I'm not and Cheryl has not. I get that you're sorry, but I trusted you to take care of our daughter and you _hurt_ her. You lost my trust, and I’m not sure if you’ll ever be able to earn it back. You hurt my kid, you showed up unannounced for a _second_ time, and used my daughter against me.”

He turns to the redhead. She was always easier to get through to than her wife. "Cheryl? Are you seriously going to allow this?"

"I'm sorry, Pea. But I am standing by my wife, and I always will. You need to give us time, and maybe you’ll eventually be able to have visits Addy as long as you’re supervised and maybe eventually if we work up to the point, we’ll let you take her for an afternoon. But you need to give us _space_."

"Seriously, Red? It was one mistake!" He yells at her.

"Sometimes all it takes is one mistake," she says quietly, her hearing beginning to become more muffled, her vision blurring as dizziness hit her.

"Okay. Okay, _fine_. I’ll give you your space. Happy?"

"Okay." She turns on her heel, walking away. The muffled, underwater sound heightens. Then the wave of nausea, the feeling of her heart constricting, the feeling of a weight on her chest. Panic rolled over her in waves. "No, no, no." She stumbles to the living room, Polly grabbing her arm. _Not again, please not again_.

"Cheryl? Are you okay?" She helps her sit.

"Addy, where's Addy?" She chokes out.

A moment later she feels little arms around her neck. Cheryl inhales deeply, her nostrils filling with the scent of strawberry shortcake shampoo and blue raspberry lollipop breath. _In, out. Breathe in, breathe out. List three things you see. Shiny red curls. White curtains. Family photo on the wall. Three things you hear. Addy’s steady breathing. Polly’s voice. The door slamming._ She feels relief when her breathing becomes easier, her heart rate slowing. She presses a finger under her daughter's jaw, the beat of her pulse calming her.

"Mommy?"

"Everything's okay, baby,” she breathes out, keeping her grip on her. She was an anchor. “My chest hurt for a minute, but it's all better now."

"Good," Addyson whispers, "cause we need you."

**_I've never felt so much from one little tender touch. I live for those kisses, your prayers and your wishes. Now that you're teaching me things only a child can see. _ ** **_Every night hen we're on our knees, all I ask is please let them be little! Cause they're only that way for a while. Give them hope, give them praise, give them love everyday. Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle! Just let them be little._**  

"There's my girls," Toni says with a smile, entering her bedroom. Cheryl sat on the bed, Addyson and Juniper sitting beside her and little Aivah on her lap. "How are you feeling?" She sits on the bed, tucking hair behind Cheryl's ear.

"Better," Cheryl says quietly.

Toni frowns. Cheryl had been losing her voice lately-not physically, but the redhead spoke less and less, and quieter. And she was beginning to feel quite concerned about it.

"Hey, babe?" Toni asks gently. Cheryl looks at her. "Would you consider maybe seeing Dr. Peterson again?"

"You want me to go back to _therapy?"_ Cheryl asks in disbelief, looking away from her.

"Cher, look at me." She sighs as her wife stubbornly looks anywhere but at her. "Babe, I just want you to be okay. You're just so overwhelmed, and I think being able to talk about it will make you happier. You keep having these panic attacks again, and I can't help but worry. Like you said with Sweet Pea...there's nothing wrong with asking for help."

Cheryl looks at her. "Using my own words against me?"

"What can I say, they're wise words." Cheryl finally cracks a smile.

"May I?" Toni asks, reaching for Aivah.

"Of course," she picks the baby up and hands her over to Toni.

"There's four of them," she says softly, eyes not leaving the sleeping babe.

"It's not how we imagined it," Cheryl says.

"No, it isn't. But plans change. Right, girls?"

"Yeah!" Juniper says.

"Right!" Addy giggles. "Speaking of change..."

"What's on your mind, little one?"

"Can we get a puppy?"

"Yeah, get a puppy! My Mommy won't let us get one cause she says she don't have the time," Juniper pouts.

Toni and Cheryl share a knowing smile. Because little did the child know come Christmas morning, there would be a pup under the tree. She just had to wait five more weeks. So Toni gave a simple "we'll talk once things aren't so crazy" and the child accepted the answer, once again making both women grateful to how easy-going she could be at times. Cheryl had caved, and Toni had talked with a German Shepard breeder and they picked out one of the pups, which would be ready by Christmas to go to her new home. Toni had another surprise up her sleeve. The German Shepard breeder had contacts with a breeder who had a litter of Australian Shepard pups- _a happy medium,_ as her wife had put it. The youngest redhead wouldn't be the only one with a surprise pup under the tree this year.

**_So innocent, a precious soul! You turn around and it's time to let them go. Let them be little! Cause they're only that way for a while. Give them hope, give them praise, give them love everyday. Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle! Just let them be little._**  


	14. Thanksgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a really long chapter. One of the longest ones so far. And it's only a filler chapter. Beginning is some sad Choni but the rest is like a long ass chapter of family fluff. 
> 
> Comments are always motivation to write and post sooner.

**_ You feel like a candle in a hurricane. Just like a picture with a broken frame. Alone and helpless, like you’ve lost your fight. But you’ll be alright. Cause when push comes to shove, you taste what you’re made of! You might bend til you break cause it’s all you can take! On your knees you look up, decide you’ve had enough. You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off, then you stand! _ **

"What did I ever do to deserve you, TT?"

It was Thanksgiving morning, too early for Toni to even consider morning. 5 am, she didn't even get up that early to go to work. Cheryl had gotten up when she heard crying over the monitor an hour ago to feed Aivah and hadn't been able to get back to sleep. That's how Toni found herself here, straddling her wife's hips as she worked her magic on the muscles on her back.

"I could ask the same thing," Toni chuckles, pulling long red hair aside and kissing the back on her neck, hands never stopping kneading down her back.

"I mean it, Toni. Don't you get tired of this?"

"Of massaging your back? No, I'd do 'til my arms fell off if I needed to."

"Don't do _that,"_ she giggles, then her voice turns serious. "I meant of all of this. Of _me_. Of my spur of the moment decisions and carelessness and stubbornness and..."

"Shh. Babe, what's going on? What's go you thinking like this? I love you, all of you. Including the part that makes spur of the moment decisions and can be careless and overly stubborn. I knew what I was getting into when I met you all those years ago in the bathroom before we saw _Love, Simon_  when we were just kids, I knew what I was getting into when I asked you to be my girlfriend after that spontaneous motorcycle ride, and when I proposed to you on the cruise at Santa Catalina, and when I married you the night you went into labor with Addy. We've been together almost eight years, Cheryl. So, what's going on in that head of yours?"

She sniffles. "I'm sorry."

"Cheryl? Sorry for what?"

"For being _me_."

"Oh, _Cheryl._"

"I made a decision about what you asked. About going back to see Dr. Peterson."

"What did you decide, love?" She asks tentatively.

"I scheduled an appointment yesterday for next week. And I know what you're going to say next, and the answer is _yes_ , I'm doing it for me and not just because you asked me to. I don't...I don't want to have to be sorry for being me. I want to be okay with me for me, for you, and Addy and Aivah and the twins."

"I'm proud of you," she kisses her nape of her neck again. "Proud of you for making your decision for _you_. For wanting to help yourself instead of shutting down. You know I wouldn't have been upset if you chose not to go, if you felt it was the best decision for you at the moment, right?"

"I _do_  know, TT," she breathes, relaxing as the initial pain of Toni's massage on an awfully sore muscle turns into pleasure. "Can't I help at all with dinner later, babe? It's just us. This is our first Thanksgiving without Pea and Ronnie since I met them, and even Ellie won't be here-she's going to Pea's. I don't want to just sit around."

"I know." She sighs. "I know you miss them, babe. I miss our friendship with them, too, but I just can't stand to be around them right now."

"I know," Cheryl sighs. "I'm angry, too. _So_  angry that he hurt our little girl. And I can't be around them, _twice  _have I had an attack from being around them. But I can't help but miss them at the same time."

"As for the other part, we might not have _ them_, but Polly is coming over with the twins. Betty said she and Jug might come over, too. And Polly can help me make dinner while you're on kid duty. They all like you better, anyways."

"They do not."

"They _do,_ " Toni laughs. "You are Juni and Addy's most favorite person in the entire universe. Me and Polly are chopped liver sometimes."

"Aivah likes you best, TT. Sure, I nurse her and she loves me, but her face lights up in a smile when she sees you or hears your voice."

"What can I say? She's turned into a total Mama's girl. About damn time I was a kid's favorite." She says, pride entering her voice. Her hands switch from massaging to rubbing up and down her back. "We have just two months left before we have two more little ones."

"That's if I go to term, I had Addy a month early and Dr. Stevens said it's normal for twins to come early. She said that as early as 32 to 37 weeks can be normal and safe for twin births."

"Please don't go into labor early. We're still adjusting to Aivah."

"TT?"

"Yes, Cher?"

"I'm 33 weeks today."

"You are _definitely_  not having those babies early! You have to wait for at least week 37."

Cheryl laughs. "I don't think I can just hold them in if they want to join us early."

Toni leans down and presses a kiss to the side of Cheryl's stomach. "No coming out yet, you two gotta stay nice and comfy for another four weeks _at least_. Although we'd prefer it if you waited for another six. Got it? Good, thank you."

Cheryl laughs again, shaking her head. She rolls onto her back, looking up at Toni. "You're adorable."

"I am _not,_ " she presses a long kiss onto her lips, cupping her cheek.

"Are too."

..................................................

"Auntie Cher!" Juniper yells running over to Cheryl, hugging her tightly. "Auntie Toni!" She lets Cheryl go and huge Toni tightly. "Addy!" She lets her so and tackles her cousin and best friend.

Dagwood walks in with Polly. The little boy lets her hand go and walks over to Cheryl and Polly wanders into the kitchen with Toni. "Auntie Cher? Can I see the baby? I haven't met her and all Juni does is brag about how she gets to play big cousin and I don't."

"Of course, buddy." She takes his hand and they walk into the living room where Aivah is laying in a bassinet. "Hey there, little princess." Cheryl carefully lifts the baby up, sitting on the couch. Dagwood sits beside her.

"May I hold her?" Cheryl smiles and places the baby in his arms. He automatically supports her head, smiling down brightly. "She's so cute. I want a baby brother, or sister. Just a baby. But Mom says that isn't how it works, but not to worry cause I'll have lots of baby cousins. Aivah, your twins, Noah and when Auntie Betty finally adopts a baby."

"She's right. You are more than welcome to come here and see the babies whenever you want to, as long as your mom says it's okay."

"How old is Aivah?"

"Well, we found her on the day she was born. So, she's two weeks and three days old."

"Can I ask you something else really important, Auntie Cher?"

"What is it?"

"Mommy doesn't like talking about my Daddy, it makes her cry. But...do you think you could tell me about him?"

"You're a spitting image of him. You have his straight red hair, same pool blue eyes, same smile. I'm glad, that even though he's not with us, he left a mark in this world. You and Juniper will always be living reminders of him. Juni has his personality- makes friends easily, energetic, talks a million miles an hour. But you also got things from him. You're passionate, thoughtful, protective. I see him in both of you. You would have loved him, he would have been the best father in the world. Do you have any photos of him?"

He shakes his head.

"Come upstairs with me," she takes Aivah and leads him to and up the stairs. He doesn't complain that she has to take her time. Once upstairs, she puts Aivah on the bed. "Can you drag that black safe over here?"

Dagwood grabs the safe, pulling it to the bed. Cheryl gets down on the floor and opens it.

"Is this my Daddy's?" he pulls the Letterman jacket out.

"It sure was," she smiles. Dagwood puts it on, the jacket huge on him.

"It's like a dress," he laughs.

Cheryl smiles lovingly and paws through the photos. She pulls out one and smiles. "Look. This was JJ when he was your age."

"That looks just like my school picture! I do look like him! He has the same dimples as Juni does!" She hands him a few more, of pre-teen Jason and teenage shortly before death Jason.

"Will I look this handsome when I grow up?"

"You're already that handsome, Dags." She kisses his forehead, using the bed to help herself back up.

"Can I...can I keep these?" he asks.

Cheryl looks at the jacket on his shoulders and the photographs of her dearly departed brother. _You have a lifetime of memories, Bombshell. He has none. Let him have a little piece of your dear JJ._  She swallows the lump in her throat and nods. His smile is enough to make any reservations go away.

"How about we go see what your sister and Addy are up to?"

"Probably trouble," he laughs.

"Probably."

..................................................

"There's my little princess," Toni says with a smile as Cheryl hands her Aivah. The baby smiles up, making a happy noise.

"She's fed, changed, and ready to snuggle with you for the next hour at least."

"I just have a small break, I have to help Polly finish," she says reluctantly, looking down at the baby.

"Babe, I've gotten rest. I can help Polly a little. I'm pregnant, not incapable. Go relax, watch some TV with the kids and cuddle your little princess to your hearts content. You’ve done so much for me through this pregnancy, at least let me do this for you."

Toni smiles and kisses her. "If you even feel a little tired-"

"I'll let you know. Now go relax and enjoy baby cuddles."

Toni shuffles to the living room to where the three oldest kids are gathered. Addyson is sprawled on the couch, the twins sitting on the floor playing a game connect four. Toni sits beside her daughter, grabbing the remote. She turns the TV on, going into Netflix to find a show to watch that wouldn't be inappropriate for six and eight year olds but she could still enjoy. Addy curls up against her, resting her head on her thigh.

"Love you, Mama," she mumbles. Toni smiles, the warm feeling of happiness filling her. She rests a hand on the back of Addyson's head, fingers massaging her scalp.

"And I love you, baby. To the moon and stars and back."

Addyson giggles happily.

When Cheryl checks on them a half hour later, she finds Toni relaxed on the couch, a sleeping baby in her arms and Addyson stretched out on the couch with her head on Toni's lap. The twins were both sprawled across each other on the loveseat. All four sets of eyes glued on the screen as Pete's Dragon played. Cheryl shook her head with a smile. Toni may be a twenty-four year old woman, but she was a sucker for Disney movies, something Cheryl always found adorable. She knew for a fact that she's probably find that movie playing even if her wife wasn't in a room with a handful of elementary children. She watched the group with a smile before heading back to the kitchen.

"They're all good, just completely absorbed into the movie," Cheryl tells Polly. The blonde had grew slightly concerned when the house was silent for too long besides the sound of a movie filtering quietly into kitchen.

"What movie?"

_"Pete's Dragon_  I think," Cheryl says, picking the peeler and potato back up. She sits and begins her work back up. "I'm seeing my old psychiatrist on Monday. Toni thinks it'll help, as do I."

"Oh, she beat me to suggesting that," Polly muses.

"Polly!"

"Sorry, Cher. But we worry, and we see you slipping and want to make sure you're on top of it. You got two kids, and two on the way to take care of. It's _a lot_  of pressure. Are you sure...are you sure you two want to keep that baby? You still have time to change your minds, you know. Someone else could easily adopt her."

"I know," she sighs. "We took her home because I fell in love, and she'll stay because now _Toni_  has. She needs this-Addy is _our_  daughter, but we all know that child has favorites and she clings to me. That baby lights up when she sees or hears Toni, something Addy never did. And the look on Toni's face, it's the look of pure adoration and love. Of pure happiness. Toni's content with our life, but she not often genuinely purely happy. I notice-she doesn't think I do, but I _do_. She gets _tired_. She works so hard for us, in every way. She feels useless sometimes, even if she's the least useless person I know. Blossom-Topaz Recreation Center. It's not named that because it's my last name, it's named that for us _both_. Because she works so hard at the precinct, but she doesn't feel it's enough. But just knowing we'll always live more than comfortably because of _our_  center, it gives her peace of mind. She's never wanted money thrown at her, she didn't want to live off of her rich girlfriend. So _we_  own it, and I go and I actually work hard at the center, so it's hard earned money on both parts. Hard work always was so important to her, so we work hard and make sure our children grow up knowing that despite the fact they're from a wealthy family they need to have morals and work hard to earn what they want. And I'll just sit and watch the kids so she can cook, even though I hate just sitting around, just so she can feel better. I let her decorate the nursery this time and redecorate our poor bedroom, and she always has a say in even the littlest matters. She always puts me and Addyson first. I just wish sometimes she'd let me put her first."

"You had a lot on your chest, didn't you? All I said was you could give the baby back and I got _this_  response." She sits beside her. "You gonna talk to your therapist like that?"

"Oh, I wouldn't shut up with Dr. Peterson first time around, it irked them all because after the- _y ou know_, I wouldn't talk to anyone but her. I'm not worried about going back. It's her job to be a damn good listener and give me advice."

Polly laughs. "As long as you're gonna be okay."

"I _am_  okay, and I will be even better. For myself, my wife and children."

"I'm proud of you."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Cheryl huffs, cheeks heating up as she peels the potato. Polly gives her a small smile.

"Because we are."

**_Life's like a novel with the end ripped out. The edge of a canyon with only one way down. Take you're _ ** **_given before it'a gone. Start holding on, keep holding on! Cause when push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of! You might bend til you break, cause it's all you can take. On your knees, you look up, decide you've had enough. You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off, then you stand!_ **

"Time for dinner," Polly says an hour and a half later, head popping into the living room.

"Just one more minute," Dagwood says, eyes never leaving the screen. "The movies almost over. I wanna see Pete see Elliot again."

"Just one more minute," Polly agrees and heads to the kitchen. "Sit, woman," she order Cheryl. The redhead sighs but sits at her seat. Polly puts plates, cups and silverware on the table. She puts the turkey on the table for Cheryl to carve while she puts the rest of the food-mashed potato, squash, pearl onions, stuffing, gravy and cranberry sauce-into serving bowls. Toni enters the room and sits beside Cheryl, kissing her cheek and pulling the turkey over to take over the carving herself. The kids joined them soon, taking seats while Polly fetched Nana Rose. Nana sat in her usual seat at the head, Cheryl beside her, Toni next to her in Addy's usual spot. Polly sat on Toni's usual seat on the other side of Nana. Dagwood sat beside Polly, Juniper next to him, and Addyson across from her.

The doorbell rings and Addy jumps up before anyone else can. "I'll get it!"

She runs for the door, Polly getting up to follow. Addyson swings the door open. "Auntie Betty!"

"Hey, munchkin!" Betty picks her up. "Are we late?"

"No! We're just about to eat."

"Perfect timing then," Jughead jokes, coming in behind her. Betty passes Addyson to Jughead so she can hug her sister.

"Hey, Bets." The two sisters hug, then Polly gives her brother-in-law a one arm hug. The trio head to the dining room. Jughead puts Addy down and the twins jump up to hug their aunt and uncle.

"Auntie Betty, sit next to me!" Addyson pats the seat beside her.

"No, sit next to _me!"_  Juniper pulls the chair beside her out.

"How about I sit between you?" Betty asks.

"There's no room," Addyson pouts, pointing to the fact there's only one chair left beside each of them.

"Well...I'll sit on the end."

Addyson jumps over a seat, pulling on Toni's hand to get her to move over one, too. "Mama, sit next to me."

"Oh, okay."

So Betty ended up at the end, Juniper on one side was Addyson, Toni, an empty spot then Cheryl who was too exhausted to move, then at the end was Nana. And on the other side was Juniper, Jughead, Dagwood, and Polly.

"Oh. Hi, Toni. Hi, Cheryl," Jughead says awkwardly once the chaos is over.

"Hey Jug."

"Hello, King Hobo," Cheryl says, the corner of her mouth turning upward into a smirk.

Jughead laughs, pulling the beanie off his head. "Guess I earned that. Glad to see some things never change. Though, little humans-don't take after your mother slash aunt. She's the only one who's allowed to call me Hobo, and only because she's been calling me that since we were like nine and refuses to stop fourteen years later."

"Okie dokie, Uncle Juggy."

"Why is your name Jughead? Your head isn't shaped like a milk jug." Addyson asks.

He chokes on his water as the entire table erupts into laughter. "Jesus, kid. You're as blunt as your mothers."

"What does _ blunt_ mean?"

"You have no filter."

"What does _that_  mean?"

He looks to Toni for help, but she's too busy laughing to save him. He turns to Cheryl who's in the same predicament. "Uh...it means you say things without thinking about it first."

"Oh. Yeah, I do that! Is that your _real_  name?"

"No."

"Then what is it?"

"I'm not telling you. You'll laugh at me."

"I _won't._ Pinkie promise."

"Pinkie promise?"

"Pinkie promise is a solid oath. Remember that for when you have a kid too, cause it is the most sacred promise in the world." She holds her hand out, pinkie sticking up. "I solemnly swear I will not laugh at you. And if Juni or Daggy laugh at you, I solemnly swear I will never talk to them for the rest of my life."

At that, Juniper immediately holds her finger out to him. She shoots her twin a look and he reluctantly holds his out. After giving odd looks to the parents, he hooks his pinkie to each of theirs.

"It's Forsythe...the _third._"

"That's a pretty name, though," Addyson says.

"That's the problem-I'm a _boy_ , not a girl. Hey, do you know what your mom's name is?"

"Which one?"

He chuckles and points to Toni. "Yeah, but I'm not s'posed to say their real names. She's Mama, and she's Mommy."

"Humor me, what's her name?"

She looks at Toni, who frowns but nods. "Toni, with an i, not a y."

"Do you know _her  _real name?"

"Don't you _dare_ ," Toni warns and Cheryl covers her mouth to hide her shit eating grin.

"Tell me!" Addyson claps.

_"Antoinette_."

"Forsythe Pendleton Jones III, you're a dead man!" Toni says and Cheryl puts a hand on her shoulder.

"Ooh, you got the full name, you're in trouble!" Addy sings.

"Addyson Roseanne Blossom-Topaz," Toni says, but the sparkle in her eye shows she's not actually mad at either of them.

"Ooh, you got the full name too, Addyson."

"Jughead," Cheryl says, giving him a look. "Don't egg her on."

"She started it!"

"I'm six and cute, you're old and not."

"I'm the same age as your mothers!"

"Yeah, but _they're_  not old."

"How does that even make sense?" He asks, but he joins into the laughter.

"She's six, she doesn't have to make sense, Jug," Betty laughs, reaching over and tousling red curls.

"Right," he chuckles. "Can we eat now, please?”

"Yes, I'm _starved_. Eating for three here,” Cheryl laughs, pulling over a dish. Betty, Toni and Polly help serve the children and Cheryl assists Nana Rose. Once Nana and the children have their food, the other adults all serve themselves.

"I have an idea," Polly says, cutting Dagwood's turkey into even smaller pieces. "We always do this at home for Thanksgiving. How about we all go around the table and list three things we're grateful for?" There's nods and hums of agreement.

"I wanna go first!" Juniper says.

"Alright, it'll go you, then Auntie Betty, Addy, Auntie Toni, Auntie Cher, Nana Rose, me, Dags, then Uncle Jug."

"Kay. So...one, I'm grateful for my Mommy and my twin brother. Two, I'm grateful for my Aunties and Addy and my other cousins. Three, I'm grateful for my boyfriend."

_"What_ boyfriend?" Polly and Cheryl ask at the same time. Juniper just giggles.

"Guess it's my turn. I'm grateful for my wonderful, supportive husband. For all of you-my family be it my sister, my mother who unfortunately couldn't make it, my dear cousins, and my nieces and nephew and nieces and nephews to be. And lastly, I'm grateful that I'll finally be a mother in five months because we got chosen by someone yesterday!"

"Oh my god, Betty!" Cheryl says, and everyone else has a similar reaction. "I'd hug you if I were able to get up easily."

"That's okay, I'll go to you," Betty gets up, glowing with the biggest smile. It had been hard to hold it in, but she wanted to tell everyone at once. She leans down, hugging Cheryl tightly. Toni gets up and reaches for her, the two hugging it out once she's straightened from hugging her cousin. She moves around the table to hug her sister.

"I'm so happy for you, Bets," Polly says.

"Thank you, Polly. Thank you, everyone."

"My turn?" Addyson asks, bouncing in her seat.

"Your turn, baby."

"Okay! So, I'm grateful for having the best parents in the entire world-no, the entire _universe_. And I'm grateful for all my family, especially my sister and the babies in Mommy's belly, and the best cousins in the world, and the best aunties and uncles in the world, and the bestest Nana in the world. And I'm grateful for...I don't know. I guess I'm grateful for my life-this house and my school and all the toys I have and the center and Mama's police station and all the vacations and all the days at the park. And that's it."

"I don't think I can top that," Toni laughs and there's a collective chuckle, "But I'm grateful for my best friend and wife who is the most important person in the world to me, and my beautiful daughters and my daughter and son to be. I'm grateful for all of you here, and those who couldn't make it-we're kidnapping Fangs and Kevin and forcing them here for a family Christmas dinner by the way, guys-and I'll take a page from Addy's book and say I'm grateful for my life. My home, my family and friends and job, the opportunities I have that as a child I could only dream of having. Okay, babe. Your turn."

Cheryl smiles. "I am grateful, and forever thankful for each and everyone of you. TT, my rock who puts up with me no matter what. Who stood by my side ever since that night at the theater. The first person I openly came out to, the first friend to stand up to my mother for me, the person who rescued me time and time again. Nana, for taking care of me all these years, for giving me and _our_  family a home. Betty, for being my best friend and always being there, along with Jughead. Polly, for helping me prepare for parenthood and taking Addy whenever I need you to. For Ellie, despite not being here, for being here nonstop for years and taking such great care of Nana and Addy. For Dags and Bug, for being there before you realized you were, for always making us and my little girl happy. And you, Addyson, who I will always be grateful for. I'm so grateful that you are my daughter, and that you always will be. Pretty sure that went over three."

"Pretty sure you just made everyone cry, too," Polly chuckles.

The rest of them took their turns. Then they all talked happily amongst each other as they ate the meal that _"you people better enjoy, because me, Toni and Cheryl spent all afternoon making it a delicious homemade dinner for you all._ "Polly held a conversation with Nana and Cheryl. Dagwood kept asking Jughead a million questions and the serpent was more than happy to answer-practice for the future he told himself. Juniper gave Betty her undivided attention, while Addyson kept going back forth between talking with Juniper and Betty and demanding Toni's attention. Toni thus had her attention divided between her daughter and her wife.

The group all stayed after dinner, finding themselves in the living room watching _Turkey Hollow_. On the bigger couch was Cheryl and Toni snuggled together, Addyson laying across her parents laps. Beside them on the couch was Betty and Jughead, Aivah snuggled up in Betty's arms. On the loveseat was Polly with the twins on either side of her. Nana's wheelchair was pulled in between the sofas. The movie, besides a few jump scares for the children, had the whole family laughing. Addyson had decided after watching it, _"what the fridge"_  was her favorite saying much to her parents dismay.

Polly left shortly after the movie ended, to get the kids to bed since it was over an hour past their bedtime. Addyson had passed out on top of her mothers the moment the credits rolled on the movie.

"Betty, Jughead, can we ask you a question?" Toni asks quietly when the couple was getting ready to head out.

"Go for it," Jughead says.

"Would you two consider taking Addy and Aivah for a day or two when Cheryl goes into labor? They've both really taken a liking to you tonight."

Betty's face breaks out in a smile. "I'd be honored to take them. Oh, and if you guys need me to take them for an afternoon or a weekend before or after, I'd be happy to as well."

"Wanting to get practice, huh?" Cheryl asks.

"Is it really that obvious?"

"Don't worry, dear cousin. I was the same when I was pregnant with Addy. I was always borrowing Juni from your sister. It's okay to want practice with kids, and to be nervous. But you'll be wonderful parents. You're the most kind, level headed person I know. Jughead, you'll do good, too. I saw you with Dag at dinner, listening to every word."

They smile at them Jughead offers to carry Addyson to her room, and Betty offers to change Aivah then bring her to bed.

Shortly, both girls are asleep in their room, Betty and Jughead bid their goodbyes and leave, and Cheryl and Toni find themselves cuddling in bed, happier than they've been in a long while.

**_Every time you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place! Cause when push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of! You might bend til you break, cause it's all you can take. On your knees, you look up, decide you've had enough. You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off, then you stand!_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did this somewhere back on "How Do You Feel?"  
> I do my best to respond to any comments, but if anyone wants to talk about the story or such, no idea if it's possible and if it is how to message on here, so best way to message is on www.instagram.com/sam_and_rubyred/


	15. Darkside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for this chapter.

**_We're not alone, we share no stories. Just something in your eyes. Don't be afraid, the shadows know me. Let's leave the world behind! Take me through the night, fall into the darkside! We don't need the light, we'll live on the darkside. I see, let's feel it while we're still young and fearless! Let go of the light, fall into the darkside. _ **

It had been over six years since Cheryl had been across the river to Greendale, but she knew the roads by heart. Spending five months making the trip twice a week, then another three going once a week had engraved the route in her brain. Although unlike all the other times, this time it was her wife driving. Cheryl was a nervous wreck, but she knew she needed this. She was struggling to hold it all together, and they only had two kids. What would happen once they had two more children and a puppy-god, why did she  ever bring up having a puppy? How the hell would they handle children  _ and _ training a stupid mutt? She remembered how difficult it was raising Addy-sure, she was only eighteen at the time, but despite them being adults, this was three newborns on top of the now six year old.

Toni drove peacefully, not knowing the war inside her wife's head. She pulled into the parking lot of the office building, Cheryl insisting on a certain parking spot that was, much to the redhead's relief, available. Toni exits the car and helps Cheryl out.

"I'm not going to last much longer, TT. They want to come out soon, I can feel it."

"Four to six more weeks, babe.  _ Four to six more weeks _ ." It was a mantra to the other girl, something she said over and over. She wasn't ready to have them in the world yet. She wanted just one more month to prepare. Just one more month of  _ normal _ _._ She had more than adjusted to Aivah, they had a routine, a normal life. Mothers to a little girl and a newborn. But adding two more to the mix? Goodbye, sleep. Goodbye, routine. Goodbye, normal. Toni knew it was selfish-she was the one who had pleaded with Cheryl to have another baby, she was the one who initially wanted another child. Cheryl had been content with just Addyson, but Toni always wanted a big family, just not all at  once . Toni didn't want to carry a child herself, and the redhead wasn't sure she wanted to go through it all again. But in the end, Cheryl had agreed to try to get pregnant. They wanted  _ one _ more, for now at least. So how did one more turn to  _ four?  _

"I'm thinking more like four to six more days," Cheryl says.

"No. Weeks, Cheryl.  _ Weeks _ ." 

Cheryl sighs and the two go into the office. Cheryl leads Toni to the elevator. She hits the button to the floor they needed. "You know I can't hold them in if they want to come. Believe me, I tried that the first time around."

"I know, but they need to get big and strong still, and we need time to prepare."

"We're prepared, babe. We have the nursery ready. Both cribs, both car seats, all the clothes and toys. Everything a baby could possibly need. As for big and strong,  _ no _ . They can _shrink_. They're already huge, you don't understand but it  _ hurt _ when Addy came. This is gonna hurt twice as bad." She was all but whining. 

Toni ignores the _you don't understand_ comment and puts an arm around her. "You've got this, Cher."

"You try getting your vagina torn apart giving birth to little spawns and then see if you'll say that I've 'got this.'"

"Ha. Yeah, no more babies. I draw the line."

"Agreed, cause I'm never doing this again. Twenty four with four little monsters."

" _ Cute _ little monsters."

"Yeah, that's why Addy's lasted this long."

Toni laughs. The elevator dings and the couple walks out into the lobby. "Sit, I'll sign you in." Cheryl sits, absentmindedly grabbing a magazine. _Mother & Baby_. She chuckles, shaking her head. _Deja vu_ , she thinks. Toni sits beside her. "What's that?"

Cheryl hands her the magazine. "Mother & Baby? Fitting." 

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"I was here the day I had realized I was pregnant with Addy, and one of the issues of the magazines was here. It was like a slap in the face, I almost started crying right here in this very chair. Now, the sight of a cover with a baby makes me so happy. It's just...so much has changed these past seven years."

"Changed for the better." She looks at how Cheryl wrings her hands over her stomach anxiously. "Do you want me to go in with you, Cher?"

Cheryl shakes her head quickly. _"No._ If I bring you in, I'll let you do all the talking and Dr. Peterson won't hear a peep out of me. I need to do this alone."

"If you're sure..." Toni says doubtfully. Cheryl had declined her offer too fast, and Toni couldn't help but worry her reason wasn't true. She worried her wife didn't want her in there because she was hiding something. 

"I am." 

"Mrs. Blossom-Topaz, Dr. Peterson is ready for you."

Cheryl gives Toni a tight-lipped smile and gets up. She walks through the door, down the familiar hallway. Same grey carpet, same white walls, same ugly paintings. She drew in a steadying breathe before knocking on the door. She turns the handle when she gets the call of  "come in."

XX Underneath the sky it's black as diamonds. We're running out of time. Don't wait for truth to come and blind us, let's just believe the lies. Believe it, I see it, I know that you can feel it! No secrets worth keeping, so fool me like I'm dreaming. Take me through the night, fall into the darkside! We don't need the light, we'll live on the darkside! I see, let's feel it while we're still young and fearless! Let go of the light, fall into the darkside. XX

"Cheryl, it's been a while- _ oh _ . This I did not expect."

"Deja vu?" The redhead laughs, rubbing a hand down her stomach. Dr. Peterson ushers to sit and she happily obliges. 

"Is second pregnancy what made you make your first appointment in seven years?" 

"Second pregnancy, but these are children number three and four."

Dr. Peterson raises an eyebrow, removing her reading glasses. "I think we should start by you catching me up to date. I never saw you after you had your first child, you kind of disappeared on me the second you reached your mandatory amount of sessions. I take it you did keep her?"

Cheryl chuckles. "I did. Her name is Addyson and she's six and a half-she  _ never _ let's anyone forget the half. I went into labor for her on my wedding night actually. Had a newborn in senior year of high school, raised a toddler into pre-school during my college years, and now have an elementary schooler while running a business. We adopted a newborn exactly three weeks ago when we were on vacation in California. Found that baby in a dumpster actually, her name is Aivah. And currently thirty-four weeks pregnant with twins, one boy and one girl."

"Okay, so you've had a lot going on. So now tell me the reason for this appointment." 

"Not sure I can narrow it down."

"The list them and we'll tackle them one by one."

"I lost my closest friends, I almost ended up dead because a panic attack that set the babies into fetal distress which almost shut my body down, said panic attacks keep occurring and I have to use my six year old to stop them, and I'm talking to my mother again via e-mails and I've been hiding it from my wife for months."

Dr. Peterson stares for a moment, blinking. Then, "That is X a lot for me to unpack. Let's start with the worst, which would be the panic attacks, I assume? Is there a trigger that sets them off? Anything related between them?"

"Yelling."

" _Yelling_ _._ Like loud noises or yelling in general or angry yelling...?"

"Angry yelling. It doesn't even have to be directed at me. Loud, angry voices occur and suddenly...I'm not here anymore." She looks down, fiddling with her fingers.

"When you're having a panic attack, what are your symptoms?"

"Um...like a muffled, underwater sound. And I get dizzy and sometimes nauseous. And my chest. It's like my heart is constricting and I can't breathe and it terrifies me. I, um, if I catch it early I do the techniques you taught me. List things I hear, things I see. It usually helps. But, um, physical contact helps best. Having an anchor."

"And did this start before or after you started corresponding with your mother again?"

She pauses, thinking. "Before...I've always been able to hide and stop it, but then the hospital visit occurred, and now Toni's so attentive to my every move."

"For now, until we get a hold on it, I want you to stay with someone at all times. A buddy system, per say. Someone who knows your symptoms and triggers, who can get you away from anything triggering immediately and would be a good anchor as you called it. Do you have anyone outside of your daughter and wife who can provide that? It's always safest to have backups."

"There's my cousins, Betty and Polly. And one of my closest friends, Ellie."

"Good. I want to revisit this after you give birth and talk about options of medications that may help. Also, I think we should address the topic of your mother."

Cheryl wordlessly pulls a stack of folded papers out of her pocket, offering it to Dr. Peterson. She unfolds the papers to reveal e-mails. "Are you giving me permission to read these?"

"Yes," Cheryl nods. 

Dr. Peterson puts her glasses back on. She makes a few hums, a few times her brow furrowing. After what felt like forever, she refolds the papers and hands them back to her.

" _ Well _ . Even  _ more _ to unpack. I hope you intend to continue with sessions, weekly if possible until you are closer to your delivery, and then picking back up after you've recovered and adjusted enough to the twins?"

Cheryl nods. "I plan on it."

"Have you seen you mother in person?"

"No," she shakes her head. 

"Alright, I'm giving you homework. I want you to tell Toni-even better, share these emails with her. I believe holding in these feelings and hiding these letters are greatly contributing to your anxiety and stress levels. I am not forcing you to, but I am highly suggest it."

Cheryl nods, sighing. She figured this would be the answer.

"Our time is about up. Do you want to schedule another session?"

"Would same day and time next week work?" Cheryl asks and Dr. Peterson hums, checking her schedule. 

"Yes. I will see you next Monday at three."

"Thank you," Cheryl says, getting up. Dr. Peterson follows her out, walking her to the lobby. Toni rises the moment she sees them and walks over, a hand going to Cheryl's back.

"Everything go okay?" She asks Cheryl and the redhead gives her a small smile.

"It did, TT."

Cheryl looks once more at Dr. Peterson as Toni begins to lead her away. She gives the redhead a reassuring smile.

"You're so tense, babe," Toni says as they reach the car. She assists Cheryl in getting in before getting into the driver's seat.

"I have something important to talk to you once we get home," Cheryl blurts out before she loses the nerve. There's a tense silence between them for the drive home, until halfway through Toni turns the radio on. They pull into the driveway, Toni parking the car. They get out and head inside. They find Addyson and Ellie in the living room, tray tables pulled up to the couch as they colored, watching TV at the same time.

"Mommy, Mama!" Addyson shouts, seeing them.

"Were you good for Auntie Ellie?" Cheryl asks.

"I was," she gives them a toothy grin.

"She was a sassy little thing, but she was good. We had a fun afternoon, didn't we, Ads?"

"Yeah," she giggles. "We're gonna make spaghetti and meatballs for dinner! If that's okay with you, Mommy."

"I think my stomach can handle that," Cheryl gives her a soft smile reserved only for her wife and daughters. 

"Great!" She bounces in her seat. "What bout you, Mama? You okay with spaghetti? Can your belly handle it?"

Toni chuckles. "I'm sure it can, baby. I gotta talk with Mommy upstairs, so why don't you go back to coloring with Auntie Ellie until it's time for you to make dinner?"

"Okay," she sighs. 

"Thanks, El," Toni says, leading Cheryl to the stairs. They ascend slowly, going to their room. Cheryl perches on the edge of the bed as Toni shuts the door, turning to her. "Babe? What's wrong?"

Cheryl tears up, curing herself. "I, um...I've been hiding something from you. From everyone. I'm sorry, I'm  so sorry." 

"Cher?" She puts an arm around her, wincing as she flinches. "Babe, what is it?"

"My  _ mother, _ she was released form prison beginning of summer," she sobs.

"I know, baby. You told me."

"I've been talking to her. Not...I haven't  _ seen _ her, but I-I've been e-mailing her. And...and I've called her." She chances a look at Toni, concern written on her face. There's a hint of disappointment in there, too. She pulls the papers out of her pocket, handing to her wife. "That's every e-mail we've sent back and forth. Toni? Are you angry?"

"No."

"You look angry. It's okay if you are, I really screwed up this time."

"I'm just...disappointed, Cher. Maybe a little angry, but mostly disappointed. Not that you're talking to her, but that you didn't tell me. You always tell me  _ everything _ . God, why  _ didn't _ you?"

"I don't  _ know _ _._ I didn't want you upset. But hiding it just made you be so much more upset. I was scared and I hide things when I'm scared. I can't...I don't..."

"Breathe. Give me a moment to process this, Cher." Cheryl nods and shrinks away. Toni grabs her arm gently and pulls her back, an arm firmly around her. She presses a kiss to her hairline. "No matter if I'm angry or disappointed or not, I _love_ you, Cheryl. I love you, so much. You don't need to hide anything from me.  _ Nothing _ . Nothing  at all .  _ Ever _ ."

"Always?"

"Always."

"I'll always love you, too." Cheryl buries her face in the crook of her neck as Toni unfolds the papers to read.

**_ Take me through the night, fall into the darkside! We don't need the light, we'll live on the darkside. I see, let's feel it while we're still young and fearless! Let go of the light, fall into the darkside.  _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone comments complaining that Toni should have been mad/she's suppressing her feelings, this is NOT the end of the conversation and next chapter she WILL say her true feelings about the situation.


	16. Letters

_**For a month it had been like this: not a note, not a kiss. So long, we've been drowning here. No SOS appeared. I know you're trying to save me from falling over you. I know you're trying to save me, but I'm already bruised. If the worst part is the best that you've got, then I'll take it! If you're haunted by all that you're not, then I'll show you just who you are.** _

 

_ June 5, 2025 _

_ Cheryl, _

_ Thank you for your letter. You cannot begin to fathom how much it means to me that you have reached out. Although I am no longer imprisoned, I do not expect you to just allow me back into your lives again after all these years and our past. I would like you to know that the past six years in that prison has given lots of time to rethink my actions in the past, and I would like a second chance if you're willing. The fact that you gave me your e-mail in your last letter gives me hope for a future.  _

_ -Penelope _

_ ........................................ _

_ June 10, 2025 _

_ Mother, _

_ I am glad you are no longer imprisoned. I would like some time to consider what this will mean to me and my family. Please give me the time. _

_ -Cheryl _

_ ......................................... _

_ June 10, 2025 _

_ Cheryl, _

_ I understand. This is a lot to process. I will refrain from e-mailing you until you give permission ton continue. _

_ I look forward to hearing back from you, if you decide to. _

_ -Penelope _

_ .......................................... _

_ June 29, 2025 _

_ Mother, _

_ I greatly appreciate that you refrained from e-mailing me until I reached out once again. Things have been quite a bit overwhelming for me lately, and I've had a lot on my plate so I am sorry it took so long.  _

_ Six year olds are a lot of work. Even more so when being pregnant. I'm not sure why I'm even telling you this. _

_ I'm five weeks along, we told our six year old a week ago. She's very excited to be a big sister. I was expecting her possibly being upset or jealous, but she's so far just excited.  _

_ She's the most amazing child in the world. She's a typical kid. Has an attitude, throws tantrums, makes messes. But she's special. She takes everything in stride and has the biggest heart. I think she's spoiled us, she's so easy-going and we're trying hard not to have high expectation for baby number two. But we can do it, I know we can.  _

_ We're due for a trip to the aquarium next weekend, three kids versus all us parents. We'll see who comes out alive. _

_ -Cheryl.  _

_ ........................................ _

_July 3, 2025_

_ Cheryl, _

_ I just wanted to wish you luck on your trip to the aquarium, and a happy fourth. I'll be away tomorrow for the holiday, so wishing you it now.  _

_ -Penelope  _

_ ......................................... _

_ July 8, 2025 _

_ Mother,  _

_ Well everyone made it out of the aquarium alive. It was a good day, actually. All three kids behaved.  _

_ My daughter has some odd fascination with sharks and that's all she talked about. She even had the opportunity to touch one. She was a very happy kid today. Thank you for the luck, I think it helped.  _

_ -Cheryl _

_ .......................................... _

_ July 11, 2025 _

_ Cheryl, _

_ That's not surprising, considering how fascinated you were at sea life as a child. That fascination turned to fear although, when your father threw you in the deep end of the pool one day in his own way of teaching you to swim. _

_ I'm sorry if bringing that up made things difficult. _

_ I'm not good at this, but I'm trying to say you had that in common with her. _

_ -Mother _

_ ........................................... _

_ July 12, 2025 _

_ Mother,  _

_ Don't worry, I'm pretty good with difficult memories. I remember that one vividly, actually. _

_ -Cheryl _

_ ............................................. _

_ July 15, 2025 _

_ Cheryl, _

_ I'm not sure if you are ready for this, as you seem distant in your messages. But my number is 917-868-3553.  _

_ I don't expect you to call anytime soon, but just so you have it.  _

_ -Mother _

_ ............................................. _

_ July 20, 2025 _

_ Cheryl, _

_ I know I told you on the phone, but I am so happy that you called me. It was good to hear your voice again.  _

_ -Mother  _

_ .............................................. _

_September 1, 2025_

_ Cheryl, I haven't heard from you in several days, you haven't been answering your phone. I'm just checking to see if you are alright? _

_ -Mother _

_ ................................................ _

_ September 5, 2025 _

_ Cheryl,  _

_ I'm beginning to become really worried. If you are ignoring me for some reason, can you please just send me a text or e-mail to let me know you are okay? _

_ -Mother _

_ .................................................. _

_ September 11, 2025 _

_ Mother, _

_ I am okay. I just spent the past two weeks in the hospital, but I am okay now. I would call, but it hurts too much to talk. Fetal distress mixed with a nasty panic attack. Thank you for your concern. You don't have to worry, Toni is taking great care of me, as always. _

_ -Cheryl  _

_ .................................................. _

_ November 6, 2025  _

_ Mother, _

_ I'm heading on a vacation with Toni for a week, so I won't be available to e-mail you or speak on the phone until I return, we've agreed that we aren't going to be answering any calls or messages on our stay unless it's an emergency or our daughter.  _

_ -Cheryl _

**_Every night, I can see the change. Just a glance, then you're on your way. So cold, cold November skies, you're drowning in the night. I _ ** **_know you're trying to save me from falling over you. I know you're trying to save me, but I'm already bruised. If the worst part is the best that you've got, then I'll take it! If you're haunted by all that you're not, then I'll show you just who you are._  **

"So, this has been going on since you found out you were pregnant with the twins?" Toni asks. What terrifies Cheryl is that her wife's voice lacked emotion. She would take anger over this. 

Cheryl nods numbly, wiping her cheeks. "I-I'm sorry."

Toni puts a hand on her shoulder, sighing. "And what, you didn't trust me?"

"N-no, it's not-"

"Then what was it, huh? You told me it was that you were afraid to make me angry, but jesus, Cheryl! Your mother is the embodiment of the anti Christ!" She sighs again. "I'm sorry."

"You can yell, just get it out. I'm not going to get set off," Cheryl mumbles. 

"Oh, you want to hear what I want to say now? You're magically okay now, but aren't all the other times I'm frustrated?"

Cheryl flinches, not saying anything. 

Toni stands up, moving away from her wife. "Trust, Cheryl! We're _married_ , we're a team! I love you Cheryl, but sometimes you just don't think! You disregard _everything_ sometimes. I'm supposed to protect you, so how the hell do I do that when you're talking to the fucking woman who's been abusing you since the day you were born?! What about Addyson and Aivah, do you seriously want to let her into their lives? Do I even _get_ a say about this? Huh? This is the part where you say something something, Cheryl!"

"I-I-" She looks at her with a anxious look, not sure what to say. 

"Sh..." She strokes her tear soaked cheeks. "You don't need to speak." She sits back beside her. "Okay. I know I said I wasn't really angry earlier, but I am. I just wish you'd _trust_ me, Cher. I wish you weren't so afraid to tell me things. Your _mother,_ babe, she's the reason you're so scared to say things sometimes. She's the reason you have trust issues. So why are you talking with her?"

"I just...I don't know, TT," she sobs. "I don't..."

"Cheryl, take your time. But I _need_ you to talk to me. Today."

"Addy's kindergarten graduation..."

"What about it?"

"All-all her friends had their families, and she asked-"

"Why she didn't have any grandparents," Toni answers for her with a groan.

"I couldn't-I couldn't help b-but start thinking, then I got the letter she was released, and...and I responded, and it just happened and by the time I realized it, I was starting to hope that maybe she did change. But I'm so terrified she _hasn't._ " 

"You should have told me, you've been just bottling this all up and making yourself worse."

"I'm sorry, Toni."

"You have to promise me, Cheryl. Promise me no more secrets."

Cheryl nods.

"Say it."

"I p-promise, TT."

"Thank you," she sighs. "I need a breather, Cher."

Cheryl wipes at her cheeks. "I-I can stay with Polly for a while if you need space-"

"No. No, no, no. Not like that. As much as I appreciate you being so willing to give me space, I don't want to be apart from you. I'm going to call Betty, see if she wants to come over to stay with you and I can take the kids to the park for a few hours. We both need a few hours to calm down."

"Bring Betty with you, I'm fine here with Ellie."

"Are you sure?"

Cheryl nods. "You need someone with you, too. Betty loves the kids and will be good company."

"Okay," she sniffs and nods, pressing a gentle kiss to Cheryl's lips. She gets up. "Okay, I'll go update Ellie and give Betty a call."

"Okay..."

......................................................

"Higher!" Addyson yells, giggling. 

Betty laughs and pushes the swing again. "Don't you know how to swing yourself?"

"I've known how to since I was like four!"

"So why am I pushing you, silly?"

"Cause!"

Toni sits on the bench with a smile on her face, watching Betty and her daughter laughing. She wraps the blanket tighter around Aivah. It was a mild afternoon for early December in Riverdale, but there was still a chill in the air. She had bundled little Aivah up in fuzzy pajamas, ones that had the hand covers. The baby had a purple hat covering her head, and her blanket wrapped snuggly around her. 

"Looks like Auntie Betty and your sissy are having a lot of fun, huh, princess?" She smiles down at the baby, who has a huge smile on her little face. Her eyes sparkle as she looks up at Toni. "You're the cutest thing ever, aren't you?" She lifts the baby up, keeping her head from rolling, kissing her cheeks. The action ears her a squeal of delight from Aivah. Toni's face breaks into a huge smile at the giggle. 

Her peaceful moment is interrupted by a familiar voice behind her. "Toni."

"What do you want, Veronica?"

The raven haired girl walks around the bench to stand in front of her. "Keeping my distance, honest. I was just going for a walk and saw you sitting here. I was going to give this to Betty, but...here." She pulls an envelope out of her coat pocket, offering it out. "Can you give this to Cher? There's nothing that will set her off or anything, I promise. You can read it before you give it to her if you need to."

Toni takes it, nodding stiffly. 

"Can I...can I speak with Addy for a moment? Please? You can call her over here if that makes you more comfortable."

"Well, that's up to Addy. Betty!" She motions her friend-or was she her cousin, since she was her wife's cousin?-over. Betty gives Addy one more push before jogging over. 

"Hey, V," she gives her best friend a hug. "What is it, Toni?"

"Can you ask Addy if she would like to talk to Veronica briefly? Tell her she doesn't have to, but she may."

"Thank you," Veronica breathes once Betty jogs back over to the child.

"Don't thank me. I'm only even allowing it for Addy's sake. I'm sure Sweet Pea has talked with you about everything we've told him?"

"Space, you want space. And you haven't forgiven him. It's not all on him, Toni. Don't be so mad at him. I-I'm the one who mentioned spanking her. I didn't tell him to, but I might as well have. I didn't stop him either, so I'm just as guilty. I feel _awful,_ and I shouldn't have allowed that to happen. It's just as much on me as him."

"No matter what you said or didn't say, he's still the one who did it. He didn't have to lay a hand on that child, but he _did_. But, I do appreciate you telling me this, for admitting you were wrong and apologizing. It's ten times more than we got from him."

Veronica purses her lips. She was confused-as far as she knew, he went and apologized and was asked space. So what did Toni mean when she said she didn't get anything from him?

Addyson runs over. "Auntie Ronnie!" Unlike with Sweet Pea, Addy had no reservations towards her aunt. She runs into her legs, hugging her tightly. "I missed you."

Ronnie sits on the other side of the bench so she was closer to her niece's eye level. "Hey, Little Goose. I know, I missed you, too. But we just need some time apart, honey. We weren't very nice to you when your mom's were away, so your Mama and Mommy need some time to get over being angry and me and Uncle Pea need time to think about what we did. It's like a time out, me and Uncle Pea are on time out from being around for a little while, just for a little while. We kind of broke a pinkie promise to your Mommy and Mama, so they are very upset, and they should be. Cause you got hurt and were really sad, too." She tucks a red curl that escaped Addy's ponytail behind her ear. "I wanted to say how sorry I am, Ads. I didn't do anything when Uncle Pea was mean and I should have."

"It's okay," Addy shrugs. "You said sorry. So I forgive you," she grabs her aunt into another hug. Veronica presses a kiss to the top of her head. 

"I gotta get back home, sweetie."

"Okay," Addy sighs.

"I'll talk to Mommy when we go home and maybe you can call Auntie Ronnie before bed," Toni offers reluctantly. She wasn't as angry at Veronica as she was at her husband, and she seemed genuinely apologetic unlike her husband, so she would be willing for some wiggle room with space-in the form of strictly phone calls and possibly video chat. 

"Okay," that perked Addy up. Addy knew that her mother almost never said no to her as long as she asked nicely and gave her best puppy eyes. She grabs Betty's hand and pulls her back to the swings. 

Veronica gives a grateful smile. "The baby is beautiful, by the way." She walks away, Toni's eyes following her. 

Once she's out of sight, Toni turns her attention back to Aivah. "Where's that pretty smile?" she asks in an excited voice. Aivah’s face lights up and she giggles. "There it is, baby! You and your sissy have the prettiest smiles ever, yes you do."

She never understood how Cheryl spent hours just staring and baby talking with Addy as a newborn. But now, oh now she fully understood. Because all she wanted to do was sit there and stare into sparkling baby blues and see that contagious smile forever.

**_ I know you're trying to save me, but I'm already bruised. If the worst part is the best that you've got, then I'll take it! If you're haunted by all that you're not, then I'll show you just who you are. And we'll drown together in this cold November sky. If you're haunted by all that you aren't, then I'll show you...  _ **


	17. Down the Rabbit Hole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is just a filler chapter.  
> I'm not on hiatus or writer's block-but updates will be slower than usual. I started a new job and haven't had a lot to write. But I have lots of plans for upcoming chapters.

_**And when you're needing your space to do some navigating, I'll be here patiently waiting to see what you find. Cause even the stars, they burn! Some even fall to the earth! We've got a lot to learn, but god knows we're worth it. I won't give up.** _

"I'm not supposed to be here," Addyson says, slumping against the elevator wall. 

Cheryl sighs, leaning against the wall and adjusts her grip on the carseat. "I know, you're supposed to be in _school_. But you're not, because some people can't teach their children how to be respectful."

"You couldda let me stay in school. They suspended him, so it's _fine_. Now you gotta bring me to your head doctor."

"I expected your Mama to take you and Aivah, but she can't because she isn't feeling so good."

"Is she sick?"

"No, not sick. I don't think so anyways. She just has a really, really bad headache today and Aivah's crying made it so much worse. And it's too last minute to cancel. So, Dr. Peterson can talk around you two today. Aivah's sleeping anyways, and we've got your tablet, headset, charger, a quiet snack and drink. So we'll be okay."

The elevator opens and Cheryl walks out to the lobby. Addy trails behind her. She signs herself in and goes to sit. She pauses, sighing loudly. "You have to be fucking kidd-"

"Mommy!" Addyson says. "Swear jar!"

"Excuse me?"

"Leila, she's my best school friend, her family has a swear jar and everytime someone swears they have to put a dollar in the jar for her and her siblings to share as spending money on top of allowances. I wanna do that."

"Good luck with that." She turns away. "What are _you_ doing here?"

Sweet Pea glances at them and sighs. Last thing he wanted was to see his former friend. "Ronnie told me that if I didn't go talk to a shrink, she would leave me. So here I am. I think it's pointless, but whatever."

"Why _here?"_

"This is the best place to get 'professional help,' Bombshell."

"Don't call me that." She takes Addy's hand and leads her as far away as she can. She sits, eyeing Sweet Pea from across the room with anger flowing through her veins. Of course, it was just her luck. Sweet Pea got up and moved closer. 

"Look, Cher. I'm sorry, for _everything._ I really am. I screwed up, I'm an ass. You don't trust me, I get it. And I'm giving you space, I'm _trying_ to. But we've been through so much these past almost eight years. _So much_. I know that hurting your kid kind of takes away from that, but is it really erasing _eight years_ of relationship?"

Her face softens, slightly. She hadn't thought about that, about anything beyond that her baby had gotten hurt by a person she trusted the most. She didn't believe she was being too harsh or unfair. She _wasn't_. _Was she?_ Before she could even think or a response, she was called in. She cast one last look at Sweet Pea as she got up, picking the carseat up and taking Addy's hand. She headed to the office, Addy skipping beside her.

"Will your doctor be mad you brought me and Aiv?"

"She won't. She's a really nice lady. Now, I want you to be on good behavior, okay?"

"I _always_ am, Mommy."

"I know, baby." Cheryl knocks on the door and opens it when she gets the "come in." She holds it open and Addyson goes in front of her. "I brought company," she announces, seeing the slightly confused look on Dr. Peterson's face. Addyson gives her the best smile she has. Cheryl sits on the couch, putting the car seat on the floor in front of her. Addy settles beside her.

"Hi! I'm Addy."

Dr. Peterson gives her a soft smile. "I'm Dr. Peterson, I've heard a lot about you, Miss Addy." She looks to Cheryl, who was handing Addyson her tablet, for an explanation.

"There was an incident at school so Addy came home early and Toni isn't feeling too well so I have them both. This happened not even a half hour before I had to head out, figured it was too late to call out."

"Is she _actually_ unwell?"

"Killer migraine. Stress, I think." 

"Did you tell her?"

Cheryl sighs heavily. "I _did._ "

"How did it go?" Cheryl glances at Addyson. "That bad?"

"They yelled a lot," Addyson piped up, not looking up from her tablet. "Something about some stupid letters. I thought letters were good things." Cheryl plugs a headset into the tablet, sliding it over Addy's ears ignoring her protest. 

"Lots of yelling?" Dr. Peterson asks.

"I _did_ lie to her for months. And to make matters worse, it was my abusive parent I was talking to the whole time. So yeah, she yelled. I told her to. The past week has been lot of tension. Addy's picking up on it, and I think the baby has, too. She's been more fussy than usual, but mostly when we're all in the same room. Toni wants to speak with my mother-which is kind of terrifying. I promised I wouldn't write a single e-mail, or send a single text or phone call until we talked about it. And we talked. And she wants to meet with her. Not call or write her, but  _meet_ with her and figure out what her intentions are."

"How do you feel about that?"

"I hate it. But I trust Toni. She's not like me-she won't fall under any spell or anything, and she sees right through my mother's shit."

"Swear jar," she hears.

"Yeah, fine. Put music on and don't eavesdrop and you can have your swear jar," she says, giving her a look. _"Anyways,_ if things seem off, she'll come home and we'll go from there. I drug us all down the rabbit hole, didn't I?"

.............................................................

**_Five days later_ **

"Are you _sure?"_ Cheryl asks for the umpteenth time, following Toni with Aivah in her arms. Toni was surprised she could still move at all, let alone carry a baby, being thirty-six weeks pregnant. 

"Cheryl, I can handle the devil."

"What devil?" Addy asks, skipping into the room. "Is Auntie Betty and Uncle Juggy here yet?"

"Nobody's the-wait, Betty and Jughead are coming over?" Cheryl looks at Toni, confused. 

"You could go into labor at any minute. I do not want you alone."

"Ellie's somewhere."

 _"Somewhere_. She's not in the house, she brought Nana down to the gardens, which is a ten minute walk across the estate, and she has Nana so she couldn't make a mad dash if you go into labor. So _yes_ , I always have a Plan B. Right, Addy?"

"She's made me run drills, Mommy!"

"Drills?"

"For when you have the baby. If Mama isn't home, first call is her. There's a hospital bag under your bed, a sleepover bag under my bed. And a baby bag for Aivah. We go to Auntie Betty and Uncle Juggy's and they already have it all set up for us there."

"Why is our six year old more prepared for this than I am?" Cheryl asks.

Toni just chuckles. They hear the door open and a moment later, Betty enters the room. "Where's the baby?" 

Cheryl passes her Aivah and Betty squeals, holding her close. Aivah looks up at her wide eyes, a smile slowly forming on her little mouth. "She can hold her head up pretty well now, but still be ready to support it," Cheryl informs her.

"Uncle Juggy, pick me up!" Addyson demands, giggling. "Please!"

"Well, since you asked nicely..." He picks her up. "Oh, you're getting heavy, kid."

"Cause I growed," she giggles, pulling his beanie off his head, pulling it over her own curls. He clucks and shakes his head, but a hint of a smile is on his lips. She laughs loudly.

"You guys got this?" Toni asks and the couple wave her off.

"If anything happens, you'll be the first call," Betty reassures her.

Toni accepts that, giving Cheryl a kiss on her lips. "I love you," Cheryl whispers and Toni smiles, kissing her again. 

"I love you, too, babe." She kisses the top of Aivah's head. "Bye, baby." She moves to Addyson, giving her a hug. "Bye, sweetie. Go easy on Uncle Jug and Auntie Betty, will ya?"

"No promises," she giggles. 

"Oh no," Jughead jokes and Toni chuckles, heading to the door.

Child free, she takes the rare opportunity, opening the garage. She gets on her bike, turning it on. She speeds away from home, making the all too familiar route to Pop's Diner. She was early, like planned. She parks her bike and heads inside. 

"Hi, Pop!"

She sits in her usual booth. A chocolate milkshake is placed in front of her, courtesy of Pop. "How's little miss Addyson and Aivah?"

"They're great, Pop. They're home with Cher."

"And how is she?"

"'Bout ready to pop, honestly. Betty and Jug are with her, just in case. Hopefully she has a few more weeks, that we can make it through Christmas and New Year's. Christmas is just a week and a half away. She just needs to hold them in like three more weeks."

"Hopefully it all works out," he bids her and moves on to the next customer. 

She sips her milkshake in silence for a few minutes. Then a shadow casts down and a body slips into the booth across from her.

"Mrs. Blossom, hi."

_**I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily, I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make. Our differences, they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts we got, we got a lot at stake. And in the end, you're still my friend, we did intend for us to work. We didn't break, we didn't burn. We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in. I ha to learn what I've got, and what I'm not and who I am. I won't give up on us! Even even the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love! I'm still looking up! I won't give up on us, cause god knows I'm tough enough! We got a lot to learn but god knows we're worth it.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I get so many mixed results on SP-comments ranging from some of you want more of him, some of you could care less and some just never wanting to see him again.
> 
> So, here's a vote for you guys. Do want A], to see Sweet Pea more than we have lately, or B] see him in the story as little as possible. 
> 
> And another one and I'm like 98 percent sure the answer to it, C] give him redemption or D] screw redemption for that ass


	18. Say Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter Penelope Blossom. Because...well, I'm not sure why. But let's just go along with it.

**_Say something I'm giving up on you. I'll be the one if you want me to. Anywhere I would have followed you. Say something, I'm giving up on you! And I am feeling so small, I was over my head, I know nothing at all. And I will stumble and fall. I'm still learning to love, just starting to crawl. _ **

"Mrs. Blossom, hi."

Toni swallows hard as her mother-in-law slides into the booth across from her.

"Antoinette. How lovely to see you-"

"Cut the crap. You've never been even _remotely_ happy to see me. Don't pretend you are now."

"Alright. _Yes,_ I've always despised your existence. But I have accepted that if I want my daughter, I have to have you, too."

_"Have_ your daughter?"

"She's my only child. I can't have any more children, believe me I've _tried._ So she's all I have left. Her, and her children are the last of heirs."

_"Our_ children," Toni huffs. "You're right, to have Cheryl a part of your life in _any_ way from this moment forward, you're going to have to convince _me_ that there is at least a _shred_ of good intention inside you. Cheryl agreed to that. And believe me when I say, that may be your most difficult task you've ever faced in your life. Because I don't have just Cheryl's well-being to think of anymore, I have four children to consider into it, too. Cheryl showed me every e-mail and text. She never sent a photo of them or even told you their names, has she?"

"No," Penelope admits between gritted teeth.

"Because she doesn't want anything permanent, just in case. It was a relief, knowing she didn't. It meant she wasn't that deep into it."

"What are you hoping to get out from this?" Penelope asks, frustration creeping into her tone.

"Cards on the table-I want to get to know the 'new' you, and you’re going to get to know me. How does that sound?"

"Fine."

........................................................

"There it is," Penelope slid her phone across the table to see the photo of the small house she called home, right across the river into Greendale. "It's much smaller than Thistlehouse, but I've managed. I got an _actual_ job," she sighs dramatically like it's the worst thing she could have ever done. "I've lowered myself to working as a decorator at a _store_. You realize how  _disgusting_ that is? Anyways, do _you_ have a job?" Her tone made it clear she didn't believe the Serpent was capable at holding a job, of supporting her daughter and grandchildren.

"I do. I'm an officer at Riverdale Precinct. I'm currently on leave."

"Because Cheryl's due?"

"Soon. Back to you. So you have a job. You rent a house. You live alone. What else should I know?"

"I have a cat," she answers.

"A _cat?"_ Toni raises an eyebrow, scoffing.

"It's an animal that isn't fully dependent on human contact but is good company. So yes, a _cat_. Do you have any pets?"

"We'll have a dog for our oldest child on Christmas. We were getting two, but it was decided that one is enough for now. We don't need to overwhelm ourselves all at once."

Penelope nods. "I assume you're all ready for the babies?"

"Of course. Nursery is set up. The current baby lives in with our oldest and the twins will share the other nursery. We were going to have all three babies together, but our oldest insists her sister stays in her room. No idea _why_ she wants a baby in her room."

Penelope looks at the time. "I have to go or else I'll be late for work," she says the word with a grimace. "Have you made any decisions from this meeting?"

"I _have_."

**_Say something, I'm giving up on you! I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. Anywhere I would have followed you. Say something..._**  

Toni enters the house, feeling drained. While nobody had ripped anyone's throat out and it ended much more pleasant than she had thought it would, seeing Penelope Blossom still drained her and left her _exhausted_.

"TT?" she hears Cheryl's voice and smiles despite her tiredness. She follows her voice to the kitchen, hit with the scent of dinner in the oven.

"You made dinner?" She asks Betty, who's sitting at the table, making silly faces at Aivah.

_"I_ did," Cheryl says, looking up from the braid she was weaving Addyson's curls into with a soft smile. "Don't worry, my love, I didn't push myself. It's lasagna, you're favorite. Figured you'd be beat and just want to relax when you got home."

Toni's smile widens and she walks over, cupping her cheek and pressing her lips against hers.

"Yuck," Addyson says, nose wrinkling. She giggles anyways.

"Oh, you think that's yucky?" Toni asks, peppering a squealing Addy's face with kisses. Cheryl watches and laughs. Betty shares an amused look with her cousin.

The over beeps and Betty goes to get up. "I got it, sit woman," Ellie says, entering the room. She grabs the oven mitts and takes the large dish out of the oven, setting in on the stove to cool.

"That _really_ smells good," Toni says, resting her head on Cheryl's shoulder. She feels an arm snake around her waist, holding her closer. No, they weren't perfect. But Toni felt all the tension over the past weeks leaving her shoulders and she leaned into her wife's embrace, head on her shoulder and breathing her in. She knew they’d be okay.

"Hm," Cheryl hums, kissing the top of her head.

Ellie walks over to them, reaching her arms to Addy. The child happily jumps into her arms, squeaking as she receives a big bear hug. "How was it today, T?"

"Nobody died," she deadpans. She didn't want to say much, wanting Cheryl and Cheryl alone to be the first to get a rundown and hear her thought process. Ellie knew that, so she just nods.

"Hey, little one? Wanna come get Nana for dinner? I think your smiling face is exactly what she needs. It's what everyone needs." Addyson giggles and nods. Ellie puts her down and the two leave the room hand in hand.

"Ads is good. How is the little princess?"

"She's great," Betty says getting up. "Do you want her?"

"Please." Toni makes no move to leave from Cheryl's side. Betty brings Aivah to her, putting the baby in her arms.

Aivah gives a big yawn stretching her tiny body. "Oh, someone just woke up, huh?" Betty hands her a bottle. "Thank you."

The doorbell rings and the three share a confused look. "Are we expecting company?"

"No," Cheryl says, letting Toni go and heads for the door. After a look from Toni, Betty follows her. Cheryl opens the door and her eyes widen in surprise.

"Hey, Cher...I know things are kind of crazy. But, can I please stay here?"

**_And I will swallow my pride. You're the one that I love, and I'm saying goodbye. Say something, I'm giving up on you! I'm sorry I couldn't get to you! Anywhere I would have followed you, but say something, I'm giving up... _ **


	19. Snow Angels

**_One week ago_ **

_The doorbell rings and Cheryl, Toni and Betty share a confused look. "_   _Are we expecting company?"_

_"No," Cheryl says, letting Toni go and heading for the door. After a look from Toni, Betty follows her. Cheryl opens the door and her eyes widen in surprise._

_"Hey, Cher...I know things are kind of crazy. But, can I stay here?"_

_"I...uh...c-come in, it's freezing out there," Cheryl steps aside, pulling the door open wide, letting Ronnie walk over the threshold._

_"Vee? What are you doing here?" Betty asks, an arm going around her best friend._

 

_"It's fucking cold out there," Ronnie breathes, ignoring Betty's question._

_"Come on, we're just about to eat," Cheryl offers and the two follow her._

_"Hey, who was at the doo..." Toni's voice drifts off. "Veronica."_

_"Hi, Toni..."_

_"She needs a place to stay," Cheryl says, sitting down. She couldn't stay on her feet any longer._

_"Pea and I got into a fight, and there was pain in my stomach. I just...I can't risk losing Noah. I need somewhere to stay until he's born, at least."_

_"You can always stay with me and Jug," Betty offers, pulling a seat out for her._

_Toni looks at Cheryl, a silent conversation happening between them. Cheryl wanted her best friend back, and while she was willing to forgive her-her husband, no, but her? Yes-she wasn't sure she was able to forget. And she knew Toni was on the same boat. Veronica watches with baited breath as the two continue to share thoughts just from simple looks and as Toni nods, slightly. She felt relief when a tiny smile graced Cheryl's pale lips._

_Cheryl is the first to break the silence. "We just have to check with Addy and see how she feels about it, before we say yes."_

_"Of course," Ronnie nods. She expected nothing less. Her niece didn't seem to hold any animosity towards her last she saw her, so she prayed Addyson still felt the same._

_A moment later, Ellie wheeled Nana Rose into the room, Addy skipping behind them._

_"Auntie Ronnie!" She screams, running over to her. She wraps her arms around her leg. "You're visiting us?"_

_"Actually, baby...she might stay with us for a bit. Would that be okay with you, if she lives with us again for a little bit?"_

_"Yeah!_   _" she lets her go and climbs into her seat. Ronnie gives a grateful smile and sits in her old seat. Addyson's brow furrows and she climbs off her seat, running around the table and climbing onto the seat between Veronica and Betty._

_Ellie eyes her sister-in-law, getting a knife to cut the lasagna. "_   _Where's Jordan?" she asks._

_"Home," Ronnie mutters. "We keep fighting, and I'm not risking my pregnancy. So here I am, until he gets his act together."_

_"So, he's all alone then," Ellie says with an annoyed tone, not looking up from serving the dinner._

_"And who's fault is_  that?" _Toni mumbles under her breath. Cheryl gives her hand a comforting squeeze under the table._

_Ellie hands plates out, eyeing Veronica in annoyance. She finally sits herself._

_After dinner, Addy led Veronica up to her old room, talking animatedly the entire way. Toni trailed behind them, not completely comfortable allowing the raven haired girl to be alone with her daughter. She was beginning to forgive her-she had apologized and had seemed genuine-but she would never forget it, at least not for a very long time._

_**Present Day**  _

"What's baking that smells so delicious?" Toni asks, making her way into the kitchen. 

"We're baking cookies for Santa," Addy answers excitedly, jumping up and down. Veronica chuckles and fishes the colored icing from the cabinet. "Gingerbread cookies. We cut out lots of shapes. Aivah even helped! Right, Aiv?" 

Cheryl smiles from her seat, Aivah on her lap sucking on her pacifier. Cheryl runs her fingers over her dark brown hair. "She sure did. You were such a good big sister for helping her. And we got pictures and a video so she'll never forget her first Christmas and how she and her big sister made cookies for Santa."

"I have like a whole album full of Addy and Aivah photos and Aivah's only just under two months old," Toni comments, sitting. "Hey, I call a cookie once they're out of the oven."

"Mommy already called one and I'm only giving one away cause Santa needs cookies to give him energy to give presents to the whole entire world. He probably feeds cookies to all his reindeer and 'specially Rudolph." 

"I'll split it with you," Cheryl promises. "Hey, Ads. Tell Mama who all of Santa's reindeer are."

"You know who all the reindeer are?" Toni feigns shock.

"Yeah! Juni told me! You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen. Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen. But do you recall, the most famous reindeer of all? Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer!" She finishes the part of the song with a giggle. "I know the whole entire song, Mama. But I don't wanna sing it all. But I can tomorrow. Okay?"

"Okay," Toni chuckles.

Cheryl groans a little and gets up. "I'm going to go lie down for a bit."

Toni jumps up and takes Aivah. "Bed or couch?"

"Couch. If I go up those stairs, I'm not coming back down them until morning." Toni puts a hand on her back and guides her to the living room. She helps her settle on the couch. 

"Are we still set for  _her_  coming over here tomorrow?" Cheryl asks softly.

"It'll be a house full of friends and family. No safer time for us to introduce her. We're in agreement though? She is  _never_  alone with Addy or Aivah, not even for a  _second_."

" _Definitely_  in agreement. Speaking of not being alone with the kids..."

"We can hear them from here. If anything even begins to go wrong, I can be in there in half a second. I think they'll be okay. Addy is being easy today."

"We got lucky with her. She was an easy baby. An easy toddler. And still an easy kid. Aivah's not even two months old yet and she's already difficult compared to Addy. And in a few weeks, if not earlier, there'll be three screaming babies. We're going to go crazy."

"Betty offered to come over and help us whenever and both she and Polly have said they'll take Addy for overnights. Polly will even take her for a weekend. We have a village to raise these little monsters, just like we did with Ads."

"Little monsters?" Cheryl raises an eyebrow.

"Very cute little monsters." She kisses Aivah's cheek lovingly. "Right, baby?"

Cheryl hums contently, shifting. "Sit up here."

Toni gets off the floor, sitting up beside Cheryl. She combs her fingers through her hair. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," Cheryl murmurs.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to bed?" 

"It's Christmas Eve, Addy will never forgive me if I go to bed now."

"She won't. You need your rest, you got two babies inside of you that are almost ready to join us. You're allowed to sleep a lot. You're allowed to be bedridden if you aren't up for it. You spent a lot of time in bed when you were pregnant for Addy and she was one baby. There's  _two_ now." She strokes Cheryl's cheek, shaking her head slightly when she realizes she's already fallen asleep on her. "Sweet dreams, babe." She kisses her forehead, carefully getting up to not disturb her or Aivah. She fishes out a blanket, spreading it over her wife best she can one handed. She lays Aivah down in the playpen and goes back to the kitchen just as Veronica is pulling the cookie sheet from the oven. 

"Mama, see? Gingerbread cookies! We did a whole lotta shapes."

"I call the big snowman one," Toni says as Veronica moves the cookies from the tray an onto the cooling rack as Addy lines up the icing and sprinkles. 

"That's Mommy's."

"Mommy said she'll share."

"Kay," Addy shrugs. "But you gotta wait til it looks pretty after it's not hot. Where's Mommy?"

"She's taking a nap. Making cookies with you and your sister made her sleepy."

"Oh. Is Aivah sleeping, too?"

"She is." She reaches for the cookie and Ronnie smacks her hand away. 

"You heard the boss. Not until it's decorated and your wife is up."

............................................

"Mommy, Mama, it's snowing!" Addy shouts, her face squished against the window. They had just finished dinner and the child was sent to wind down for bed.

Toni walked over, kneeling beside her. "Oh, wow. It's snowing a lot!"

"Can we play in it, just a little?"

"It's dark out, baby."

_"Please_ , Mama?" 

Toni stands up. "Cher?"

Cheryl made her way into the room. "Yes, love?"

"Ads wants to go outside and play in the snow before bed."

"It can't wait until tomorrow?"

"No," Addy whines. "Please, Mommy? This is the first snow! I'll go right to bed after, long before Santa comes."

"I guess. Just like fifteen minutes though, okay?"

"Okay!" She jumps up and down. "Come with me."

"I'm not sure Mommy's gonna be up to going in the snow."

"Mommy, please?"

"I should be fine," Cheryl says softly. She hands Toni Addy's winter gear. Toni helps her into her fluffy red coat, black water proof gloved, black faux fur books and pulls a red wool hat over her head. Toni hands Cheryl her own red winter coat, black leather gloves and hat. "Here," she kneels down, helping her into her black boots. She then throws her own black coat, gloves and boots on. 

"Just fifteen minutes, Ads."

"Just fifteen minutes," she parrots back. She takes Cheryl's hand. "Let's go!"

"Patience," Toni says, opening the door and holding it open so her wife and daughter can go out first. "Careful, might be slippery babe."

Cheryl takes careful steps, holding Addy back from bolting. "Onto the lawn, Addy. It'll be nice and fluffy on the snow." She steers the child to the snow, letting her go once she's sure they cleared away from the slippery path of fresh snow on pavement. Addy runs through the snow, both parents smiling as they watch her. 

She squeals, falling down. She rolls onto her back. "Snow angel!" Giggling, she moves her arms and legs in the snow. "Mama, Mommy, make some too!"

"Sorry, sweetie. But if I go down, I'm not getting back up. But Mama can," she nudges Toni who gives her a fake annoyed look. Toni lays down beside her daughter, unable to hold back a laugh as she makes a snow angel. Cheryl pulls her phone out, slipping a glove off to snap photos of the two in the snow. She laughs and switches to video. She knew this was a moment that Addyson and even Toni would forever want to remember. 

Before they knew it, the fifteen minutes were over and Cheryl herded her snow covered wife and daughter indoors. She shoos Toni to take a hot shower to warm up and runs a bath for Addy, sitting on the toilet beside the tub as she played and splashed in the bubbles. "Oh, baby, you're flooding the floor," she laughs, tossing a towel down to soak it up. 

"Sorry, Mommy," she giggled. Cheryl wraps a fluffy pink towel around her, helping her out of the tub. Addy dried herself off and Cheryl helped her into her pajamas. 

"Off to bed, my little angel." Toni meets them in her room, and tucks her into bed. "Goodnight, baby. Cheryl leaves a lingering kiss on her forehead.

"'Night, Mommy."

"Goodbye, baby girl." Toni kisses her forehead.

"Night, Mama."

Toni makes sure the nightlight is on, turns the lamp off and quietly shuts the door. "Both kids asleep. And you look like you're about ready to pass out."

"Hm," Cheryl mumbles, changing into her night gown and climbing into bed. "You're  _so_  doing this next time."

"Oh, there won't be a next time. Four kids are enough for a a lifetime."

"You'll think differently when Aivah and the twins are Addy's age," she mumbles. "And then you can see what pregnancy is like. The good and the bad."

"If that day comes, you can enjoy pregnancy a third time." She tucks red strands behind her ear. 

"We'll see," she mumbles, drifting off to sleep.

"Baby brain," Toni chuckles, climbing off the bed. "Guess I'm solo Santa this year."


	20. Christmas Magic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys! I'm finally back! It's been like a month, and I'm sorry for that. It has been CRAZY lately. 
> 
> I've been out of consistent work for over a year, which is when I wrote How Do You Feel? and stared this one. I started a job that's 6 days a week so it took a lot of getting used to managing my time, especially with my one day off a week dedicated to my horses. And once I adjusted to work, my horse went and got herself injured. 
> 
> I'm not making any promises, but I SHOULD be back to once a week updates at least hopefully. 
> 
> WARNING: Penelope IS in this chapter. But has basically no lines or anything. She just exists. I cut most of her out-also what took forever because I'm not undoing the past few chapters but some of you were unhappy with it so trying to "fix" it also took time because I wrote and re-wrote the chapter, and then I lost the final draft of it and had to re-write it again. It was such a mess.
> 
> Comments do help motivate me to get the next chapter out. But please keep them more nice. Not saying you can't voice your thoughts and it has to be happy, because can. Constructive "I didn't like this cause ___" is helpful, but tearing apart the chapter just makes me second guess and take even longer to get the chapter written. Feel free tosay what you like to see less of/see more of in chapters to come!

  _ **Children sleeping, snow is softly falling. Dreams are calling like bells in the distance. We were dreamers not so long ago, but one by one we all had to grow up. When it seems the magic slipped away, we find it all again on Christmas day. Believe in what your heart is saying, hear the melody that's playing. There's no time to waste, there's so much to celebrate! Believe in what you feel inside and give your dreams the wings to fly! You have everything you need if you just believe.**_

"Mommy! Mama! Get up, get up!"

Toni is fully woken up, jumping up in an upright position, not by the shouts but the feeling of Addyson's body landing on her following. Cheryl groans, sitting up groggily. "Ads, it's only seven."

"But I'm up! Aivah's up, too! I wouldda brought her with me but you said I can't carry her 'round with me."

"Once she can support herself and hold onto you herself, we'll see about you being aloud to pick her up without us watching you," Cheryl yawns, throwing her legs over the side of the bed. "Oh, I can't wait to be able to see my feet again."

"Hey, where are you going?" Toni asks, moving Addy off of her and getting off the bed.

"To get Aivah."

"Okay. Meet us downstairs? Addy and I can start on breakfast."

"Yeah!" Addy cheers.

"And wake Veronica and drag her ass down with you. If we have to be awake, so does she."

"Okay. Before you say it, no I'm not waking Ellie too. She deserves some sleep after all the work she's been doing between caring for Nana, helping my pregnant self and watching the kids. And today's going to be a long day."

"Okay, fine," Toni agrees, taking Addy's hand.

"Oh, Toni? We forgot the fact that I shouldn't exactly be the one to carry Aivah down the stairs since I can't see where to put my feet."

"Right. You go down with Addy and I'll get Aivah and Veronica."

Cheryl nods and takes Addy's hand. The two make their way down the stairs, Addy hopping down them giggling. They go to the kitchen. "What do you want, baby?"

"Pancakes! Chocolate chip pancakes."

"Pancakes, okay." She pulls the ingredients from the cabinet and fridge. "I think Mama wanted to make them with you."

"I don't mind if you make them with her," Toni's voice comes from behind them as she enters the room with a whiny Aivah, a tired Ronnie on their heels. "I can give her a bottle You made some last night, didn't you."

Cheryl nods her head. "I'll just nurse her though. Save all the bottles for later today, though. We'll need to use those as an excuse to escape at some point."

"Alright." Toni passes the baby to Cheryl and she wanders off to the living room with her to nurse. Toni finds her spot at the counter. "Ready, Ads?"

"Yeah!"

"Veronica, do you want to make some eggs while we make the pancakes?"

"S-sure," she cautiously goes over to them, grabbing a fry pan and pulling the carton of eggs over to her. "I'm not going to bite," Toni rolls her eyes, turning her attention to Addy.

In the living room, Cheryl lays on the couch, Aivah nursing greedily. Her eyes stare up at the ceiling, her mind spiraling as worry clouded her thoughts. Her arms stayed around the babe, securing her. But her mind was elsewhere. She wondered why she ever sent that letter. She managed to keep control of herself and her feelings about seeing her mother facet face after all these years. But she was wishing she hadn't. If she hadn't seemed sane, Toni would never agree to allowing Penelope Blossom into their home, near their children. She barely even allowed it, and she thought Cheryl was okay. She had been, but as the hand of the clock inched closer and closer, her anxiety rose with it. And with the anxiousness came upset babies in her stomach-Avery had spent the better half of the past two days kicking her mercilessly. A shrill cry broke her from her reverie. Aivah had let her go, her little belly filled. She cried out, arms waving, wanting her mother's attention.

"I'm sorry, baby," Cheryl sighs, covering herself and pushing herself upright. "Mommy's distracted, huh?" She smooths wisps of dark brown hair down, finger trailing down a tanned cheek. Her eyes were still baby blues, but they knew they'd turn brown. Addyson was fair skinned, with Cheryl's eyes and red hair. And Toni knew chances were, Avery and Jason would have fairer skin and red hair too like Cheryl because of those damn Blossom genes. But Aivah? She could pass as Toni's biological child, with her darker skin and dark brown hair. And that made her happy in a way that tugged at Cheryl's heart-that her wife took joy in the thought that at least one child would have her appearance, even if she was adopted. "Can I see that smile, princess?"

Aivah smiled wide and cooed, Cheryl's own face splitting into a smile.

"Babe? Everything okay?" She hears Toni call. She knew it stemmed from the fact that Aivah had yelled then dead silence.

"We're good," Cheryl calls before pressing a lingering kiss to the baby's forehead. "Beautiful girl."

...........................................................

"Auntie Cher! Auntie Toni!" Juniper's shout made both women jump and laugh. The child had burst through the doors, running straight for the kitchen where Toni and Veronica were in the long task of preparing lunch. Cheryl sat at the table with Addy, the two having been waiting patiently for the twins to make cookies.

"Hurry, Juni! Mommy said we couldn't make cookies 'til you got here."

Juniper's arms wrap around Cheryl's neck, hugging her. Dagwood gave Toni a tight hug before climbing into a chair beside Cheryl. Juniper climbed onto the chair beside Addyson.

"What can we do?" Polly asks, walking in after the twins. Betty and Jughead follow behind her.

"Oh gosh, there's so much to do. Anyone want to peel some of these vegetables?"

"I will," Jughead takes the peeler from her and grabs the squash that hadn't been peeled yet.

"Polly? Can you run and check on Ellie and Nana? Let them know just like a hour and a half or so until it'll be ready?"

"Of course," Polly nods.

"And me?" Betty asks.

"Aivah could use a diaper change," Cheryl says sheepishly and Betty laughs, taking the baby from her.

"Diapers and wipes in the same place as last time?"

"Yes," Cheryl nods then turns her attention to the kids. "Ready?"

For the next half hour, Cheryl, Betty, and the four kids had fun making cookies, pressing cookie cutters into dough. Aivah ha help, and would't remember her role in the cookie making, but she was all giggles. They were decorating the cookies when the doorbell rang. Cheryl sucked in an anxious breath and turned to look at Toni.

"I'll get it," Toni assured her. She draws a breath and walked out to the door. She opened it slowly, revealing Penelope Blossom. "Mrs. Blossom, hi."

"Antoinette, hello."

"Toni," she corrects.

"Toni," the older woman says, nose wrinkling. "Thank you for the invitation."

"Hm." A burst of laughter sounded and the older woman looks at her.

"Is that the child?"

"Yes. That's...you still don't know their names, do you?"

"I do not."

"Well, I suppose you'll find out. Follow me."

Toni walked to the kitchen, hoping Cheryl had gathered herself. This would be the first time she saw her mother since that night. And she barely remembered it, just broken bits and pieces from a nightmare she relived over and over for a long time. She enters the room, pausing by the doorway. Aivah's squeals stopped her in her tracks. Cheryl had the baby lifted upright and the child had a fistful of red frosting, shaking her little fists and giggling. Cheryl and Betty had peaceful smiles on their faces as they watched the baby. Addyson held a Santa shaped cookie out, trying to convince her sister to wipe her frosting coated hand on it.

"That's them?" Penelope asks quietly, staring at the children. Addy, the spitting image of her mother minus the curls. Penelope hated those curls. She knew who those belonged to. And then there was a baby, a delightful baby swinging around red coated fists. And her daughter. Her daughter she hadn't seen in so long. Too long for her. A daughter she had taken for granted, who she had never treated as her child but an inconvenience to her.

"That's them," Toni answered. "Hey, Addy. What's your sister doing?"

"She's being messy," Addy giggles. "She don't know how to frost a cookie. But I'll teach her."

"I bet you will."

"Oh no!" Toni turns to her wife, who's laughing as Aivah's hand comes in contact with her face. Aivah stares, mouth forming an O before giggling and clapping, more frosting flying. "Look, you made such a mess. Such a mess! I'm all red now!"

"Silly, Aivah," Addy laughs. "I'll get you a cloth, Mommy."

"Thank you, baby."

"Babe," Toni touches her shoulder once their daughter runs out of hearing range. "Your mom." She nods her head and Cheryl slowly turns to look at her mother, frosting smeared on her cheek forgotten.

"Mother."

"Cheryl," Penelope approaches a few steps, but stops from reaching them completely. 

"Hello, Mother," Cheryl says tensely. Toni takes Aivah from her, giving her whatever option she desired to take. 

"You can sit," Cheryl says finally and Penelope takes a seat, a few seats away from her. She had no idea how comfortable her daughter was with her presence, although despite the invitation it seemed clear. Taking a step forward was _not_ forgiveness.  

"Mommy!" Addy reappeared with a damp cloth. The child appointed herself to cleaning her mother's frosted cheek despite her protests. 

"Ads, there's someone here to meet you." The little girl paused, and her eyes followed Cheryl's until she was staring at Penelope. 

"You look like Mommy."

"That's because...she's my mother."

"She's my grandma? Oh. Hi! I'm Addyson, but you have to call me Addy. I'm six, and a half! The half is very important."

"Is she my grandma, too, then?" Juniper asks suddenly. Cheryl and Toni jump, having forgotten the twins were still siting at the table.

"Uh...I'm gonna go get Polly for this one," Toni says.

"Yeah," Cheryl reaches for Aivah, taking her before Toni wanders off to find Polly.

"And that's my sister, Aivah," Addy says, pointing at the babe. "She's cute, right? The cutest?"

"The cutest," Penelope echoes. 

..........................................................

Lunchtime rolled around, and to the group added Kevin and Fangs much to everyone's excitement. Addy and Juniper fought over their attention, while their mothers laughed and enjoyed the few moments of peace before the kids turned back to them again. 

The adult table hosted Nana Rose at her end seat, beside her was Ellie, Polly, Kevin, Fangs, Toni, Cheryl seated at the other end, then Betty, Jughead, Polly, and Penelope. The three children sat at the kid's table, Aivah taking a nap in her bassinet in the living room.

"Mom, can we play outside after we eat?" Juniper calls over. Polly shares a look with Cheryl.

"Presents first, Juni. Then we can go outside. 

The three children cheer, then they go back to talking about what gifts they think they'll find underneath the tree. 

"Is the _you-know-what_ here?" Ronnie asks quietly. She's greeted with a few looks of surprise and a few knowing smiles.

"It is. Upstairs, and hopefully going to stay quiet until it's time," Cheryl answers cryptically. 

"What is _it?"_ Betty asks.

"You'll find out soon enough, Cheryl responds with a smirk. Toni and Ellie-the only others in the know besides Nana-chuckle. 

"Mean," Betty jokes. "Onto more seriousness, do you want us to take Ads and Aivah, or do you want us to stay here with them when it's time?"

"You wouldn't mind staying here with them?" Cheryl asks, once again noticing a few confused looks.

"Not at all," Betty says. "Plus, Vee and Ellie are here so it'll probably be easier here. Plus, all their stuff is here."

"Oh-you're talking about the when she goes into labor plans," Ronnie says as realization dawns on her.

"We're slow, Ronnie," Ellie laughs. The two weren't as good a place as they were before, but Ellie knew her brother had brought what happened down on himself and that blaming Ronnie because it was convenient wasn't right.

"We're just being cryptic today, it seems," Cheryl laughs. 

"One way to decide this. Ads, baby? When Mommy has your brother and sister, do you and Aivah want to go stay with Auntie Betty and Uncle Jug or do you want them to come stay here with you guys and Auntie Ronnie and Ellie?' 

"Them come here!" Addyson bounces in her seat.

"That's settled, then," Betty laughs. "You guys are brave, taking on four kids-three being babies."

"Aivah wasn't planned. And neither was having twins, not by a long shot. There was just supposed to be two for now, but four is perfect. I love them all, even the twins who haven't joined us yet."

"I can't wait until we can be parents," Betty says, taking Jughead's hand.

"I'm hoping my husband pulls his shi- _act,_ his act together before Noah's born because being a single mother was not in my plans."

"He'll come around," Ellie says, trying to sound confident as Toni just grimaces.

.........................................................

"A puppy!" Addyson's shriek fills the house. Her arms wrapped around the excited German Shepard pup. Juniper and Dagwood moved closer to touch her. 

"What's her name?" Dagwood asks.

"Mama, does she have a name?"

"No, she's waiting for you to name her," Toni answers with a smile. 

Addy's brows furrow for a moment as she thinks. Then she lights up. "Piper! I'm gonna call her Piper."

"Piper's a really great name," Juniper giggles.

"The greatest," Dagwood agrees.

"Mommy, can we bring Piper outside to play now?" Addy asks excitedly. They had opened all their presents-the pup was the final one. 

"That's up to Mama," Cheryl says, looking to Toni. Toni gives her a look.

"Alright. Bundle up though, we don't want any sick kids on Christmas!" The kids cheered, hurrying to get their coats, boots, hats and gloves on. Toni, Polly, Betty, Ellie and Fangs got ready to bring the horde of children out. Jughead and Fangs found their way to kitchen as clean up crew. Cheryl went to Toni and whispered in her ear, _"Can she?"_

Toni looks at the person in question for a moment, deep in thought, and nods reluctantly. "She can."

Cheryl picks up the baby from her bassinet as the group go outside. She settles on the couch. "Kev?" she calls out. "Can you heat up a bottle for me, please?"

"Coming right up!" He calls back. 

"They're all going to freeze their asses off out there," Ronnie says with a laugh.

"If I wasn't a hundred years pregnant that'd be my excuse to stay inside," Cheryl tells her.

"A hundred years pregnant?"

"You'd be saying it, too if you had twins inside you. One baby is bad enough, let alone _two_."

"She's right, twins take a toll," Penelope suddenly offers. Both younger women jump a little, forgetting the older Blossom was in the room with them. Penelope offers a tentative half smile, which much to her delight Cheryl returned. The moment, as small as it was, was ruined when Kevin walked into the room. 

"One bottle for little miss Aivah."

"Thanks, Kev."

"You're welcome, Bombshell." She chuckles as he retreats back to the kitchen. 

Aivah whines, kicking her legs as she sees the bottle. She makes grabby hands at it. "Ronnie? Want to feed her?"

"R-really?" she asks, brown eyes lighting up hopefully.

"Really," she offers Aivah and the raven haired girl takes her in her arms with a watery smile.

"Hi, princess," Ronnie coos, taking the bottle Cheryl offers. Ronnie offers the bottle to Aivah's mouth and the babe takes it happily. Little hands hold on to the bottle in a vice like grip, curious already darkening baby blues staring up at her. "She's so cute." She runs a finger down her tanned cheek. "She has the cutest little dimples."

"They really show when she smiles," Cheryl says with a smile. "Her eyes are going to turn brown soon."

"They're already darkening," Ronnie nods. "Do you think her hair will stay the same? She has a lot of it."

"Straight brown? I hope so. Toni and I both think both twins will be redheads, so at least one child will be a brunette like Toni even if she isn't biologically ours."

"Do you think the twins will have curly hair like Addy? Or straight like yours?"

"I hope one of each. One with straight hair, one with those adorable curls. I was so happy when Addy kept her curls. Her hair only gets curlier, it seems."

"I love those curls too. Her hair bounces when she runs," Ronnie laughs.

"It's a pain to brush and tame, but it's worth it. She's the most perfect thing in the entire world."

..............................................

"Both kids are in bed," Toni says breathlessly as she enters her room. Cheryl is in bed already, propped up by pillows. 

"Took them long enough," Cheryl chuckles. "Piper is in her kennel for the night."

"Oh, good," Toni says as she climbs onto the bed. "As exhausting as it was, this was a holiday we'll forever remember."

"Even better, Addy is old enough now that it's a holiday she'll also forever remember."

"How'd it go with your mom?"

"Well, she only made a few comments through the entire day and played good grandparent to Addy. So I'd say it was a success. She's not going to be taking the kids anywhere or anything, but if she stays decent I wouldn't be opposed for her seeing Addy supervised often. Honestly, I don't think I'd ever let her see any of our kids unsupervised."

"And I'm not going to argue that point at all. We can one day forgive, but we can never forget."

"Even if she proves she's a different person-which I don't think she could, no matter how hard she tries to change-just the thought of what she's capable of will always be in the back of my head. And I would never take any chances with Addyson or Aivah or the twins."

Toni nods, biting her lip in thought. "Are we still set on names for the twins?" she asks. As much as she'd love to talk about how much she dislike Penelope Blossom still, she didn't want her very pregnant wife to get upset, especially this close to her delivery date.  

"Avery Eliana Blossom-Topaz and Jason James Blossom-Topaz," Cheryl says with a nod. She worried choosing the names so early in her pregnancy would make them sick of the names, but they stayed confident in their name choices. She thinks it's because how important the names were. Avery Eliana, after Toni's mother and after the woman who had surprisingly been a rock of theirs since Cheryl's pregnancy with Addyson. And Jason James, named after Cheryl's dearly departed brother.

"Ellie'll be so excited when she hears Avery's middle name is after her," Toni hums.

"She deserves it. Even after everything with Pea, she's still so loyal to us."

"Is it bad that I miss Sweets?"

"No," Cheryl shakes her head. "I miss him, too."

__**Trains move quickly to their journey's end; destinations are where we begin again. Ships go sailing far across the sea trusting starlight to get where they need to be. When it seems that we have lost our way, we find ourselves again on Christmas day.**__ _** Believe in what your heart is saying, hear the melody that's playing. There's no time to waste, there's so much to celebrate! Believe in what you feel inside and give your dreams the wings to fly! You have everything you need if you just believe. ** _


	21. New Year, New Chances

**_L_ ** _**ittle** princess, summer flowers in her hair. Playing ring-a-round the rosie in that picture there. Tip-toeing round the house in her Mama's shoes, coloring her lips red in her bedroom. Too much that the world's wanting you to do when you're still just a child in your Mama's shoes. Little girl don't grow up too fast, before you know it you'll be wishing you can just go back. Don't you know there'll be plenty of time for that somewhere down the road? It's all gonna fly in the blink of an eye, you can't slow down this thing called life. So take your time and let it last, little girl don't grow up too fast!_

"Addyson?" Cheryl calls, walking-well, more like waddling-around the house. It was too quiet. Toni had gone out to the store to get a few last minute items and had taken Aivah with her. Ellie had taken Nana to the gardens, Ronnie was spending some time with Betty. But Addyson had stayed home, and the silence was concerning Cheryl. "Addy?"

She took a breath and climbed up the stairs, wondering if the child had passed out in her room. She peered in her own room first, and froze when she saw her vanity had been messed with. And her makeup bag was missing. "Oh no." She made her way to Addyson's room and looked in. What she saw left a smile on her face. "Oh, baby."

"Mommy!" Addy yells. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry, baby. What are you doing with my makeup?"

"Making myself pretty like you," she says, going back to painting her lips Cheryl's signature cherry red color, which was only reserved for special occasion at this point. The redhead still remembers a time where she'd feel naked without her red lips. And now she felt different when she actually put the color on.

Cheryl kneels beside Addyson's little chair in front of her full length mirror. "Can I tell you something, Ads?" Addy nods, curls bouncing on her shoulders. "You don't need to wear makeup to be pretty."

"Uh huh."

"Nope," she kisses her cheek. "You're the prettiest just the way you are. Pretty hair, pretty eyes, pretty smile."

Addy giggles. "Still prettier with makeup."

Cheryl just shakes her head. "Come on, let's wash this off."

"No! You do it so it looks really good. Please?"

Cheryl sighs. "Okay. Just this once, though." She takes a makeup wipe, cleaning her daughter's face. She uncaps the lipstick tube, carefully painting Addy's little lips. She blots then uses her desk to help herself up. "Alright," she hods a hand out to Addyson. "Want to help me decorate?"

"Yeah!" she grabs her mother's hand, getting up. "Is Auntie Betty and Uncle Juggy coming?"

"They are, baby."

"And Auntie Polly?"

"She'll be here, with Juni and Dag too."

"And...will grandma be there?" she asks excitedly yet cautiously. She had picked up on the tension, despite only being six.

"She will. You asked her on Christmas to come, remember?"

"I didn't know if you'd say no."

"We didn't."

"What about Uncle Kev and Fangs?"

"They're spending New Years' with Uncle Kevin's dad so they won't be here. But there's someone else who will be here."

"Who?"

"It's a surprise."

......................................................

_"Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo..."_

Addyson and Juniper was in the living room and had roped Betty and Ellie into baby sharking with her much to everyone's amusement. Jughead sat on the couch with a can of cola, watching the ordeal. Polly was videoing her sister's awkward dancing, laughing along with Dagwood who had opted out of the craziness. Toni was finishing up with making the desserts- per tradition they were ordering a boatload of Chinese food instead of cooking. Cheryl was seated at the table, hand holding her stomach as she focused on breathing. She knew it would be any day now. Penelope was seated beside her rather than away, reading a guideline book. Cheryl, despite already having two other children, wanted to be as prepared as possible. She was beyond shocked when Penelope volunteered to help her with her reading. It was all done under Toni's watchful eye. Ronnie sat on the other end of the table, cooing over Aivah who had become a permanent fixture in her arms-when Toni wasn't attached to her, that is.

"If I hear that song one more time..." Ronnie warns, but the glint in her eyes told them that her threat had no bite.

"I hate that song," Cheryl agrees, hearing her daughter and niece's voices pick up the song. _Again_ _._ She looks as her phone vibrates on the table and a smile forms on her face. "But it's not going to last long."

"What? Why?"

"Wait a moment..." her wife and best friend shared a confused look when the doorbell rang. Cheryl holds a hand up when Toni made a move for the door. "Addyson!" The song dies off and Addy races into the room, curls a mess and cheeks flushed. "Baby, can you get the door?"

"Uh huh!" They hear bare feet slap against the floor and the door swinging open. Then a squeal of excitement. "Auntie Josie, Auntie Josie!"

"Josie?" Ronnie asks in excitement. "When did she get back from Europe?"

"Yesterday," Cheryl says with a proud smile. She has been so _incredibly_ proud of her friend for pursuing her singing career and doing what she loved. But that had meant traveling when she hit it big, traveling through the states meaning they only saw her a handful of times a year. But she spent the past year in Europe on tour and she had missed her dearly.

"Cher!" She hears Josie's melodic voice and she smiles hugely. Josie had entered the room, Addy flinging to her with Juniper on her heels.

"Josie. Oh how I missed you." Cheryl managed to get to her feet to hug her friend.

"Oh my. I thought you were huge when you were pregnant with this little monkey, but look at you!"

"Twins," Cheryl laughs. "Four kids at nearing twenty-six. Never thought that'd be me, huh?"

"Never," she laughs. "Where's the baby? I wanna meet my little niece."

"Right here," Ronnie says, getting up.

"Oh damn, girl. You're huge, too!"

Ronnie laughs and hands a wide-eyed Aivah over. "Hey, little sweetie." She puts Addy down so she can hold Aivah. Addy sighs and plops down in the chair beside Penelope, the only person in the room not pre-occupied with the baby or food.

"Hi, grandma."

"Grandma?" Josie cranes her neck to see and nearly does a double take seeing Penelope Blossom herself sitting at the table. "Uh, Cher?" she squeaks.

"We have a lot to catch up on," Cheryl says sheepishly.

"Uh _yeah!"_

Cheryl leads Josie from the room, while Addy chats away to Penelope under Toni's very watchful eye. They find themselves sitting on the couch Aivah squirming in Josie's lap. The two month old didn't have a lot of body control, but she had become pretty good at squirming. 

"Okay, missy. You got a lot of explaining to do," Josie says, adjusting her hold on Aivah. 

"Guess I should start at the beginning, huh?"

Josie nods. 

"It started back at Addy's kindergarten graduation. All her classmates had families there, and Addy had asked why she didn't have a daddy or grandparents. The father one we easily explained as she has two mothers and no father and she accepted that. We told her that her grandparents had died. Which she accepted, but it kept me thinking. God, I hadn't thought of my mother since Addy was Aivah's age. And my mother had just been released, after Penny was found alive and well, it upended my mother's entire case and she became a free women and Penny because an imprisoned one. Well, shortly after that, I began e-mailing my mother...don't give me that look, Josie. I know, severe lack of judgment on my part. E-mails turned to phone calls. You know what the worst part was? It wasn't I had reached out to my mother. It was that I had kept Toni in the dark. I told her, but not until several months later, and only after my therapist urged me to. I _really_ fucked up."

"But you two seem fine?"

"We fought, in the beginning. But Toni forgave me. Not because I deserved it really, but because she's _Toni_. I wish she hadn't forgiven me so easily, because I was _so_ selfish."

"You're so hard on yourself, Cher. You made a mistake and she forgave you, it's what people who love you do. I forgave you for the pigs heart."

"You weren't my wife and I didn't go behind your back the same way."

"The fact that she _is_ your wife is why you've been forgiven so easily."

"I guess," the redhead shrugs. Josie's arm that wasn't holding the baby to her finds its way around her friend's shoulder. "It's all going to be just fine, Cher."

**_Sometimes I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread, climbing ladders just to get to the next step. Working hard, always wanting something more, missing how things were simple like it was before. It's hard to know just what soothes you, when you're still a child in your mama's shoes. Little girl don't grow up too fast, before you know it you'll be wishing you can just go back. Don't you know there'll be plenty of time for that somewhere down the road? It's all gonna fly in the blink of an eye, you can't slow down this thing called life. So take your time and let it last, little girl don't grow up too fast!_ **

"Juni! Daggy! Come catch me!"

"Addyson, be careful!" Cheryl calls. 

The twins and Addyson were running around the yard, Piper on their heels. In their hands were sparklers as the sky darkened. The solar lights staked into the ground left a lit pathway for the giggling children. The adults were on the back porch, sitting and watching the kids. Betty, Jughead, and Polly had pulled their chairs to a side and were deep in conversation. Ellie, Josie and Toni were munching on Chinese food while catching up. By the edge, watching the children, was Ronnie, Cheryl and Penelope although the older Blossom was a it away from the two younger women. Aivah was snuggled in Cheryl's arms. 

They all stayed in the same positions until Ellie's timer went off.

"Addyson, Juniper, Dagwood!" Polly calls. "It's almost countdown time!"

The kids found their way to the porch. Dagwood leaned against Polly, Juniper getting Ellie's attention and Addy sitting on Toni's lap. 

"Thirty seconds!" Juniper shouts, watching Ellie's phone.

"Ten!"

"Nine!"

"Eight!"

"Seven!"

"Six!"

"Five!"

"Four!"

"Three!"

"Two!"

"One!"

"Happy New Years!"

Fireworks lit up the blackened sky and the group clap and cheer, especially the three older children. Some hugs are exchanged, and the group collectively chats excitedly.

It was a new year. A lot had happened in a year, but they wouldn't have it any other way.

..............................

_Ten days later_

Cheryl shot up in bed, gasping for breathe. The pain radiation from her stomach was what had woken her up, she decided. The second thing she had realized, was that suddenly the bed was wet. 

"T-Toni!" She shakes her wife. "Toni!"

Toni shoots up. "Cher? What's going on?' She looks at the time, seeing it's barely three in the morning. 

"Toni. My...my water just broke."

That's all the other girl needed to hear. She was jumping off the bed, pulling a bag from under the bed. She grabs her phone off her night stand, dialing the familiar number. "Betty? Cheryl's in labor."

**_Little girl don't grow up too fast, before you know it you'll be wishing you can just go back. Don't you know there'll be plenty of time for that somewhere down the road? It's all gonna fly in the blink of an eye, you can't slow down this thing called life. So take your time and let it last, little girl don't grow up too fast!_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys.  
> Do you want A. Penelope to be that "only comes in on occasion for special occasions" character or B. "becomes a more regular character on here"?


	22. Light

_"Toni!"_

Cheryl's distressed voice. and the bone crushing grip she had on her hand, was enough to make Toni's heart pause. Ton had always thought it was fine, always told Cheryl she was over exaggerating about the pain. But she _wasn't_. Toni saw it now. A heart wrenching sob left the redhead's lips through every contraction, each one more painful then the next. The concerned look on Dr. Stevens said it all-something was  _wrong._  

"Twin A isn't in position, she's going to breach. Okay, Cheryl. I'm going to try to get her to turn around for you, okay? It won't be easy since there's two in there. But if she can't correct her position, we'll have to discuss performing a cesarean section."

The redhead could do nothing more than nod, jaw clenching, her sweaty head leaning back. 

"Okay, sweetheart."

Toni moved up, placing a cool cloth to her wife's sweaty forehead, kissing her temple. "You're doing great, babe. So good." She kisses her temple again when the redhead lets out a strangled gasp as Dr. Stevens presses firmly against her stomach almost painfully, trying to urge the baby into position. It felt like an agonizingly long time. Toni had never felt so _useless_ in her life. She didn't know how to help her wife. She just kept doing what she had been-whispering sweet nothings into her ears, kisses to the cheeks and temples and letting her hand be turned to shattered pieces, because those little things seemed to be what helped her wife the most. 

"You're okay."

"The...twins..."

"They're okay, too, babe. They'll be okay."

Cheryl nods wearily, squeeze her eyes shut. 

"Okay," Dr. Stevens says, positioning herself between the redhead's legs. "They're ready. When I tell you, Cheryl, you must push."

"I-I can't."

"You said the same thing the first time, and you gave birth to your baby girl just fine. If you can't do it now, they'll be distressed and we'll have to do a c-section. You made it clear you don't want one, so I need you to trust me and be strong for yourself and your babies. Can you try?"

"O-okay."

.........................................................

"It's a girl!"

The cries of a newborn filled the air. The first twin was out.

"Avery," Cheryl whispers. 

"Just a few more pushes Cheryl and the other little wonder will be out in the world and you'll have both babe in your arms," came the doctors voice. Cheryl took in a sharp intake of breath. 

And when she was told, she pushed. Gritting her teeth, holding tightly to Toni's hand. A few tears leaked out of her eyes, intermingling on the sheen of sweat on her face. "Just one more, Cheryl." 

Cheryl pushed with every bit of energy left in her.

"It's a boy!"

Cheryl waited for the sound of his cried to grace her ears. But it never came.

"T-Toni? Toni!" Cheryl cried out as the seconds went by. 

And then the wonderful sound began. 

"He's okay, Cher. He's okay." Toni's arms found her way around Cheryl. "They're here and they're okay and _beautiful_."

A small pink bundle was put in Cheryl's arms and she looked down at the squirming baby with a watery smile. The baby's face was scrunched up and she wailed unhappily, missing the darkness and warmth of her mother's womb. A moment later, a blue bundle was placed to her, Toni picking Avery up. Little Jason's wide little eyes stared up at her, nose wrinkled but not a cry left him. He stared up at her intently, calmly. Cheryl presses her lips to his little forehead. 

"My beautiful boy."

_**May these words be the first to find your ears. The world is brighter than the sun now that you're here. Though your eyes may need some time to adjust to the overwhelming light surrounding us! I'll give you everything I have, I'll teach you everything I know. I promise, I'll do better. I will always hold you close but I will learn to let you go. I promise, I'll do better. I will soften every edge, I'll hold the world to its best. With every heartbeat I have left, I will defend your every breath. And I'll do better.** _

..................................................................

"Ads, Can I have him now?"

Toni squatted in front of her oldest daughter, who was shaking her head. The twins had been home a few weeks, and Addyson had been attached. She was currently holding-gently-her brother, and had no interest in handing him over. 

"I wanna keep holding him."

"Why don't you go see Aivah? She's been really upset not being the center of attention anymore."

"But I want to hold the new babies."

"I know, baby. But you can't just forget your sister. She's had us all to herself for the past few months and now there's two more babies that require attention too. She's too young to understand that she needs to share us."

"Okay," Addy sighs and lets Toni take Jason. She slides off the couch and runs upstairs to her shared room with Aivah. She peers into the crib, seeing Aivah whining. She manages to lower the edge of the crib by herself and picks Aivah up carefully. She had just gotten the okay to pick her up by herself, but wasn't allowed to leave the room with her without adult supervision. She puts Aivah on her play mat and sits beside her, picking her storybook up as the baby babbles happily and swats at the toys dangling from the cloth bar of the mat. 

"Okay, let me ready you a story. But I'm not good at reading yet, I'm only a first grader. But you're only three months old, so you won't care if I mess up so bad. Right?"

Aivah stares at her with calm, understanding, and Addy smiles. Aivah couldn't speak yet, but Addyson understood every look perfectly.

"I promise, I won't ever forget you. We have a new brother and sister now, but you'll always be my special person. I promise, I'll do better at being a sister."

_**You are loved more than you know, and I hereby pledge all of my days to prove it so. Though your heart is far too young to realize the unimaginable light you hold inside! I'll give you everything I have, I'll teach you everything I know. I promise, I'll do better. I will always hold you close but I will learn to let you go. I promise, I'll do better. I will rearrange the stars, pull them down to where you are. With every heartbeat I have left, I will defend your every breath. And I'll do better.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guys, another vote haha   
> Do you guys want to continue the story from here, or would you like a time jump, like a year or two? I think I'll write better with a time jump, but if you don't want that I think I can manage without one.


	23. What Dreams Become

_**I close my eyes and I can see the world that's waiting up for me, that I call my own. Through the dark, through the door, through where no one's been before but it feels like home. They can say it all sounds crazy, they can say I've lost my mind. I don't care, so call me crazy. We can live in a world that we design. Every night I lie in bed, the brightest colors fill my head. A million dreams are keeping me awake. I think of what the world can be, a vision of the one I see. A million dreams is all it's gonna take. A million dreams for the world we're gonna make.** _

****Thistlehouse was in full swing, children running around, adults chasing after them as they got the children ready for school, daycare and themselves ready for work.

"So, I convinced Pea to switch his weekend with Noah," Ronnie tells Toni, who's trying to get a defiant Avery into her dress. Ronnie adjusts a sleepy Noah on her hip.

"The twins will be so happy. I don't know what they'd do if Noah wasn't at her birthday party. He's pretty much like their brother."

"I think him and the twins think they're  _triplets_."

"Jay!" the struggling toddler says, pouting.

"If you want Jason, you have to let me put your dress on, Avery."

"No."

"Then no Jason."

Avery fixes Toni with her best glare. Toni doesn't let the icy look faze her. They thought Addy was a mini Cheryl, but my god Avery was even more so. Addyson had gotten the best parts of Cheryl, while it seemed like Avery inherited the worst. Avery even looked like Cheryl even more than Addyson did. The same shade of pale skin, same eyes, same long hair with the lightest wave. The only thing the child had from Toni was the freckles across her nose. But Jason, now he was no doubt Toni's son, in personality and looks. His skin was darker than his sisters, just a shade lighter than Toni's. Her caramel eyes, her freckles. The only thing he got from Cheryl was his red hair, but even that was darker red than the other three redheads. His hair was as curly as Addyson's, and neither Cheryl nor Toni could bring themselves to cut it in fear he'd lose them. And Aivah. Nobody would ever believe that the child was adopted. The child's tan skin, beautiful brown eyes and thick brown hair fit right in with Toni and Jason. And personality wise, she was almost a perfect match between both her mothers. Fierce and independent, yet kept her head and was understanding despite her age. They may not be a perfect family, but they were all perfect for each other. 

"Kay," Avery grumbles when her glare isn't getting her what she wants and lets Toni help her into her dress. Once she's dressed she puts her arms up and Toni picks her up, kissing her cheek. "Let's go find your brother, shall me?"

"Yeah!"

Ronnie chuckles and follows her with Noah. They head up the stairs and with smiles, follows the sounds of Jason's giggles. They enter the boys room, finding Jason standing beside Cheryl, talking away although half of his words are a jumbled up mess. 

"Jay!" Avery shouts, squirming and Toni puts her down so she can run to the bed. Ronnie puts a squirming Noah down so he can toddle his way after them. 

"What's going to happen if it doesn't go my way in court?" Ronnie whispers to Toni, seeing the three little ones sitting together on the bed.

"It'll go your way. It  _has_  to."

.................................................................

"And what color is this?" Addyson asks, pointing to the page in the book.

"Paple," Aivah says.

Addyson giggles. "Yeah, It's purple. What bout this one?"

"Boo."

"Yep, blue. And this?"

"Oange." 

"And this?"

"Wed."

"And...this?"

"Wellow."

"Last one. What color is this?"

"Uh. Gween."

 _"Yes!_  High five, Aivah." The giggling two year old slaps her little hand against Addy's. "You know your ABCs and can count to five, which is really good for a two year old."

"Yeah," Aivah says, though she doesn't really understand what her sister is saying.

Addyson gets up, fixing her dress. She pulls Aivah to her feet, and Aivah watches Addy before brushing her hands over her purple shirt and jeans like her sister had done with her red and white dress. "Come on," she takes Aivah's hand and leads her to find their parents. They find them and their siblings downstairs, Cheryl finishing up breakfast as Toni puts Avery in her seat for what felt like the thousandth time. "Avery Eliana, if you don't stay seated, so help me..."

"No."  _No_  was the toddlers favorite word.

"Yes."

"Maybe," she says, turning away from her mother. Addyson tries to hold back her giggle as her and Aivah find their seats. 

"Addyson," Toni sighs, seeing the badly concealed smirk on her oldest daughter's face. 

"We actually wanted to talk to you about something, Addy," Cheryl begins, serving the bacon and eggs to the kids.

"About what?" the eight year old asks curiously. 

"About moving Aivah out of your room and into Avery's. Clearly being too independent isn't helping little miss' attitude," Cheryl gives the pouty toddler a look.

"No! I like living with Aivah! Why can't Avery just move in with us? There's enough room. We can just get a bunk bed, I can sleep up top, Aivah below and Avery gets one of our old beds. Please don't make her move out!"

She shares a look with Toni. "We'll talk about it, okay?"

"Okay," she sighs taking a bite of scrambled eggs.

"Eat up. We don't want you late for school and your siblings late for daycare on the first day back from winter break."

"Kay."

Ronnie, Ellie, Cheryl and Toni fall into quiet chatter while they and the kids eat. They laugh quietly as Jason tries to shove a forkful of his food into Noah's mouth. 

"All done," Addy says eventually and Aivah repeats after her, sliding off her seat. Toni gets up and picks the toddler up. 

"Let's get you cleaned up, little one." Aivah giggles. Jason, who finished, grabs onto Toni's hand. "You need to get cleaned up, too?" He nods silently. "Cher, you got Avery?"

"I do," Cheryl says, picking her up. "Can I fix your hair?"

"Uh huh," Avery nods furiously. 

**_There's a house we can build; every room inside is filled with things from far away. The special things I've complied, each one there to make you smile on a rainy day. **They can say it all sounds crazy, they can say we've lost our minds. I don't care if they call us crazy. We can run away to a world that we designed. Every night I lie in bed, the brightest colors fill my head. A million dreams are keeping me awake. I think of what the world can be, a vision of the one I see. A million dreams is all it's gonna take. A million dreams for the world we're gonna make.**_ **

****"Everyone's ready?" Ronnie asks. She was on dropping off at school and daycare duty. Ellie, Ronnie, Cheryl and Toni all took turns with dropping off and picking up.

"They're all dressed, clean, and has their lunches and bags packed," Cheryl informs her. 

Addyson had her long red curls pulled into a ponytail and sparkly red earrings in her ears that she had gotten for Christmas. She was wearing black leggings on her long legs, red and black striped dress, and black boots with a red backpack with black hearts on her back. Aivah with her shoulder length brown hair in two french braids, wearing a long sleeved purple shirt and jeans with light up pink sneakers, a little sparkly pink backpack on. Avery, her long red hair loose with two little braids keeping her hair out of her face, wearing sheer black tights with a red dress with a white collar. She had a little My Little Pony backpack. Jason with his dark red curls bouncing, a blue t-shirt and jeans and blue camouflage boots with a Ninja Turtles backpack. And the Noah, his short Black hair combed to the side, in a green shirt and black pants, green boots and a backpack identical to Jason's. 

"Okay, load the creatures up," Ronnie laughs, picking Noah and Jason up. 

"Creatures?" Cheryl laughs, picking Avery up. "Aivah," she holds her hand out to her. She takes her hand and they go to the van, the kids getting in. Noah, Jason and Avery get strapped into car seats in the back, Aivah in her carseat in the middle and Addyson beside her. 

"Be good today, babies."

"Okay, Mommy."

"O-kay," Aivah says.

"Kay," says Jason.

And Avery just goes, "no."

"Yes. Bye," she kisses Addy's cheek and closes the door, stepping back as the van pulls away. 

She smiles and goes inside. "Toni, Ellie, we're _finally_ free!"

"Oh thank god, if we had to have them all here all day every day for another minute, I think I'd go mad," Ellie breathes out. 

"And Betty and Jughead are taking the twins and Aivah for the night, and Addy's spending the night with Juniper," Toni says looking up from her phone.

"And Ronnie said Sweet Pea is taking Noah overnight," Cheryl says.

"How long has it been since we've been _completely_ kid free?" Ellie asks.

"Two years," Cheryl and Toni say at the same time.

"Once Ronnie gets back from bringing them, I say we head to Greendale. I could really use a mani pedi and do some shopping for _me_ ," Ellie says, leaning back in her chair.

"I'm loving the sound of freedom, but before the night is over we're going to be missing them," Toni says.

"I _already_ miss them," Cheryl sighs.

"Exhibit A." Toni says and Ellie laughs. "Don't worry, babe. They'll all be back tomorrow after school and then we'll go another two years without being child free."

Cheryl smiles. "I actually like that plan."

"Of course _you_ do," Ellie jokes. "Two years without a break from Avery?"

"I take it back. I want more breaks," Cheryl laughs. "She's just so...so..."

"So pre-Toni you?" Ronnie asks, causing the others to jump. They hadn't realized she had arrived back.

"Yeah. That. You think she'll grow out of it?"

"When she's twenty," Ellie laughs. "Seriously though, she's just going through a really testy stage. She's a good kid, she just has a lot of personality. And is _very_ strong willed. But you turned out just fine, so did Addy, so Avery will be okay too."

"Addy's always been good."

"You forget how she was at two? She was a little she-devil. Once she turned three she turned perfect. I'm still waiting for Aivah to hit a rough stage."

"Don't wish a rough patch on the best behaved toddler in the house," Toni laughs. "Let's just enjoy this beautifully free day before we start work again and we have the kids back."

Cheryl smiles. "Let's."


	24. Our Song

_**You were the shadow to my light, did you see us? Another star, you fade away. Afraid our aim is out of sight, wanna see us alive. Where are you now? Was it all in my fantasy? Where are you now? Were you only imaginary? Where are you now? Atlantis, under the sea. Another dream, the monster's running wild inside of me. I'm faded!** _

****"It's ridiculous! Where does he think he has the right to have him?" Ronnie asks angrily.

Veronica, Cheryl, Toni and Ellie were in Greendale, relaxing as they had a rare treat of getting a mani/pedi as well as massages. Veronica was updating her friends on her current predicament. 

"He _is_ Noah's father, that gives him plenty right," Ellie says dryly. 

"And where has he _been?_  He's never acted like a father! He never _fought_ for us! He signed the divorce papers without a thought, he wasn't there for Noah's _birth_ , he gets him every other weekend and more often than not he either says he can't take him or messages me because he's having trouble with him. He doesn't have the time to parent him! And why _now?_ Why does he all of the sudden want full custody? He never even told me he wanted to see him more, first I hear about it is when I get served!" Cheryl gives her a sympathetic look, as does Toni. 

"He's his _father,_ he shouldn't _have_ to ask for more time to see his son. If you had no help with an almost two year old, you'd be asking for what to do too."

"Who's side are you on, Eliana?" Ronnie scowls. 

"He's my _brother_. You can't expect me to trash talk him, or for me to listen to you trash talk him." She wants to shout, but she doesn't want to spook the women doing their nails. 

Ronnie glares, eyes flashing dangerously. "He's _my_ son. _Your brother_ is basically nothing more than a sperm donor. And hell will freeze over when I let him take my child from me."

 _"Guys,_ " Toni says softly, trying to ease the tense atmosphere. "Can't this wait til we're home?" 

"Fine," Ellie says.

"Whatever," Ronnie snaps, turning her head away from Ellie. 

Cheryl sighs, eyes locking with Toni. _So much for a nice relaxing day._

........................................

"I can't believe you think that I should just hand my son over to your asshole brother!" Ronnie shouts the second they're through the door. 

"You're taking words out of my mouth, Veronica," Ellie snaps right back. 

Cheryl edges out of the room, going for the stairs. "If I want to deal with fighting I'd go get the kids," she mumbles to herself, going to her room. She flops down on the bed beside Piper, who was stretched out of her bed. 

"Let's go on a date," Toni says suddenly, following Cheryl into the room. "It's been forever since we've had a date night without worrying about being out too late. We have no kids tonight, it's a nice January day. Let's go on a date, a real date. Let me take you out to a nice dinner, let's dress up like we used to. Let's just have a blissful night."

Cheryl smiles widely. "You had me sold from your first sentence," she says, pressing her lips to Toni's. "They can fight all they want, but just because they're miserable doesn't mean we have to be."

Toni chuckles and gives her a last kiss before heading to the closet, pulling out a deep purple dress and grabs her makeup bag. "Get ready, babe." She disappears out of the room.

Cheryl pushes herself up and goes to her closet, and smiles as she pulls out her favorite red dress. "I've missed you." She got into her dress-cherry red, off the shoulders sleeves, plunged neckline, hugging her hips perfectly and falling just above her knees. She sits down, running a brush through her red locks and decides to just leave it down. She does her makeup, and lastly pulls out her famous red lipstick. Cherry red lips smile, as she gets a glimpse of her former self-but also a more improved Cheryl Blossom. This Cheryl may look like her former self, but she was far from it. She wasn't any HBIC, or a lovesick girlfriend or abused child. She was a wife and a mother to four children. And she couldn't be prouder of her journey of development. She slipped her feet into red heels and stepped out of the room, just as Toni stepped out of the bathroom.

 _"Wow,"_ Toni breathed. 

"Wow yourself," Cheryl says softly. 

After being together for nearly ten years-being married for eight of the years-they still found themselves lost in each others beauty. Their love was still very much alive, and they didn't think it's ever die. They'd been through hell and back, and spent the first two years as girlfriends going through tragedy and they were thrown into parenthood through more tragedy, but it didn't break them. They had some bumps, but they stayed strong. From Addy to Aivah to the twins. Instead of being reminders of a bad past, the children were light in the darkness, a reason to keep pushing forward, to be better, regardless. 

"Shall we?" Toni asks, holding out a hand to her.

With a smile, Cheryl takes her hand. "We shall. What do we tell the sourpusses downstairs?"

"Who says we have to tell them anything?" With a giggle, Cheryl lets Toni lead her downstairs and out the door. Cheryl opens the garage to reveal the cherry red convertible that had nowhere near as much use as it did pre-twins life. With four kids, the dark red SUV was much more spacious and convenient. She only pulled her car out when it was just her and Addy typically. 

"Let me?" Toni asks, holding her hand out and without hesitation Cheryl hands her the keys with the cherry key chain. They get into the car, careful of their dresses. Toni starts the car, and drives off. She smiles at the laminated photo on the dashboard. It was a photo of Addyson and Aivah-the one she took the day they brought Aivah home and the two met. And they've been inseparable since despite the six and a half year age difference.  

"We'll have to add a new one. Maybe the one from Christmas?" Cheryl says, seeing the smile.

Toni smiles wider. She knew exactly what photo she was talking about. It was from just two weeks ago. Addyson laying down on her stomach in front of the tree, chin propped up by her hands in a sparkly red dress, her red curls pulled back by a red bow. Aivah, also in a red dress, sitting beside her with a red bow keeping brown strands from her face. Avery cross legged in leggings and a red sweater with a cheeks grin, long red hair in two braids. Jason mimicking his sister's pose, a happy smile gracing his face.

"I love that one."

"I can't believe we got Avery to sit nicely long enough," Cheryl laughs. 

"She's a cheeky little thing, that's for sure. Just like you."

"Hey!" Cheryl laughs. "She has too much personality for a little child. She'll mellow out. Addy did."

"True. We love her no matter how much of a handful she is."

"We love them all." 

.................................................................

"I missed this," Cheryl says softly as they finish their dinner.

"It _is_ a beautiful place," Toni muses. 

"Yes. But I wasn't talking about the restaurant-I was talking about being just me and you, no matter where we are." 

Toni takes her hand from across the table. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"I should be the one asking you that, TT. Some days I can't believe you're actually real."

Toni looks down, cheeks flushing. She thanks her darker skin for helping hide her reddened cheeks. "You speak too highly of me, babe."

"I really don't. How many people would have stayed with me through all this, starting back to when we were still kids?"

"If they knew the real you, they would have."

"No, I don't think they would've. Because one of them were _you._ "

Toni bites back the tears and rubs her thumb over her wife's hand. But a smile slowly graces her lips as she hears the song overhead, eyes flitting to the dance floor in the middle of the bust restaurant, couples swaying in expensive dresses and suits. "Babe, listen."

"It's our wedding song," Cheryl breathes.

_Did not know when we met how far we'd get. Do you feel the same way? As soon as I leave you, I got to see you. Do you feel the same way?_

Toni pushes back, getting up and offering a hand to Cheryl. "Dance with me."

Cheryl takes the outstretched hand and lets Toni lead her to the floor, happy it wasn't too crowded.

_You won’t go where I won’t go, do you know what you’re doing to me? When I take another step, do you know what you do to me? Don’t fall, don’t feel. But I sink farther._

"I love you, so much." They were brought back, memories of the wedding flooding their beautiful minds. It felt like yesterday, yet forever ago at the at time. The wedding for a while was overshadowed by Addy's birth, which had begun during the wedding itself. 

_Do you feel the same way? And I know I’ll see you, I can’t avoid you. Do you feel the same way? You won’t show what I won’t show, do you know what you’re doing to me?_

"I love you, too, my love. _So_ much."

_And I take another step, do you know what you do to me? I cannot keep myself away while I’m falling hard for you._

"Do you want to go home?" Toni whispers, giving Cheryl a heavy look, biting her lip.

 _"God,_ yes," Cheryl breathes. 

_I’ve never known this kind of love, I can’t help it I’m falling hard for you. You won’t say, you won’t show how you feel. How do you feel?_

Cheryl pays for the bill, after some disagreement from Toni's part, and they were on their way. Toni kept Cheryl's soft hand in her own during the ride from Greendale to Riverdale. Toni parks the car quietly, and Cheryl huffs a little.

"No need to be quiet, TT," she smirks. "God knows we won't be once we make it to the bedroom."

 _"Cheryl!"_ Toni gasps with a laugh.

Cheryl walks in the door, pausing and giving her a sultry smile. "Coming, _ma cherie?"_

Toni visibly gulps, unable to contain the smirk and follows her wife through the door.

 


	25. When She Left

_**Set your dreams where nobody hides, give your tears to the tide. No time, no time...** _

_"Are you kidding me right now?" Veronica shouts in exasperation, clutching her phone tightly in her hand. "No, I am not switching weekends! Cancel your plans with that bitch you're cheating on me with and take your fucking son,_ Jordan _."  
_

 _"We aren't even together anymore, Ronnie. I'm_ not _cheating," he says in an annoyed tone, his words slurred slightly. "You chose to have_ Cheryl _and_ Toni," _he says the names with hatred laced in, "raise_ my _son with you instead of coming home."  
_

_"If you weren't drinking all the time, and making foul, selfish choices then maybe I never would have left!"_

_"Me? I'm the one making bad choices?_ You _left_ me! _You packed a bag and left while pregnant without as much as a goodbye!"_

_"Because I was afraid of what you'd do if I said I was leaving."_

_"Are you fucking kidding? I would never,_ ever _hurt you!_ Especially _not when you were pregnant with my son!"_

_"I never thought you'd hurt Addy ever, and you still did."_

_"That was a year ago Veronica!"_

_"Yet you've never apologized-at least not one that you meant. I tried fighting for us, Pea. Believe me, I did!"_

_"Right," he scoffs._

_"I tried to help when you first started drinking, and you ignored me. And then you hurt Addy and I begged you to get help. You saw a therapist twice instead of going to rehab, and then stopped altogether."_

_"You left me, why should I have continued?"_

_"To help yourself, damn it! To show me you had changed for me to want to go home! For Noah! Instead you try to get your family fired from the precinct and you start sleeping around!"_

_"What did you expect me to do, Veronica?"_

_"To be better!"_

_.................................................._

_"Ma!"_

_Noah_ _cried as Sweet Pea took him out of his mother's arms._

_"And now you're turning our son against me?" He practically growls._

_"He's eleven months old, Sweet Pea! He says two words, I hardly doubt he could be manipulated. He's crying because you barely see him! You have the opportunity to see him all the time but you cancel on him half the time. He hasn't seen you in three weeks! So of course he's crying. He doesn't understand."_

_He just huffs and takes the bag she offers to him and storms into the apartment. She closes her eyes, willing herself not to cry as her son's distressed screams fade away. She gets into her car, driving away slowly as she wills her vision to stop blurring. She taps on the screen, making a call._

_"Ronnie?" Cheryl's voice fills the air from the car speakers._

_"Cher? I need you to come get me," she sobs, pulling into Pop's parking lot. "I'm at Pop's. I-I can;t drive right now."_

_"I'll be there in five."_

_She takes deep, calming breaths as she waits.True to her word, Cheryl's red convertible pulls into Pop's. Ronnie climbs out of the car, confused as Cheryl does the same._

_"Let's get a milkshake, talk it out with me okay? Toni and Betty have the kids, so I have all the time in the world," Cheryl says gently, placing a hand on her shoulder. She lets Cheryl guide her inside the shop, ducking her head at concerned look on FP's face. Pop was still around, but with his age he wasn't able to be at the diner all day everyday; he was there mostly on weekday mornings when business was slower. FP all but owned it, but they had no doubt that Pop would leave him the diner- he had been managing it for nearly nine years._

_"Talk to me," Cheryl pleads as the two sit in a booth away from prying eyes._

_"I can't keep doing this anymore," Ronnie sniffs, wiping her cheek with her jacket sleeve. FP wordlessly places a strawberry and chocolate milkshake on the table. He knew their orders well enough the never had to order. He leaves them in peace, but she was sure she'd be getting a phone call from him that night._

_"Do what, honey?" Cheryl takes her hand, sipping her drink._

_"Do this, to us. To Noah. He wouldn't stop crying when I gave him to Pea, Cher. It ripped my heart out. I couldn't do anything. Maybe he was right. Maybe I should just go home."_

_"No. You go back, and you're both miserable and is Noah any better off? You can't do that to yourself or that little boy."_

_"It just...it hurts, Cheryl. It hurts," she sobs. Cheryl moves around so she's sitting beside her friend, arms folding around._

_"You'll get through this. Noah will get through this. You have so many people who love you and your beautiful little boy. And we'll get through this together."_

_**There's no end, there is no goodbye. Disappear with the night. No time...** _

"Am I making the right choice?" Ronnie asks Toni warily, looking up at the small house that was now her own. Toni grips her arm with a warm smile.

"You are. You're just a few minutes away from Thistlehouse. You'll still see us all the time, and you can always call. And you know that Cher and I are always up for watching Noah. You have a stable job, and now you have your own home. This is one step closer to making sure you win in court in two weeks. Noah can have his room painted any color he wants and Jason and Avery can sleep over with him all the time, and he can have sleepovers with us. And we'll still carpool to daycare. And _you_ can stay over whenever you need to."

"Thank you, Toni. _Truly_."

**_No time..._ **

Ronnie turned the key, opening the door and they stepped inside. The kitchen was small but neat, a dining room with a rectangular table. A spacious living room, with a leather couch left behind. She knew what spot to put her TV. There was a small office. They went up carpeted stairs, first looking into the master bedroom. 

"It's beautiful," Toni says, as they look around. A large queen bed sat in the center. Toni looked into the walk in closet. 

"Let's look at the other rooms."

Next door down was a bathroom, then beside that was a large room that no doubt had hosted a child previously from the _Cars_ bed left behind and blue and white wallpaper. "This will be Noah's."

Last room was a simple spare bedroom with white walls.

"We're going to be okay?" Ronnie asks.

"You're going to be okay. We _all_ are."

**_No time..._ **


	26. We Will Rise

_**You're broken down and tired of living life on a merry-go-round. You can' find a fighter, but I see it in you so we gonna walk it out. And move mountains, we gonna walk it out and move mountains. And I'll rise up, I'll rise like the day! I'll rise unafraid, and I'll do it a thousand times again. I'll rise up, high like the waves, I'll rise up in spite up of the ache and I'd do it a thousand times again for you.** _

 Veronica's breathing sped up as they waited for the judge to arrive. She didn't want to be _here_ , she _never_ wanted to. She was so used to having Noah, she didn't know what would happen to her or her child if she lost this battle. Noah couldn't go for a visit without screaming, how could they put him in the care of someone that her little boy didn't want to see? She looks behind her, to Toni and Cheryl who give her encouraging smiles and nods. They were here for her.

The judge walked out. "All rise."

 Her knuckles she was sure were turning white, her mind spinning from the silent prayers. She wasn't a very religious person, but if there was a god, she was praying he wouldn't let her child be taken from her, especially by her ex-husband.

 "Cadenza vs. Lodge. We're here to decide custody of your son, Noah Cadenza?"

 "Yes, your honor."

 "Alright. Let us begin."

 ..........................................................................................................

It was so much back and forth. Sweet Pea and his lawyer were throwing everything they had at her and what little confidence she had going in was beginning to waver. Everything her lawyer said, his had something to throw right back her way. That's when they decided to pull out their next play- putting Polly to the stand. The one witness to the day Addyson was hurt, because even though they had originally decided not to bring that up since it could potentially also reflect badly on her as well, but their hand was forced.

Polly swore her oath and took the stand. Ronnie didn't miss the confused look on Sweet Pea's face, which quickly turned to shock when he realized what it was about. He shot daggers at Ronnie, and she knew he was considering this fighting dirty.

"November 11th, 2025 six year old Addyson Blossom-Topaz was under the care of Jordan Cadenza and Veronica Lodge while her parents, Cheryl and Toni Blossom-Topaz, were out of state. Addyson had triggers after her family went through a trauma and had melted down into a panic. I was trying to talk to Addy to calm her down but the Jordan grabbed her and pulled her into a bedroom. He hit her, hard enough to hear and hard enough to leave marks. She missed a day of school because she couldn't sit without pain. That's what happens when he loses his temper with a child."

"He's never hurt _his_ child, who's the one in question," Pea's lawyer argues.

"He never hurt Addy either until he had her a whole week instead of an occasional weekend, the same as he has with Noah. Is it worth it to see if he'll hurt his kid?"

Toni was the next called to the stand, and Ronnie was beginning to feel more optimistic.

"Veronica called me last week because she was upset. When she brought Noah to see Jordan, Noah had been unconsolable. And that wasn't a first time, my wife and I have had to bring Noah to visits because it was hard watching her child scream and cry. It was _my_ child he hurt, and no he never hurt her after that but that was because he was never allowed alone with her after that. It wasn't worth my child getting hurt."

........................................................................................................

"I'm so worried," Ronnie says, head resting on Cheryl's shoulder.

Toni sat on her other side, rubbing her arm soothingly. "It's going to be okay, Ronnie."

"What if it isn't?" She whispers. "I can't lose him, T. I _can't!"_

"I think we have a strong case. I think you're both going to be okay. That when we're called back in, that you'll win. And we'll go home and you'll get Noah from Betty and you'll give him a big hug and be able to truly tell him everything's okay."

Ronnie sniffs, wiping her cheeks and rests her head back on Cheryl's shoulder and lets the redhead just hold her.

Heels click as her lawyer walks back to her. "It's time."

They made their way back into the courtroom. Cheryl and Toni found their seats while Ronnie took her place up front with her lawyer. The judge came out, taking her place. "After careful consideration, I've made my decision. I am granting full custody to..."

**_And the silence isn't quiet, and it feels like it's getting hard to breathe. And I know you feel like dying but I promise we'll take the world to it's feet and move mountains. And I'll rise up, I'll rise like the day! I'll rise up, I'll rise unafraid, and I'll do it a thousand times again._ **

"Come on, buddy," Betty says, taking Noah's hand when she hears the knock on the door. She picks him up and carries him to the door, opening it. He had spent the weekend with Sweet Pea, then had gone straight to Betty that morning before court.

"Hey there," Cheryl says, reaching for him. Betty gives her a questioning look and Cheryl nods. She carries him to the car, bucking him in.

"Where we going?" He asks in his little voice, words mashed together. 

"I'm bringing you home."

"Home?"

"Home," she says, giving him a smile. She played the twins' music in the car, and smiled at Noah's attempt of singing along. She pulled into the driveway and got out, taking him out. He kicks his legs, squirming in her arms. She laughs. "Impatient, are we?"

She puts him down and his little legs carry him up the stairs. The door opens and he runs into Veronica's arms. "Mommy!"

"Hey, baby," she laughs, scooping him up and hugging him tightly. "I missed you." She kisses his cheek. 

He giggles loudly. "How would you feel about getting some ice cream?"

"With Jay?"

Ronnie chuckles and looks at Cheryl. "I'm sure Jason would love to spend the day with you, buddy. Catch up with you Mommy and I'll go get him for you, okay?"

"Kay!"

Ronnie watches with a bright smile as Cheryl's convertible pulls away. 

"I love you, Noah."

"Love you, Mommy."

_**All we need is hope, and for that we have each other. We will rise! We will rise up. I'll rise up, bright like the day. I'll rise up, in** **spite of the ache. I will rise a** **thousand** **times again. And we'll rise up, high like the waves. We'll rise up, in spite of the ache. I'll rise up and we'll do it a thousand times again for you.**_


	27. Queens Don't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> So, I'm back! For now at least. 
> 
> Warning: There is smut in this. I am AWFUL at smut so fair warning. Probably very cringey. But I tried! 
> 
> Hope you at least semi enjoy this chapter!

**_I wasn't raised in a castle, I grew up on the outskirts of town. No dresses with golden tassels, the rings on mu hand are handed down. But I'm gonna find the one who needs me, sees me and treats me like I'm already royalty. There ain't nothing priceless on my wrist, I may not fly private, but that don't mean I ain't a queen._ **

Cheryl sighed contentedly as she walked down the shoreline, bare feet walking across the cool sand. The sight of the sun lowering in the California sky left her in a blissful feeling. One of her hands were held comfortably in Toni's warm hands. Her other hand was holding onto Addyson's.

Aivah, Avery and Jason had stayed behind back in Riverdale with Betty and Jughead and their daughter Lainey. Veronica had promised to help out if the couple got overwhelmed. They had brought Addy along with them on vacation, knowing she wouldn't be much of a hassle and the child needed serious one on one time with them. She was a fabulous big sister, but sometimes she wore resentment on her face when her younger siblings took up too much time and attention. They had gotten a hotel suite- they had a master bedroom, and Addyson was given some freedom (and them some privacy) with a separate room in their suite. 

"Babe, wait."

Toni got a hold on the camera around her neck, pulling it up to her eye. Cheryl released her hand for a moment so Toni could capture the perfect shot of the pink and red sky.

"It's so pretty, Mommy," Addyson breathed with a big smile on her face. "It's like a painting."

"It's _prettier_ than a painting," Cheryl says, hugging Addy against her. 

"Yeah, prettier," she says, moving to Cheryl's other side so she can take both her mother's hands in her own. "Can we stay out here til it's over?"

Cheryl shares a look with Toni and they smile. "I guess we can, Ads."

.............................................................................

**_Queens don't hate, queens don't fight, queens don't stay unless their queen treats them right. Every jewel on my crown, you better believe I earned it. Don't keep people around that don't believe I deserve it. Queens ain't fake, a queen's gonna rule just the way she was raised. I ain't bout to let nobody come and take me off this thrown, some girls might but queens don't._ **

"I love you," Toni murmured against Cheryl's neck. Cheryl wanted to answer, but she couldn't find the words. At least not while Toni's lips were attacking her neck, her hot breath blowing across her throat with every word. She felt Toni's lips form a smirk against her neck at her inability to speak. Cheryl's breath catches when she feels Toni's hand slide up under her shirt. 

"Addy," is all Cheryl manages to say.

"Is asleep," Toni says, moving her head up to press her lips to Cheryl's. "And she's a _deep_ sleeper."

That was all Cheryl's desperate mind needed. Her arms wrapped around Toni's shoulders, pulling her impossibly closer. Toni hums in contentment, kissing her deeply, her hand continuing to glide up Cheryl's toned stomach to cup her breast in her hand. Cheryl moans into Toni's mouth, her own hands sliding down her spine to her backside. "TT-"

"Shh." She pulls Cheryl's top over her head, her mouth taking over for her hands on her wife's breast. Cheryl's hand found its way threaded through Toni's fading pink locks. After Toni was satisfied, she turned her attention to her other breast. 

"T-" Cheryl whined when Toni's kisses trailed downwards. Oh, how the redhead had missed this. Not _this,_ per say. But the intimacy, the love, the attention given to each other. They wouldn't trade parenthood for anything, but sometimes their relationship got lost in it all. They focused so much of their children's needs and often forgot about their _own_ needs and cravings. Their need to touch, be it a hand on a knee or hand in hand, or in a more intimate nature. Cheryl could feel an _"I love you"_ and _"I need you"_ in every kiss pressed against her stomach down to her waist. She sucked a deep breath in when Toni's fingers hooked the waistband of her shorts and pulled them down, excruciatingly slow. "Toniiii," she whines again. 

"Impatient, are we?" Toni smirks. But who was she kidding it? She was as needy as her wife, which is why she didn't waste a moment before moving her fingers through her folds. Toni felt Cheryl's hold in her hair tighten. She replaced her fingers with her mouth, Cheryl's quiet moans and whimpers music to her ears. She sucked on the bundle of nerves, adding her fingers back. 

The night was still young, and both women planned on making the most of it. 

...........................................................................

**_I don't need the tallest tower to prove to anyone I ain't weak. I turn my pain into power, every tear's a diamond on my cheek._ **

"Mmm," Toni moaned when she began to come through. She wondered briefly what had woken her, until she felt hot kisses to her clavicle. "Cher," she chuckles. 

"Good morning, sleeping beauty," Cheryl says, her musical voice and fresh breath telling her that she had been awake for some time.

"What time is it?" she asks, propping herself up. She saw that Cheryl was fully clothed much to her dismay, while she herself was still bare from the night before. 

"Just after nine. Addy woke me up about an hour ago. I turned on the TV and gave her a fruit cup to tide her over until breakfast. Though she's bound to be hungry against soon- she must be growing, she's been doing nothing but eating lately."

"Our baby's growing up," Toni pouts a little, sitting up. She pulls Cheryl closer to press a kiss to her lips.

"Morning breath," Cheryl chuckles and Toni just kisses her again with a giggle. "Mm. I love you."

"And I love you, so much," Toni breathes. She pushes the cover off of her. "I need a shower. Wanna join me?"

"I'd love to, but last thing we need is Addy not able to find us and end up finding us in the shower together. That's a conversation I don't want to have with her just yet. But, I will be more than happy to join you tonight."

"I'm going to hold you to that, my love," Toni gives one last, deep kiss before getting up. She looks back at Cheryl who's eyes can't help but roam over her naked body. She smirks, knowing Cheryl's longing eyes were still following her. Cheryl looks away once the door closed and gets up, stretching. She wanders out to the living room where Addyson was still sprawled out on the couch in front of the flat screen. 

"Hey, baby," Cheryl said, a smile automatically forming on her face. 

"Hi, Mommy!" Addy sits up quickly. "Is Mama up yet? I'm starved," she says dramatically. 

"She is," she sits on the couch beside her. "She's just taking a quick shower then we'll go get breakfast."

"At the breakfast buffet?" She asks hopefully.

"Yes, at the breakfast buffet," Cheryl laughs as Addyson fist bumps the air. "Now, why don't you go get changed, huh?" 

"Kay," she rolls off the couch and runs into her room.

Cheryl pulls out her phone to see any updates and sees a text from Betty. She opens the message and smiles at the photo sent to her. Five kids pose in front of a statue at the zoo it appears. Jason smiling huge at the camera, dark red-brown curls covering his forehead, Toni's caramel eyes lit up. Noah, glued to his side as usual, straight black hair blowing in the breeze with a similar huge smile. Avery in the center, arms folded. Her fiery red hair pulled into two french braids, Cheryl'd chocolate eyes glimmering with her sassy smirk gracing her lips. Aivah and Lainey hugging each other, their faces clearly mid laugh. Aivah's dark brown hair in two short ponytails, Lainey's blonde hair pulled back in a pink bow. It warmed her heart, seeing how close they all were. And how Betty, Jughead and Veronica were making sure her youngest children didn't miss out or feel left out that they stayed home while their older sister got to go. 

The door swung open and Addyson bounded over to her. "I'm ready!" She had on pink and purple striped leggings with a pink t-shirt with a sparkly purple butterfly on the front. She held out her red brush to Cheryl, a purple bow in her other hand. "Can you do my hair, Mommy?"

"Yes, sit," she moved so Addy could sit cross legged on the couch in front of her. Cheryl began brushing through her red ringlets, brushing them up into a neat high ponytail. She wrapped a hair tie tightly around her locks and once it was secure, she clipped the sparkly bow into it. "There."

"Beautiful?" Addy asks.

"Very beautiful. But you're _always_ beautiful."

"I know," Addyson smiles brightly. "I always _feel_ beautiful too." She wraps her arms around Cheryl's neck. And those few words made Cheryl know she was doing her job right. That no matter how many times she felt like a failure, she wasn't. Because Addyson was raised in every way she was not. She was a happy, loved, _proud_ child. A child who wasn't afraid to be bold, or wear bright colors or leather jackets because she could be who she wanted. And Cheryl hoped that when she was _much_ older, she would know she could bring home or boy or a girl and know there was no shame in loving whoever she loved. Cheryl was sure she knew. And that made her _proud_. 

"Whoa, what'd I miss?" Toni's voice breaks the mother/daughter duo apart. 

"Just Addy growing up even _more_."

"What? No!" Toni puts a hand on her heart feigning hurt. "You have to stop growing. You have to stay little forever, baby."

Addy shakes her head. "No can do," she giggles. Toni wraps her arms around her, laughing. "Can we get food now?"

"I guess so," she mock groans, hauling Addy up with her. Cheryl gets up, taking Addy's outstretched hand. "Come on then."

They left their suite, making sure they all had their key cards on them. They headed to the elevator to get the the ground floor where the buffet was at. "Can I press the button?"

"Go ahead, baby," Toni gives her the go ahead. 

Addy presses the button with the star on it and they began the descent. "I can't wait for pancakes," Addy says, skipping between them when they leave the elevator. Both parents chuckle. They lead the overexcited child in the directions to get to the breakfast buffet. They arrive and sign in, and get led to their table. They order drinks and the hostess leaves them. "Can I go yet? Can I?" 

"Yes, baby," Cheryl laughs and they get up. They head to the buffet, them allowing the eight year old to get her own food and trusting her to get one of them if she needs help. Toni arrives to the table first, and the moment she sits Cheryl and Addy arrive. 

"I got pancakes."

"I see," Toni smiles at her. The two redheads sit. Cheryl takes a sip of her orange juice as Addy goes to town on her pancakes. Toni shakes her head endearingly as she bites into her sausage. They eat n comfortable silence besides an occasional comment from Addyson. 

As they thank their hostess and head out of the buffet, Addy turns to them excitedly. "Can we go to the beach-side water park? Or ride horses on the beach? Or whale watch?" 

"Hm. Well, what do you want to do the most?" Cheryl asks. Addyson's nose wrinkles as she puts her thinking face on. 

"I really wanna see some real life whales and dolphins!"

"Well, I guess that's what we're doing today then."

"Wait! Really? Like, really really?"

"Really really," Cheryl laughs as Addyson jumps up and down with an excited squeal. Addyson finds herself between the two of them, hands in hands. 

**_Queens don't break, the just get stronger. There ain't nothing they can't conquer..._ _Queens don't hate, queens don't fight, queens don't stay unless their queen treats them right. Every jewel on my crown, you better believe I earned it. Don't keep people around that don't believe I deserve it. Queens ain't fake, a queen's gonna rule just the way she was raised. I ain't bout to let nobody come and take me off this thrown, some girls might but queens don't._ **


	28. The Best Proposal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in a few days. Whew, who'd have thought. This is another sweet little one. Also, just Choni and our favorite kid on this one too! (They're all cute kids, but let's be real: Addy is #1)

_**Remember those walls I built? Well baby they're tumbling down. They didn't even put up a fight, didn't even make a sound. I found a way to let you in, but I never really had a doubt. Standing in the light of your halo, I got my angel now. It's like I've been awakened, every rule I had you breaking, it's the risk I was taking. I ain't never gonna shut you out.**_

****"I want to stay here forever."

Toni chuckles, looking down at Addyson. "You say that every place we go, sweetheart."

"This time I _really_ mean it!" She says in a serious tone. "There's nothing like _this_ at home, Mama."

"You're right about that," Toni says, looking over to Cheryl. Her wife was leaning against the railing, eyes trained on the sea. Cheryl had been completely enamored by the sights of the whales on the whale watch expedition. Addyson had jumped and squealed, finger pointing excitedly every tie a whale was spotted. But Cheryl just watched in silent awe. Toni took every opportunity to snap photos of them both through the trip. Toni wasn't quite sure last time Cheryl had been in this much awe at something-maybe when she first held the twins in her arms after a grueling labor and birth. 

"We can't see the land anymore. We're really far out," Addyson point out, looking around excitedly. "It'd be a _long_ swim if we get shipwrecked by a whale crash."

 _Shipwrecked_ caught Cheryl's attention. "What?"

"Nothing," Toni says quickly as Addyson dissolves into giggles. 

Cheryl moves closer to them, knowing full well what she heard but choosing to ignore the thought. "Enjoying this, Ads?"

"Very much so," she leans against Cheryl. "We should make this a tradition."

"Whale watching?"

"Not exactly. Just us three going away. I love Aivah and Avery and JJ, but I miss it just being _us_."

Cheryl kneels down so she's Addyson's level. "I'll tell you what, kiddo. If we can stick to closer to home stuff, we can look at having maybe a monthly just us three day. How does that sound?"

Addy looks up at Toni for confirmation, and she smiles and nods at her. She throws her arms around Cheryl's neck. "Yes!" 

Both parents laugh at the child's excitement. 

 **_Everywhere_ ** _**I'm looking now, I'm surrounded by your embrace. Baby I can see your halo, you know you're my saving grace. You're everything I need and more, it's written all over your face. Baby I can feel your halo, pray it won't fade away. I see your halo!** _

****"Is she okay?" Cheryl craned her neck to look towards the main pool where Addyson was swimming in with some kids she had met.

"Babe, she's _fine_. This place is heavily secured from the amount of kids in here. We had to sign her in remember? They won't let her leave without us, alone or with someone. And if she even looks like she's struggling to swim, a lifeguard would help immediately. She's _eight,_ she's not so little anymore." Despite her own words, there was still an ounce of sadness in Toni's tone when she said that Addy wasn't little anymore.

"They're all growing up," Cheryl sighs. "Addy is in third grade, Aivah and the twins are growing up so fast."

"I wish they'd slow down, stay little for a while." Cheryl hums, nodding in agreement as she leans back against her chair. 

Cheryl goes back to massaging Toni's feet which are laying in her lap. "I'm going to miss this when we go back home. The quiet, the relaxation, our only child with us being old and independent enough to send off so we have alone time."

"Then I propose that once we're home, we have _at least_ a bi-weekly date night. Ellie, Ronnie, Polly or Betty can take the kids or divide them up after school once a month. Then we can have An afternoon together, go out to eat, relax, and have long, interrupted sex," Toni says, lowering her voice for the last part.

"I think that's the second best proposal you've ever said."

"Second best?" Ton raises an eyebrow.

"First best was when you asked me to marry you," Cheryl says with a smile. "It was the best moment of my life, apart from parenthood. I remember every detail still. The blue dress you were wearing, that beautiful speech that brought me to tears, how the fireworks went off when we kissed, literally and figuratively. It was the most amazing feeling ever." She looks down at Toni's grandmother's ring with a smile. 

_"Come on," Toni tugged Cheryl's hand leading her to a secluded part of the boat._

_"The fireworks-"_

_"We can see them from here. I promise. But...I have to talk to you first."_

_"TT?"_

_She chuckles nervously. "I had a whole speech planned and everything but it just...doesn't feel right anymore. Cheryl, I love you. So much. I haven't felt like this ever, and I know I never will because you're it for me. I know we're still just kids, but I know what I want. I want you, now and forever." She takes the velvet box out of her clutch._

_"Toni..."_

_"There's still so much more life for us. Still two more years of school. One more year until we're even adults. But I don't want to wait for this." She opens the box, revealing the sparkling ring that was so familiar, that she had seen in photos and one of Toni's prized possessions. Toni's grandmothers ring. "Cheryl Marjorie Blossom, will you do the honor of one day becoming my wife?"_

_The silence was deafening as Cheryl stared in partial shock. But the moment of terrifying silence was interrupting with the most radiant smile Toni had ever seen on her girlfriend's face. "I would love nothing more than to be yours, now and forever. So yes, my answer will always be yes."_

_Toni's lips collided into Cheryl's, and it felt like sparks flew as the sky burst into color, fireworks bursting. The booming sound and beautiful pictures in the sky held no flame to the couple below them, in each other's arms, no longer girlfriends but fiances, lucky ones who were blessed to find their missing pieces, their soulmates, despite how young they were. And no matter what life threw at them, they knew they would be okay_. 

"Yeah, I guess that was definitely the best proposal. Marrying you was the best thing I've ever done. Marrying you, adopting Addy, having the twins, adopting Aivah. Who would have thought our lives would go this direction?"

"Not me," Cheryl laughs, wiping a tear forming on her lashes. "I wouldn't have traded any of what we went through for anything else."

"Mommy?" They look to see Addy standing not far from them, concerned on her little features. "Are you crying?"

"Happy tears, baby," Cheryl opens her arms for her and Addyson giggles and throws herself into them. Cheryl didn't care that her daughter had just gotten out of the pool and was getting her all soaked. Toni joined into the hug when Addy reached for her. 

"I love you, baby."

"I love you both. You're the best moms ever," she giggles.

"We'll see if you still feel the same way when you're a teenager," Cheryl jokes.

"I will. Even if I get sassy, I always will." Addyson says that with so much conviction. In that moment, they both wished they could keep her so young and sweet and innocent forever. But they knew that they couldn't, and they knew that it'd always be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those who read "How Do You Feel?" there was a little flashback to the chapter Toni proposed to Cheryl for you! I couldn't not mention that moment and not include it.


	29. The People We Choose

**_When I see your smile, the tears roll down my face and I can't replace. And now that I'm strong I have figured out how this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul, and I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one. I will never let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever. I'll stand up for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven._ **

"Where's Mommy?"

Addyson asks, walking down the pier, hand in hand with Toni. The two were heading to the boardwalk where an arcade, some rides, candy and taffy shops and some ice cream shoppes resided. 

"Mommy is taking care of business, baby. So you and I are spending the afternoon together."

"What kind of business, Mama?"

"Just some stuff that happened back home, she needs to make some really important phone calls."

"So just me and you?"

"Just me and you."

"Okay," she shrugs finally. Toni is relieved- she half expected her daughter to demand to wait for Cheryl. Addy spent time with Toni, sure, but typically when Cheryl wasn't an option. Toni had Aivah and Jason who were attached to her, but that didn't mean she didn't want Addy and Avery's love. "Can we go to the arcade?"

"We sure can," Toni says enthusiastically. Addy giggles and the pair head to the arcade, hand in hand once again. Addy pulls her over to some games. Toni feeds money into a machine that puts game points on a card. She hands the card to Addyson who takes her hand, dragging her over to a row of games. 

"Play with me," Addy says and Toni very happily agrees to her demand. Addy climbs onto the chair to a racing game. "And don't let me win. I wanna kick your butt fair and square."

"Ooh, confident, aren't we?" Addyson gives her a very Cheryl smirk and nods. "Let's do this." 

The two face each other over multiple rounds, both winning some and even losing some to the computer racers. The two laughed and made challenges and had a blast. Eventually they moved on, Toni introducing Addy to pac-man, though the child had more interest in watching her mother's determination to not get eaten by the little ghosts than she was n playing herself. She just leaned against the game, watching Toni play level after level, and often getting excited herself and cheering when levels were won. They played a few more games, and eventually Addyson talked her into the claw machine with the giant balls. She asked Toni to take over that one, and the Serpent carefully make calculations and took her time, winning her daughter a ball half the size of her. In the end, from the amount of tickets they had collected over the many won games, Addyson got herself a stuffed animal dolphin from the prize booth. 

"I _love_ it," Addy says hugging the toy as they walked out of the arcade. "Can we go on the ferris wheel now, Mama?" She points at the massive wheel overlooking the water. Toni swallows-she may be a badass gang member, but she just happened to be afraid of being up high, and the ferris wheel was _very_ high. But she looked at Addy's hopeful face and couldn't bring herself to turn her down, or admit her fear.

"Of course, sweetheart."

Addy excitedly pulled her over to the ride. The two found themselves in a cart that rose higher and higher...and _higher._ Toni looked over the edge warily. She looked over when she felt a hand squeeze her own. "It's not gonna break, Mama. It's safe up here, right?"

"Of course it's safe, baby," she puts an arm around her. She kisses the top of her head. "I wouldn't have taken you on anything that wasn't safe."

"I know," Addy smiles at her. _God, she looks more and more like Cheryl everyday,_ Toni thinks, tucking a a stray curls behind Addyson's ear.  She scoots over, leaning against Toni with a content sigh when they reach the top, the cart pausing to let other passengers on and off. "Mama!" She points and in the distance, they could make out the breathtaking sight of dolphins jumping out of the water. Toni grabs the camera around her neck and snaps some zoomed in photos. "So we can have this memory forever?" Addy asks her. 

"Yes, so we can have this forever." She turns and snaps one of Addy and the child giggles. 

"Take one of us both!" Addy says. Toni laughs at her enthusiasm and turns the camera towards them, taking a couple snaps. "Can I see?" Toni presses a button on her camera and they go through the few photos. "I like this one best," Addy says. 

"That's my favorite, too," Toni smiles. Toni and Addy both have bright smiles on their faces, Addy leaning against Toni and Toni's free arm around her shoulders. The town down below looking so small and long in the background, the sun beginning to set making the perfect lighting. 

"It's starting to get late, kiddo. We should probably head back once we get down before Mommy worries where we are."

"Can we stop for ice cream first. Pretty please?" 

"Just a little ice cram," Toni caves. 

"Kay," Addy agrees.

The wheel eventually makes it way down, and they get off happily, thanking the operator. They head to Henri's Ice Cream which on the way to the hotel. An ice cream shop very familiar to Toni. They order small cups of ice cream when they get there, Toni getting moose tracks and Addy getting black cherry. They sit on a table on the outside while they eat it. 

"Hey, Ads. This is a very special place, you know."

"It is?" 

"It is. This is where we found your sister, actually."

"Aivah?" Addy asks, sitting up straighter. 

Toni nods. "Your Mama heard her crying. She found her in a trash bag put in the dumpster in the back."

"I remember you telling me that when you picked me up from Aunt Polly's when you got back from vacation. She was adopted, just like me."

"You're not adopted, Ads. Mommy had your in her belly just like JJ and Avery."

"I was Mommy's baby, but I wasn't _yours_. But you chose me to be yours anyways. So you adopted me. You wanted me even though I wasn't yours, just like you and Mommy wanted Aivah."

"Yeah. Yeah...I guess you're right, sweetheart. But don't _ever_ say you weren't mine, okay? Remember what I told you?"

"Blood doesn't always make a family, it's the people you choose that do."

"Exactly, baby."

Addy moves so she can throw her arms around Toni's neck tightly. "I love you, Mama. Even if it always don't seem like it."

Toni presses a kiss to her head. "I know you do, Ads. And don't you worry, baby. I've never doubted it for even a second. And I know you know it, and I know I've said it a million times and I will say it a million more. I love you _so_ much, baby."

"Don't ever stop saying it," Addy whispers.

**_Seasons are changing and waves are crashing and stars are falling all for us. Grows grow longer and nights grow shorter, I can show you I'll be the one. I will never let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever. I'll stand up for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven cause you're mine._ **

...............................................................

They arrived back to the hotel just as the last sunlight was fading. 

"Mommy, we're home!" The pair shared looks of confusion as they were met with silence. Toni scanned the room, seeing Cheryl's shoes where she left them the night before, her laptop still on the counter, phone beside it. 

"Why don't you get yourself some juice while I see if she's in our room." Addy nods and heads to the fridge for a juice pouch while Toni goes to her room. 

"Cher?"

"TT," Cheryl sits up, looking at Toni with the saddest bloodshot eyes, hand wiping tears off red cheeks.

"Babe, what's wrong," Toni moves to Cheryl's side quickly, sitting beside her and holding her close. Cheryl cries into her shoulder, clinging to her as if her life depended on her.

"TT...we have to go home. Something's happened." 

**_My true love, my whole world, please don't throw that away. Cause I'm here for you, please don't walk away, please tell me you'll stay! Use me as you will, pull my strings just for a thrill. And I know I'll be okay, though my skies are turning grey. I will never let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever. I'll stand up for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven._ **


	30. Infinite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just kinda ripped my ow heart out on this one. 
> 
> If you've never heard Saturn by Sleeping at Last, listen to it. It fits this chapter so beautifully.

Cheryl, Toni and Addyson arrived back in Riverdale the next day. Ellie met them at the door, her face somber. Cheryl just shoved past her, but Toni found herself going into their friends arms. Addy stood beside them, confused. Nobody was telling the child what was happening.

Next thing Addy knew, she was being led away by Ellie as her mother disappeared. 

She didn't see her either parent the rest of that day, or that night. The quietness of the house scared her. But when it was no longer quiet, it scared her more. Her mother's heart wrenching sobs filled the silence the next morning. 

It wasn't until that night did she learn what had happened, in the form of Toni. She knew it was something awful when she saw that her mother had been crying. Toni wasn't a crier. 

She spent the rest of that afternoon crying in Toni's arms. Two days later was Nana Rose's funeral.

_**You taught me the courage of stars before you left. How light carries on endlessly, even after death. With shortness of breath you explained the infinite, how rare and beautiful it is to even exist.** _

By the time the funeral came, the tears had stopped and numbness had taken over Cheryl. She could barely understand what the preacher was saying. She sat in a chair, staring at the black coffin with dozens of roses on the top lifelessly. A photo of her Nana was placed beside the coffin. Toni sat beside her, her hand holding hers tightly. Avery was on her lap, for once the child was still and silent. In fact, not a word had even left the little redhead's mouth since she learnt the news. Jason was on Toni's lap, a somber look on his little features. Addyson was on the other side of Toni, shaking as she quietly cried. Aivah sat beside her and kept touching Addy's arm, her little mind not fully processing what was happening. Ellie, Betty, Jughead, Veronica and Polly all sat with them.

They took turns putting roses on the casket, even the children. 

Once she placed her rose, Cheryl's tears came back. She buried her face in Toni's shoulder, holding Avery tightly. 

"Nana Rose died," Addyson breaks the silence, wiping her tears for the millionth time. They had all returned back to Thistlehouse. 

"What  _died_ mean?" Aivah asks.

"She never come back," Jason says quietly, from the chair he's sitting, knees hugged to his chest. 

"Never?" Avery finally speaks up, lifting her head as tears fill her eyes.

"Never," Addy chokes out. "She's gone forever."

"Why?" Avery asks.

"Because. She got old, and old people. _People_ die." Addy squeezes her eyes shut. At eight, she knew there was such a thing as death. But she never really thought about it, experienced it. She never knew what it meant for someone to just _leave_ , to be gone forever. Her eyes open and looks at all her siblings, and it hurt her heart knowing that they barely had time their Nana. Addy got eight years with her- eight years of memories. But them? Aivah was barely three, the twins almost three. She tried to remember things from when she was three and couldn't. She knew as she aged, memories faded. And that whatever memories her siblings had, they would forget.

"You know, she might be gone but she'll always still be here," Ellie says, walking into the room. She walks over to Addy. "She's right _here_ ," she puts a hand on Addy's heart. "As long as you hold her in your heart, she'll never leave you."

"She'll never leave me?"

Ellie sits beside her. "My people believe that when someone dies, they still walk among us watching over us. That theirs spirits remain with us _forever_. It is never ending, sweetheart."

"I wanna believe that."

"Then all you have to do _is_ believe it."

Addy throws her arms around Ellie's neck tightly. "You won't leave us, will you, Auntie Ellie?"

"Why would I leave, sweetheart?"

"You were here to take care of Nana, and now she's gone."

"I've been here since before you were born, Addyson. It may be just time to find my own apartment instead of staying in the barn, but I won't be too far. Auntie Ronnie moved away and you still see her and Noah lots. And you'll see me whenever you want, okay?"

"'Kay," she sniffs. 

"That goes for all of you, okay? I'm not going far away. Now, you all gotta be good for your Mommy and Mama, okay? Your Mommy is very, very sad and your Mama's doing her best to help her, but she's sad too. Me and Auntie Ronnie are gonna help out a lot for a bit, but best behavior, yeah?"

"We sad too," Avery says quietly.

"I know, honey. And you can be. You can talk about your feelings and cry, alright? But just remember this- your Nana, she's in a better place now. In the afterlife, there's no wheelchairs. No old age, no pain or sadness, no blindness. She's gonna miss every single one of you loads, but she's not wheelchair bound any more, she can see perfectly and she's happier. I bet she's watching over us, all of us right this second."

The kids all look around. "I feel her," Aivah says. 

"Right here," Jason taps his chest.

"Right here," Avery mimics. 

_**I couldn't help but ask you to say it all again, I tried to write it down but I could never find a pen. I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time that the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes.** _

****"I can't. I-I-I can't, Toni," Cheryl cried.

"Cher, honey, you haven't left our room since after the funeral. The kids _need_ you. _I_ need you. You can't stay here forever, baby."

Cheryl shakes her head, trying to pull away from Toni. But her wife just tightens her grip. "No! Cheryl, we need to get through this _together_. You can't just shut down on me, not this time. We have children! Scared, hurt, confused _children!_ Children who don't understand what happened and why they can't see you."

"It hurts too much, Toni."

"I know. I know it does," Toni envelopes her in a hug. "I know it does, baby. But you need to let me help, you need to comfort the kids. You can't disappear on us."

"Toni-"

"Sh. I got you. I'm gonna keep holding you. Ronnie's gonna make dinner, and you're going to eat. I'm going to put the kids to bed, and then I'm gonna come back and hold you while we sleep. And then in the morning, you're going to wake up with me, and you're going to take a nice hot shower. You're going to change out of pajamas and we're going to come downstairs. I will make breakfast and get the kids up. You'll sit there and hug our children. You don't have to do anything but show up. And you'll find that it is easier to carry on when you have a child in your arms and your family around you. And then you'll do things again."

"I'll try," is all Cheryl says. It's all Toni wanted to hear. _I'll Try_. 

..........................................................

"Mommy!" It's the loudest Avery has spoken since she heard the news of her Nana's passing. The little girls wastes no time climbing onto Cheryl's lap. The little girl puts her little hands on her mother's shoulders, looking her solemnly in the eye. "Nana left."

Cheryl tears up, nodding. "She did. But...but she didn't want to."

"I knows. Audie Ellie say she still with us. Here," the toddler touches her chest.

"Auntie Ellie is very right, little fox." She strokes her youngest daughter's cheek, wiping a tear that escaped her eye. 

"I'm sad." 

Cheryl hugs her close. _Toni was right_. She felt a weight-albeit small-lift from her shoulders the moment she held her child. Toni kisses the top of Cheryl's head as she passes, the other kids on her heel. 

Toni made pancakes, comfort food to all the children. Addyson's chair was pulled so it was touching Cheryl's, clinging to her arm while she ate her pancakes. Cheryl didn't even mind when Addy and Avery both managed to get sticky syrup on her. Jason and Aivah had both fought over Toni's lap, and both toddlers found themselves sharing her, one on each thigh. 

"Does it ever get better, Mommy? How bad it hurts?" Addy asks once she finishes eating. She looks up at Cheryl with glistening eyes. 

"It does, baby. It gets better, slowly over time. But it never really goes away. I wish it did." She strokes Addy's cheek, straightening out her head of curls.

Addy looks from Cheryl to Toni. "You...you aren't going to die, are you?" she asks, her gut wrenching question directed to them both.

"What? No, Ads," Toni says. But Cheryl stays silent. She couldn't promise she wouldn't go anywhere. Not with how often she feared it, now with how in the past she had often  _wanted_ to. No, she didn't feel that way anymore. She hadn't in a long time. But she knew better than anyone that death wasn't just for the sick, or the old. Sometimes children and parents died in fires, or got murdered by their families. Sometimes they kill themselves, by grief or guilt. Sometimes they get caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. But she knew those thoughts didn't help her any- and it definitely didn't help their children. So eventually, she spoke up.

"I don't plan on leaving in any way for a very, very long time, baby."

"Not til you're all old, like Nana?"

"Not til then. Everyone gets old, Addy. It's inevitable. But don't spend your life fearing getting older or people dying. Just treasure the moments you have with every person you love."

And Cheryl vowed to herself, that from that moment on, that's what she would do.

_**With shortness of breath, I'll explain the infinite. How rare, and beautiful it truly is that we exist...** _


	31. I Need You Most

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a mess. And really depressing. 
> 
> It will get better, I swear. By next chapter.

_**I've gotta keep the calm before the storm. I don't want less, I don't want more. Let's bar the windows and the doors to keep me safe, to keep me warm. My life is what I'm fighting for; can't part the sea, can't reach the shore. And my voice becomes the driving force-I won't let this pull me overboard.** _

****Toni had been right, at least in the aspect it'd get easier. Slowly, _very_ slowly. Cheryl had been hit the hardest with her Nana's passing, and little Addyson was struggling as well. The twins and Aivah had mostly been sad and confused. And then Toni, who was desperately trying to keep everything together. 

A week later, Ellie had moved out of the barn and into an apartment fifteen minutes away. Despite the close distance, and the promise she made, Toni wasn't sure if they'd see her again. Ellie had put Nana Rose's care above her own family, and Toni knew she would more than likely find herself back in her brother's life. And Toni knew that meant the odds of them seeing her often was low. And she couldn't blame her. 

Ronnie had spent a lot of time with them that week, but as the weeks went by she slowly began retreating back to her life, back to her life with Noah as a single mom. Polly and Betty had also spent a lot of time with them, and often took the kids but as things settled they saw less of them.

Addyson went back to school, and the younger three returned to pre-school.

Cheryl, on the other hand, wan't adjusting like the others were. She still woke up early to to greet her Nana Rose before work just to find the room empty. Still stared at the head of the table, where she no longer sits. She goes to her room to say goodnight, the moonlight through the window the only thing waiting for her. Toni's not sure how much longer she can watch it until she breaks. 

**_So pull me up from down below, cause I'm underneath the undertow. Come dry me off and hold me close. I need you now, I need you most. Keep my head above water! Don't let me drown, it gets harder! I'll meet you there at the alter as I fall down to my knees. Don't let me drown! Keep my head above water._ **

"Cheryl?"

Toni lets out a defeated sigh when she finds their room empty, like she did every night for weeks. She felt her sanity blur at the edges as she turns, feet shuffling forward out of the comfort of the bedroom, and down the hall that felt colder with every step. Her hand hovers over the doorknob before grasping it, turning it and open the door slowly. "Cheryl."

"TT..." Cheryl turns her head painstakingly slow to look at her. Her face is pale, raw from never ending tears. Her eyes are shining, pleading.

Toni's eyes blink rapidly at her own unshed tears that are threatening to flow. She fights it. She's been fighting the tears and the hurt for weeks-if she didn't keep it all together, who would? But she knew she couldn't much longer. Every day her facade cracks, every day it's harder to keep the tears at bay. "Baby, this isn't healthy." She moves from the doorway to her wife, trying to gently pry Nana Rose's favorite quilt out of her hands.

"I know," she chokes out.

"Come to bed, Cher."

"I can't."

"You _can_ ," Toni's voice cracks. Cheryl looks up at her. _"Please."_

Cheryl's hands release the quilt and she pushes herself up. Her cold hand clutches Toni's warm one and they leave the dark, empty room and head to their warm and comforting room. They climb onto the bed, Toni lying down. Cheryl curls up against her, her head nuzzled at the crook of Toni's neck, arms encircling her.

"I'm sorry, TT," she mumbles in a small voice, "for putting you through all this _again_."

Toni strokes her hair. "Oh, Cheryl."

**_And I can't see in this stormy weather, and I can't seem to keep it all together. And I can't swim the ocean like this forever and I can't breathe._ **

The next day went by in a blur for Toni. Her anxiety rose, her throat kept tightening. But she fought any urge to let it go. 

She wearily went to bed that night, trying to muster up all her energy for the pattern that had developed. So when she walked into her room and found Cheryl laying on their bed and not missing, she froze. She wasn't quite sure what to do or say. 

"TT," Cheryl held a hand out to her and Toni felt her feet move. She let Cheryl pull her onto the bed and their roles were reversed. Cheryl was laying, Toni pulled against her so her head was resting under her chin, Cheryl's arms wrapped firmly, comfortingly around her. 

"I'm so _tired,_ Cheryl."

"I know, TT. And I'm so, _so_ sorry." She feels a hand running up and down her back soothingly. "Toni. You can be sad. You can...you can talk about your feelings, or you can cry. You can let go. I'm right here," she presses a kiss to the top of her wife's head. "I'm here for you, too. I'm _right here_."

"Cher, I...I..."  She didn't get anything else out, because the moment Cheryl said those words, the moment she felt safe enough to let go _just a little,_ the gates that had been holding every tear back for weeks opened and she just cried. She cried and cried, all the bottled up emotions erupting out of her. Cheryl didn't move, she didn't shush her or try to stop the sobs. She just held her, rubbing her back, stroking her hair, and softly telling her how much she loved her. She stayed up through the night, holding her. She didn't shed any tears that night- it was her turn to be the brave one, the strong one. And she _was_.

**_Keep my head above water, I lose my breath at the bottom. Come rescue me, I'll be waiting. I'm too young to fall asleep. Keep my head above water. Don't let me drown, it gets harder; I'll meet you there at the alter, as I fall down to my knees. Don't let me drown. Keep my head above water._ **


	32. Waves

_**There is a swelling storm and I'm caught up int he middle of it all. And it takes control of the person that I thought I was, the one I used to know. There is a light in the dark and I feel it's warmth in my hands, in my heart. Why can't I hold on? It comes and goes in waves, it always does. And we watch as our young hearts fade into the flood.** _

_One month later_

Cheryl and Toni had worked hard in a short amount of time to make sure the twins would have an amazing third birthday party. The family had almost nearly returned to normal. Nana's old room stayed closed until they were in a good enough place to got through her stuff, Cheryl no longer spent her nights in there. Her and Toni had spent a lot of time talking and grieving together, and Toni was finally accepting she didn't have to always be the strong on. That she could cry it out and be emotional, too. That Cheryl was there for her. Toni never really got out of the mentality that her wife wasn't a fragile seventeen year old anymore. But she was learning to. 

The small group stood back and surveyed their work. 

"I think it looks awesome," Ronnie says finally.

"Nobody would guess this was all planned in like a week," Betty agrees, nodding. "Definitely screams _Blossom-Topaz_. A touch of fancy, but still casual and a breath of fresh air."

"So. A perfect mix between the twins," Toni laughs. "Avery is very much a fancy little Blossom- always a flair of dramatic and has standards. And Jason's such a Topaz, liking the casual and simpler life."

"They are such opposites," Cheryl chuckles. "But as close as can be."

"I love our little group," Betty says elatedly. "Lainey can't wait for the party, that's all she's been talking about for the past week. I'm sure her and Avery are going through the closet upstairs to find the most perfect party dress."

"And then the boys and Aivah are sitting there rolling their eyes at them," Ronnie adds.

"And Addy is probably just reading a book and avoiding interacting with either side because she wants to avoid a war," Cheryl laughs. 

"They all work so well together, don't they?" Toni says thoughtfully. "Avery and Lainey are the lively ones, and then there's Noah, Jason, and Aivah to keep them from floating away."

"Just think, them five will all be in the same grade at school. We know for sure they're all going to have each other's backs."

"Just curious," Betty says. "When they go to school, how are the twins and Aivah going to explain how they're all the same age but only the twins are, well, twins?"

"I think they're gonna call themselves triplets. They've already asked if they are," Toni tells her. "Aivah knows she's adopted, but I don't think she fully understands what that means. But saying they're triplets will probably be what they say. She's adopted, but her and Jason look more like twins than he and Avery does."

"Aivah and Jason both have the darker hair and skin while Avery, like Addy, is basically Cheryl's clone," Ronnie nods. "Noah is literally a miniature Sweet Pea."

"He's _much_ cuter," Toni says. "He might not look like you, but he has your mischievous smirk and your smile. And he has your entire personality."

"So basically, he looks like me when he's being a shithead."

"Avery has my smirk, so when I see me in her I know she's about to be a little devil," Toni tells her.

"Hey, that means she looks like you like ninety percent of the time."

"Guys!" Cheryl laughs. "Leave my baby alone."

"This phase she's going through makes it so hard not to joke about it," Toni chuckles.

...........................................................

"Oh...my..." Addyson looks at the floor with wide eyes. 

"They did it," Jason points to Avery and Lainey, not caring about selling his twin out.

"So many," is all Lainey has to say.

"They think they princesses," Aivah says in an unimpressed voice.

"We are!" Avery yells.

"Guys!" Addy say sternly. "Just help me pick up all these dresses and hair clips before Mama or Mommy sees." She starts picking up the assortment of dresses. Avery and Lainey join her begrudgingly. 

"Why no they help?" Avery points to Aivah, Jason, and Noah, who are lounging on the bed.

"Cause we no make the mess," Jason shrugs. 

"But...it my birthday."

"Birthday don't get you out of tossing the entire contents of your closet on the floor," Addy tells her.

"Huh?"

"Never mind, just finish picking the dresses up."

"Kay," she sighs loudly. Addy flops onto Avery's bed, mimicking her sigh. 

_**The freedom of falling, the feeling I thought was set in stone. It slips through my fingers, trying hard to let go. It comes and goes in waves, and carries us away through the wind, down to the place we used to lay when we were kids. Memories of a stolen place, caught in the silence, an echo lost in space.** _

"How's it going up here-oh, aren't you adorable?" Toni stops in the doorway, smiling at the two girls spinning around in their dresses. Avery had a sparkly sleeveless dress that with a bow around her middle. Lainey had went with a similar dress, but pink-very _sleeping beauty_ vibed. 

"Princesses," Lainey says, recalling the earlier conversation. 

"Pretty princesses."

"No dress for me," Aivah says, folding her arms. 

"No dress for you," Toni repeats. "Are you wearing what you have on?"

"Uh, yeah." Aivah sits up and puts her arms up. Toni picks her up.

"How are our little birthday prince and princess?" Cheryl's voice sounds from the hall before she appears into the room. She picks up Jason, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "We good, Mommy. It ready?"

"It's ready, baby. You can go down now."

"Oh _thank you,_ " Addy says in a relieved voice, bolting from the room. Toni puts a squirming Aivah down so she follow her, then picks Avery up instead. Lainey takes Noah's hand and the two follow Cheryl and Toni downstairs. 

"Guests will be arriving any minute now!" Ronnie says excitedly. 

Not even a full minute later and the door is opening, Juniper and Dagwood running in full speed. Polly follows them, a bit flustered. 

"Daggy!" Jason and Noah yell, running to him excitedly, while Addyson and Juniper tackle each other in a hug. 

Polly hugs Betty and Ronnie, then Cheryl and Toni. "Where's my nephew and nieces?" She asks with a laugh. "Avery! Come give me a hug!"

"Auntie Polly!" The three year old runs over to her, hugging her tightly. Polly picks her up. 

"Where's your brother?"

"He and Noah are with Daggy."

"Oh, I guess I should let them boys play, huh?"

"Yeah. Boys _crazy_." That caused all the women in the room to laugh. Jughead just scoffs in mock offense.

 _"Boys_ are crazy? Well I think _girls_ are crazy!" Jughead says, dodging Betty's playful swat.

"We're a different kind of crazy," Addyson says, getting up. "But yeah, girls can be really crazy too. _S'pecially_ Avery and Lainey."

 _"Hey!"_ Avery and Lainey both shout. "She right, though," Avery admits. 

...................................................................

The party was in full swing an hour later. Nearly the entirety of the twins' pre-school class was in attendance, along with some older siblings who happened to be in either Addy or the older twins' classes. Fangs and Kevin had made the trip down and were having a blast playing games with some of the older kids. Josie had even made a trip to Riverdale, saying two of her favorite little one's big three was too important to miss. Josie really bonded with Avery, who was a little diva who loved to sing and dance. Some of the parents who were friendly with the Blossom-Topaz's stuck around when they brought their kids. Some of Toni's fellow officers and some of the employees from the center even attended- they all saw the kids so often that they were practically extended family. And one of the last to arrive, much to Cheryl's' absolute delight, was Ellie. They hadn't seen her since she left; Addyson, Aivah, Jason and Avery all jumped on her in excitement. 

When it was cake time, no child had to be told twice to gather around the table. The sheet cake- beautifully red with blue trim, which were favorite colors of the twins-had their names written in blue in Ellie's beautiful script. "You made this?" Cheryl whispers in sudden realization.

Ellie smiles at her. "I've made every cake since you're eighteenth birthday, girl. Yours and T's birthday cakes, your wedding cake, your baby shower cake, all eight of Addy's birthday cakes, all three of Aivah's and I was not missing the opportunity of missing out on having the honor to do all three of the twins' cakes."

"Thank you, El," Cheryl hugs her tight as Toni lights the two _"3"_ candles. _"Happy Birthday"_ was sung and Jason and Avery made silent wishes and blew their candles out. Toni began cutting the cake, after snapping a photo of it first, and serving it out with the ice cream. There was _a lot_ of mess, being there over twenty toddlers. 

The kids all gathered around happily to open gifts, excited talking amongst them all. 

Eventually they left one by one. Ronnie, Ellie, Betty, Jughead and Polly stayed later to help clean up the mess while Addy, Juniper and Dagwood brought Aivah, Avery, Jason, Noah and Lainey upstairs to put the gifts away- and inevitably play with them as they did so. Ronnie and Noah were the last to leave.

The kids took turns taking baths an played quietly in the bedroom until bedtime. Toni went room to room, taking turns reading bedtime stories. Then the couple made rounds wishing each child sweet dreams and kissing their foreheads. 

"They grow up so fast," Cheryl says with a soft sigh when they were in their own bed. She was running fingers through Toni's hair, Toni's head on her chest. 

"I wish they stayed little and cute forever," Toni says softly. "I miss them being little babies. But I love who they're growing into."

"Not now or anytime soon, but do you think we'll ever have any more kids someday, when the kids are all older?"

"I don't know, Cher."

"Would you want to?" 

Toni is silent for a short while, thinking. "I think I would want to, in the future. When the twins are older, but not too old. Like a few more years, when they're in school maybe. Like the same age difference that Addy has from the twins."

"So, you want to revisit this conversation in like two years?"

"Sounds good," Toni says, moving up so she's now face to face with her wife. "But right now, no more talking," she whispers before kissing Cheryl deeply.

**_**I watched my wild youth disappear in front of my eyes, moments of magic and wonder, seems so hard to find. Is it ever coming back again? Take me back to the feeling when everything was left to find. It comes and goes in waves, it always does. The freedom of falling, the feeling I thought was set in stone. It slips through my fingers, trying hard to let go. It comes and goes in waves, and carries us away!** _ **


	33. Little Wonders

_**Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulders. Don't you know the hardest part is over? Let it in, let your clarity define you. In the end, we will only just remember how it feels. Our lives are made in these small hours, these little wonders, these twists an turns of fate. Time falls away, but these small hours still remain.** _

_Three years later_

"Sorry!" Jason said with a huge smile.

"No you're _not,_ " Aivah says, giving her brother a foul look. She tucks a loose strand of her short dark hair behind her ear, sitting back in her chair heavily. 

"It's called payback. You killed him first," Avery said with a smirk, tossing waist length red hair over her shoulder sassily, freckled face scrunching up when Aivah sticks her tongue out at her.

"Don't worry, Aiv. We'll crush them good," Addyson promises her younger sister.

"Hey, not fair!" Jason shouts. 

"You and Avery teamed up on _me,_ so it _is_ fair, stupid," Aivah says.

"Don't call my brother stupid, you jerk face!"

"He's my brother, too, dumb head!"

"Guys!" Jason yells while Addy just laughs at her younger siblings name calling match.

In the next room, Cheryl and Toni were struggling to hold back their own laughter. "Well, they lasted this long," Toni says, looking at the clock. 10 PM. "They're going to crash before midnight. Cheryl nods in agreement.

"How long until we rescue Addy from sibling duty?" Cheryl asks.

"When we have to. Or she asks. Whichever happens first."

Cheryl hums, taking a sip of her hot chocolate. For the first time in as long as the redhead could remember, it was a quiet night on New Years Eve minus the bickering children in the next room. All of their friends and family by this year were pushing or already in their thirties with children of their own, including themselves, and the years of everyone getting together had begun to fade. It wasn't a planned thing, it just slowly happened. 

"You look tired," Toni tells her after a while of quiet, minus the background of children chattering. 

"I feel tired," she answers, eyeing Toni's cup of coffee longingly before taking another sip of her own hot chocolate. "But we have to make it a few more hours. Ads won't be very forgiving if we fall asleep before midnight."

"True, true. Late enough to send the little monsters to bed?"

"Definitely." They get up and head into the living room where Addyson is putting the Sorry game away as the other two continued making faces at each other. "Okay, guys."

"No!" Avery whines, knowing exactly what her parents were in to say. "Not bedtime!"

"Yes, bedtime," Cheryl says, picking her up with some effort. "You're going to be too big to be carried real soon, my little fox."

Avery's arms go around her neck, tiredly resting her head on her shoulder. "I'll stay little forever, so I can always be carried."

"I though you wanted to grow up fast?"

"Not if that means you can't hold me anymore." 

Cheryl chuckles softly, kissing the top of her head. Toni took Aivah's hand in one hand, Jason's in the other. She led the two upstairs as Cheryl carried Avery up slowly after them. "I'll never stop holding you, little one."

Soon, the three were changed into their pajamas, and in their beds. Cheryl brushed back Avery's red hair, poking her little freckled nose. "Goodnight, baby." She kissed her forehead and moved to Aivah doing the same to her. Toni pressed a kiss to Avery's forehead and moved on to Aivah, who hugged her tightly. 

"Love you, Mama." 

"I love you too, princess."

Toni flicked the girls light off and went to Jason's room, where she found Cheryl. Toni sat on the bed beside her, running her fingers through their sons curls. Every day Jason looked more and more like Toni. While Avery kept her red hair, Jason's hair had darkened into a deep reddish brown and his hair got curlier as he aged, unlike Addyson. While Avery was Cheryl's mini me, Jason was Toni's. 

"Mama, Mommy. I'm scared."

"Why are you scared, Jay?" Toni asks softly. 

"It's a new year, what if it changes so much? Everyone keeps saying everything's going to change or be better. I want everything to stay the same. I hate change."

"Change is good, Jason. I know it can be so scary, but it can be so good, too. If everything stayed the same all the time, it'd get real boring, wouldn't it?"

"I guess so."

"You know so," she tickles his side again and his frown dissolves into a giggle. "There's that handsome smile. You have me, you have Mama and Addy and Avery and Aivah. You have us to love you and grow with you and annoy you through all these twists and turns of change. Nobody's going anywhere."

"Nana went away."

Toni puts a hand on Cheryl's shoulder and takes over. "Nana was old, it was her time to go. It's none of our times to go yet, baby. And anyways, Nana isn't gone. She's right here," she places a hand on his heart. " And as for us and you're sister, you're stuck with all of us."

"Not stuck with," his smile returns. 

"Not stuck with. That's right," Cheryl says with a watery smile. 

"Oh! And I want a brother. I'm tired of hearing _sisters_."

Toni and Cheryl share a look and chuckle.

_**Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you. Let it shine til you feel it all around you. And I don't mind if it's me you need to turn to. We'll get by, it's the heart that really matters in the end. **Our lives are made in these small hours, these little wonders, these twists an turns of fate. Time falls away, but these small hours still remain.**** _

****"Ten minutes!" Addyson says from her place between her mothers. She was leaning against Toni, her tiredness catching up to her. The twelve year old wasn't often up anywhere near this late.

"Stay awake, Ads," Toni chuckles. "You too, Cher. We're so close to midnight."

"Kay," Addy yawns. "Nine minutes."

"Any New Years resolutions?" Cheryl asks, hoping the question would engage a short conversation. She couldn't image staying conscious if she had to sit another eight minutes in silence. Toni, who had been guzzling coffee, was awake. But Addy and herself were struggling.

"Definitely to change up the station. There's still some damn stigma in that place and they aren't too keen to having a female chief yet."

"Not really a resolution, but I want to make this the best year yet. This is my last year before becoming a teenager."

"I know," Cheryl sighs deeply. "How did you grow up so fast?"

Addy shrugs. "I have a resolution to be the best teenager in the world."

"Now that's a resolution I can get behind!"

The three laugh, falling into lively conversation until Addy points to the TV. "Sixty seconds!"

They watch the numbers count down in excitement.

"Ten!"

"Nine!"

"Eight!"

"Seven!"

"Six!"

"Five!"

"Four!"

"Three!" 

"Two!"

"One!"

"Happy New Years!"

_**All of my regrets will wash away somehow, I cannot forget the way I feel right now. In these small hours, these little wonder, these twists and turns of fate! T **ime falls away, but these small hours still remain. These little wonders still remain.**** _


End file.
